The Birds and the Bees that bring you to your knees

One of the things I truly love about Colorado is the countless open space areas that have been converted into beautiful parkways. When not in the mountains, much of our spare time is spent exploring these little cuts of nature right in our own backyard. Not to be dismayed by our 99-degree temps, Haddie and I have been going for early-morning walks along these parkways before the temps heat up.

Yesterday, we went for a trek along one of our favorites. Not only is much of it shaded but there’s a great playground and duck pond along the way. Really, the only drawback is the pond hosts the most stuck-up ducks I’ve ever seen. What? My stale bread isn’t nearly as good as that pond scum you consume every day?

So we’re sitting there watching the snobby ducks when I saw a runner in the distance. As the runner came closer, it was like one of those slow-motion Baywatch sequences. The one where the ocean breeze (fans from the set) are blowing while the runner’s breasts are bouncing away. You know, every man’s secret fantasy.

Unless, that is, the person with the bouncing breasts is a man. Yep, this runner was shirtless and had veritable breasts. And not the Mr. Olympia kind, either. I turned my head away in disdain but Hadley remained undaunted. I would even say she was mesmerized.

At the exact moment he passed us, little Hadley chose to give her commentary of the situation with a piercing screech, “NAAAAAAAAAAKED!”

It stopped Mr. Baywatch in his tracks. He threw her a disgusted “I would charge you with sexual harassment if you weren’t a pipsqueak” kind of look and continued on his way.

He was lucky. If he thought “Naked” was offensive, wait ‘til I teach her how to scream “INDECENT EXPOSURE!” next time around…

Other Posts