Family | Life Elevated Mom

‘Tis the season (of banging your head against the wall during a 48-hour period)

May 11, 2010 by Amber

The Johnson clan had planned to go out of town last weekend but we learned Thursday evening there was a mix-up in dates and our trip was switched to June. And so we did what any normal, sane family would do: ransacked our house and had a garage sale 24 hours later.

OK, that would be abnormal and insane.

Now that we know we’re not having any additional children, I have had a nagging feeling we needed to finally sell all the baby items we’ve been holding onto. Storage space is limited at our house and what little we have was filled with boxes upon boxes of clothing and every piece of furniture and toy imaginable.

Think I’m joking? I invited some friends over to buy some clothes the Friday afternoon before the sale.

In case you couldn’t spot them, they’re over there in the corner.

Our friend Karl and his wife Connie dropped by to pick out some clothes for their baby. Something you should know about Karl–he lives in a small two-bedroom condo. When he walked into the eye of the hurricane on Friday, he looked around and queried, “How is this even possible?”

It was then that I taught him some very elementary math. The equation?

Grandma X 2.

In the early years, both grandmas showered Hadley in particular with the most darling outfits. I have not been nostalgic about getting rid of any of their toys or furniture but as I saw people walking off with her adorable clothes? There were some mama moments and I ended up saving some of my favorites to give to her when she becomes a mom.

And maybe, just maybe, I was offended when people overlooked some of her cuter selections. Did they not have any sense of taste?

A few things this mommy blogger learned at the garage sale:

1) Do not pull it together in 24 hours. Duh.

2) Do not advertise questionable materials on Craiglist. Case in point: Jamie posted some of his err…grow equipment. His clientele? Let’s just say when I saw these sketchy dudes coming toward us I knew they weren’t in the market for a pack ‘n play.

3)People do not tell the truth at garage sales. We sold our 9-person tent because, welp, it’s for 9 people and it was tough to find a campsite big enough for it. We plan to buy a smaller tent and reattempt camping with the kiddos. I say reattempt because every family camping trip we have had has been a disaster (case in point here).

That is why I had to chuckle at the sign Jamie made for the tent:

Liar.

Filed Under: Family, Humor

How garage doors result in the downfall of marriage

April 19, 2010 by Amber

My family spent Spring Break in Utah. The children and I flew out several days before my husband who later joined us to ski Park City Mountain Resort.

Jamie is good at many things: growing giant pumpkins. Calming me down when I set the oven on fire.

Remembering to feed the cat is not one of them.

My children and I spent 10 days in Canada last winter, during which time our new cat Remy a.k.a. “Fat Kitty” was put on a forced diet due to Jamie’s negligence.

Call me crazy but “Skinny Kitty” just doesn’t have the same ring.

This time around, Jamie’s one responsibility was to take our garage remote control over to our neighbor Jean’s (we don’t do keys at our house) so she could let herself in to feed the cat. I’ll admit it: I was paranoid he’d forget. Our neighbor is in the middle of tax season so I forewarned him not to leave it until the last minute because she’s difficult to catch at home.

There may have been ~~nagging~~ loving reminders involved.

I’m not sure what happened next. Jamie had two garage remote controls at his disposal. He took one to Jean’s. With one to spare, he still somehow managed to lock himself out of the house for several hours until Jean came home.

Even though I was hundreds of miles away, I got blamed.

This is not unlike an unfortunate incident that occurred at my brother Pat’s house. He and his wife Jane were going to Costco to refill their large water jugs. At the last minute, Jane asked her daughter and two grandchildren to come, a process that added an extra 15 minutes to the process.

Like me, patience is not a virtue for my brother. He paced around the house before declaring he was going to put the containers in the car. He popped the trunk, loaded two jugs and waited for Jane to come with the third.

More time passed. Impatience grew. Exasperated, he backed out of the garage to get a head start. This would have been a sound strategy.

Except he forgot he had left the trunk open.

It did not survive.

Upon hearing the loud crash, Jane raced out to the garage to find my brother’s shaved, beet-red head bulging with fury.

“YOU IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” he sputtered.
“We’re idiots? Why is this our fault?” Jane and her daughter were on the floor laughing.
“THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HADN’T TAKEN SO LONG IN THE HOUSE!!!”

And so the pattern continues. Wife absent. Husband screws up. Wife still gets blamed.

So, let’s hear it. Have you ever been used as your significant other’s scapegoat?

Filed Under: Family, Humor, Jamie, Marriage

Spring Break, Utah Style!

April 6, 2010 by Amber

I am still digging myself out of the hole from my 10-day absence and have house guests arriving on Thursday.

This just means I’ll be 10 feet under for a while.

Spring Break in Utah was marvelous. We had the most glorious powder days skiing Park City Mountain Resort and were surrounded by friends and family.

One night, I went to dinner at my favorite restaurant, The DoDo, with my dear friend Kristy. Another day, I took my kids to my Alma Mater BYU to hang out with my surrogate mother/former boss, Patty, and go for a stroll down memory lane. The kids indulged in ice cream from the Creamery and had Swedish fish and praline fudge from the bookstore’s candy counter. And not to be forgotten are the Twilight Zone’s glorious strawberry bagels.

It would appear my best college memories are about the food.

Another day, I played volleyball with one of my BFFs, Lori. We met on the first day of our freshman year on the Natural Science Field Expedition. For two months, we explored the Western United States, giggling about boys and backpacking the most epic destinations. She later married one of our best friends and they just bought a beautiful new home in Utah County.

Lest you think it’s la vie en rose, allow you to assure you it is anything but when you play volleyball with her competitive entourage. I should know. I used to be one of them and once upon a time was even honored in the Calgary Herald’s Sports Hall of Fame.

Note: this is all VERY past tense.

She invited me to join them one morning and I agreed, forgetting one minor fact: I have not played competitive volleyball in seven years.

These women play five days a week.

I will spare you the gory details. Just know that the level of soreness and knee pain was equal unto my memorable bobsled run.

I would have liked to have visited more friends but this trip was mostly about family. We played with Jamie’s sister and her beautiful twin girls who were born on my birthday.

Let’s pray there is still hope for them.

We had a family dinner with extended relatives one evening and the children also hung out with their Great Grandpa Smith.

My parents were in town for General Conference and for the first time in years, I spent Easter with them. Jamie’s mom graciously invited them over for dinner and the kiddos had a grand time bouncing from grandparent to grandparent.

Which basically means they were lavished with candy and presents.

Fortunately, I didn’t come out of it too badly myself.

Stay tuned for details of when Bode became a man at Park City Mountain Resort and be sure to share what you did for Easter!

Filed Under: Family, Humor, travel, Utah

Snowmass: Aspen’s Signature Mountain Offers Best Splurge and On-mountain Fun

March 10, 2010 by Amber

Aspen has a couple of things working against it: exorbitant prices and a reputation for misbehaving celebrities such as Charlie Sheen and those on VH1’s controversial Secrets of Aspen.

Fortunately, it has even more going for it.

My family visited Snowmass for the first time last weekend. I was eager to try the largest of Aspen Ski Company’s highly acclaimed four resorts but I was also worried I wouldn’t fit in. I don’t own fur and my nails haven’t seen a manicure since those fake nails I wore to my high school graduation.

Turns out, it didn’t matter. I was, after all, at a world-class ski resort.

I just wore gloves the entire time.

The Mountain

If you have kids, there is nothing greater than Snowmass’ 25,000-square-foot Tree House Kid’s Adventure Center. The $17 million facility stands as the first of its kind in the snowsports industry with a host of themed rooms for ages eight weeks and older as well as a climbing gym, teen activities and kids’ retail.

Snowmass is renowned for its ski school and employs hundreds of instructors. We enrolled 3-year-old Bode in the Bears class and 5-year-old Hadley was a Grizzly ($130 for a full day). With only 6 percent of its 3,132 acres classified as “easiest,” Snowmass is an intermediate/advanced mountain. The beginner areas became a war zone as newbies practically battled it out for their place to face-plant. The upper mountain was gloriously devoid of lines and crowds.

My children still had the time of their lives.

Snowmass has prodigious amounts of terrain and snow. But it’s the little things that really set it apart: free hot cider, sunscreen and granola bars atop Elk Camp Meadows. Trail maps conveniently printed on the chairlifts’ safety bar. Free naturalist-guided tours twice a day.

Jamie and I are pretty equal in our skiing ability with the exception that he likes to hit the terrain park. I recently got hit by a snowboarder at a terrain park as I tried to photograph Jamie.

That is about as much as we have in common as it pertains to terrain parks.

We had only been skiing an hour when Jamie spotted one of Snowmass’ three terrain parks and the coercion began. I resisted until I saw a class of 6-year-olds tackle it. I reluctantly relented.

I guess you could say I gave in to kid pressure.

Snowmass has done it right. Instead of just having suicidal 10-foot jumps and rails, this one was rated “medium,” which, in terrain-park-speak means “Easy Enough-For-a-30-Something-Mom-to-Have-Visions-of-Ski-Cross-Olympic-Grandeur-Without-Killing-Herself.”

On the same note, at the end of his lesson, Bode proclaimed, “I skied FAST like Bode Miller!”

Look for us at the 2014 Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia.

ACES (Aspen Center for Environmental Studies)

Our first experience in Aspen defied all the town’s stereotypes. ACES (Aspen Center for Environmental Studies) is a non-profit 25-acre preserve that offers educational programs and activities about nature, ecology, and the environment. Or, as my daughter Hadley summarized,

“There were some dead animals and others were alive.”

We joined in as a local elementary school made animals tracks of plaster and my kids touched a python snake. We went for a walk on the Forest Trail along a natural spring that fills Hallan Lake, which is maintained by a family of beavers. Even under a blanket of snow, the wetlands dazzled in winter. We visited two non-releasable birds of prey: a 27-year-old golden eagle and gray-horned owl.

In winter, ACES offers showshoe tours in Aspen, Snowmass and Ashcroft. Summer is king for kids and classes include the Little Naturalist, which focuses on different animals each session. Week-long classes are also offered including Exploring Around (ages 5-6) and Wild Exploration (ages 7-8). The summer schedule will be posted in mid-March at aspennature.org.

Snowmass’ Glorious Food

Snowmass Base Village
The Sweet Life is Snowmass’ sweetheart of family dining. Located in the base village, this is THE must-eat-at restaurant for kids. The first floor is a candy store and ice cream parlor on steroids. The top floor is a 1950s-style diner that is every child’s fantasy. Don’t miss out on the chicken lollipops, 15 varieties of cupcakes (including root beer float and candied lemonade), fried Oreos, funnel cake fries, and a separate menu of nine different S’mores.

On-Mountain
Skiing and riding works up an appetite and Sam’s Smokehouse satisfies. The new 7,800-square-foot barbecue-style smokehouse has stunning views of Garret’s Peak, Mount Daly and the surrounding backcountry with floor-to-ceiling windows. Try their pulled pork sandwich, smoked chicken, and barbecue glazed citrus shrimp, topped off by organic apple crisp. Just don’t believe your husband when he says “I’ll only have two bites of dessert” because he will invariably polish it off.

His defense? “They were just really big bites.”

Best Splurge
There is something almost surreal about piling into a snowcat (or a “snowkitty” according to my 3-year-old son) and creeping up a steep mountain slope to a cozy cabin encapsulated by winter’s magical snow globe. Elegant Lynn Britt Cabin gives you that kind of experience. Add that to an ever-changing four-course gourmet meal, Rich (a hilarious guitar-strumming, harmonica-playing entertainer) and you have an unforgettable evening.

Best Off-the-Beaten-Path Restaurant
I am remiss we did not have time to go to Woody Creek Tavern because it came highly recommended from multiple sources. Just six miles from Snowmass, this quirky cowboy dive bar/restaurant boasts the best enchiladas and tamales you will ever taste. Though celebrities are regulars, Woody Creek Tavern prides itself as being “anti-establishmentarianism.”

Whatever the heck that means in a celebrity-kissed town that does a stellar job catering to families.

Filed Under: Colorado, Family, Family travel, Hadley, skiing

Life With Three Children

January 7, 2010 by Amber

Kid #1: Hadley

Every year, our church puts on a Nativity pageant for the community. In years past, it has been a pretty low-key event with beautiful music and a reenactment of the story of Jesus’ birth. This year, they upped the ante to make it more professional. They pre-recorded all the speaking parts, had a killer sound system and beautiful Christmas music playing in the background.

I was impressed.

Several of my peers were cast in the various roles and they lip synced their lines. At times, they came across a bit stoically but overall they did a great job in this amateur production.

Hadley, the future theatre critic, did not share our sentiments. Near the conclusion while the rest of us were moved by the spirit of the evening, Hadley turned to Jamie and very loudly asked:

“Is that the best they can do?”

=============================
Kid #2: The Son

My neighbors are looking into a preschool for their son Gavin. They recently asked me how I like Bode’s school and if I recommend it. I mentioned it to Bode.

“Bode, guess what? Gavin might be attending your preschool!”
“Which Gavin?”
“Our neighbor.”
“I know three Gavins!”
“Really? Who are they?”
“Well, their names are Gavin, Gavin and Gavin!”

============================

Kid #3: The Father

Before we were married, Jamie was addicted to a little show the nation loves called The Simpson’s. I am not among the populace of adoring fans and cringe at the thought of my children watching its crude humor.

So imagine how thrilled I was when I discovered father and daughter guffawing along with Bart.

“No, no, no!” I objected. “It’s bad enough YOU have to watch it but to expose our innocent child to Homer?”

“Honey,” Jamie reasoned. “Studies have shown that children can actually learn more by watching The Simpson’s than Barney. Of course, the backlash of this study is the things they subsequently learned are morally wrong.”

=======================

Addendum: Once upon a time, the following conversation was overheard while Jamie watched Chevy Chase’s Vacation with 3-year-old Hadley.

“Daddy, what are they doing?”

“Looking for a place to dispose of the body, Sweetie.”

Filed Under: Bode, Family, Hadley, holidays, Humor, Jamie

The Decade in Review

January 5, 2010 by Amber

2000–We did not die as many predicted. Worked as an account executive at a PR agency in Salt Lake City and moonlighted as a travel writer. Paid $50 to spend the night at the new Salt Lake County jail’s “B&B.” Juggled two fun guys, making up for the dating drought that was my life the previous 2.5 decades.

2001–Landed dream job at Deseret Book Co. Oversaw events at the corporate office and 40 stores. Ate Lion House rolls every day (the best you’ve ever had), ran them off every night on some mountain trail. Worked as the travel editor at Sports Guide for the fourth year and wrote for Utah Outdoors. Traveled most weekends and loved every minute of it.

2002–Laid off when corporate cut one-third of the positions. Went into mourning, regrouped, made life changes and then played. Continued travel writing and branched into radio as a freelancer for Metro Networks. Attended multiple events at the 2002 Salt Lake City Games. Connected online with my future husband in July. Broke up with on-again, off-again boyfriend of five years. Met Internet Guy in September. Both men proposed the same week. Fell madly in love with Internet Guy.

2003–Moved to Denver. Married Internet Guy on February 15. Climbed 14ers (14,000-foot peaks), skied, backpacked Southern Utah, loved and laughed. Built a house, moved in with in-laws while it was being finished. Got pregnant. Got sick. Taught early-morning seminary. Got sick again.

2004–Still sick…and now big. Moved into new home April 15. Daughter Hadley born the next month. Beautiful, chubby, colicky and rarely slept. Thought life was over with motherhood. Joined hiking club for moms. Hit the trail a few times a week. Only time Hadley stopped crying. Loved introducing her to the outdoors.

2005–Hadley showing slight improvement. Still a tough, spirited, independent child. Lots of hikes, play dates, library story times and drop-in gymnastics. Started blog at MSN Spaces. Somehow documenting and connecting with online moms helped make sense of the madness. Husband had surgery to remove heart arrhythmia. Went on a cruise. Pregnant with baby No. 2. Had legitimate concerns could give birth to another tough baby. Prayed. A lot.

2006–Sick and big. Baby Bode born. Sweet and slept all the time. Amber rejoiced. Regular hikes and bike rides with both kids in the Chariot. Internet Guy promoted to director position at work. Life as a widow begins.

2007–Adjusted to life with two children. Went on another cruise. Pitched Mile High Mamas idea to both newspapers. Launched with The Denver Post in October. Husband’s pumpkin obsession begins. Started travel writing again. Family vacation to Mexico. Daughter began preschool. Finally saw the light at the end of the newborn tunnel.

2008–Husband loses job. Takes severance package and finished basement. Hired by company that had been actively recruiting him. Makes lots of money as their consultant. His pumpkin obsession continues. Spends every summer night at his parent’s pumpkin patch ~~making out~~ tending to his pumpkin. Final weight: 755 pounds.

2009–Hubby’s consulting gig dries up when main client declared bankruptcy. Starts Pixo Web Design and Strategy. Works hard. Grows pumpkin. Family goes on Tour de Colorado for summer vacation. Tornado wipes out pumpkin patch. Husband mourns. Wife rejoices. Throws Mile High Mamas events while working with various brands. Husband celebrate 10 years of being cancer-free. Daughter starts kindergarten, son in preschool, Mama solo again on the mountain trails. Added kitty Remy to the Crazy Clan. One of five semi-finalists in Microsoft’s Office Winter Games contest.

I started the 2000s alone and ended them surrounded by love. This past decade has been a roller-coaster ride of joys and sorrows. Outlook for 2010 is bright.

What were some of your high and lowlights of the last decade?

Filed Under: Bode, Family, Hadley, Humor, Jamie, Olympics, travel

Happy New Year and Christmas in Pictures

January 1, 2010 by Amber

As you can see, my lil’ ol’ blog has had a makeover. We are still working out the bugs (“we” meaning poor Jamie who is supposed to be on vacation this week). Be sure to change your RSS feeds and bookmarks to www.crazybloggincanuck.com.

Our two-week-long Winter Break has been one of our most laid back ever and all this downtime has about killed me.

I don’t know why they call this a “break.” It is anything but for the parents.

We have tried to stay busy and went miniature golfing, watched movies, skied, bowled, shopped, read lots of new books, picnicked in the family room, hiked in the snow, had playdates, toured the Denver Art Museum, went go-carting, threw a New Year’s Eve party and traumatized The Cat. Daily.

Christmas itself was the most quiet I’ve ever had. With Jamie’s parents gone, we skied on Christmas Eve, played the bells and ate. His sister came over after we’d unwrapped our presents on Christmas. Bode’s favorite present was an Optimus Prime Transformer. Haddie’s was a live butterfly kit.

If her father insists upon having worms in our basement, it’s only natural his offspring would covet something like caterpillars.

I was delighted to receive some Vancouver Olympics gloves from my mom for good luck (official announcement is on January 14), a beautiful painting of Jesus in Jerusalem from my in-laws and a pair of Sanita Clogs.

Which are exponentially cooler than these beauties.

As for James, I gave him a milkshake maker to go with his old-fashioned soda fountain. I was most excited when his parents gave him a deluxe remote that combines the four remotes he has for his home theatre.

And which also means I’ll finally be able to turn the blasted thing on.

December’s highlights in pictures:

Gingerbread making with Aunt Lisa.

Haddie’s Rockin’ Rudolph Dance Recital.

She was only a half a beat behind everyone else, an improvement from her unscripted solo performance she performed when she was 3.

Eighteen giggling tweens crammed into our basement for a “Grinch Party.”

My failed attempts to photograph Hadley at our church Christmas party.

Which may or may not have lead to the threat, “So help me if you do that when you see Santa, you will not get any dessert or presents.”

Dessert + Santa = the way to every girl’s heart.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Be sure to weigh-in about your holidays.

Filed Under: Bode, Family, Hadley, holidays, Humor, Jamie

A Lesson in Parenting

December 18, 2009 by Amber

I have received several inquiries about the outcome of the Microsoft Office Winter Games Contest. They still have not decided upon a winner and will publicly announce their choice on January 7. Fingers are still crossed several times over that I win and thanks again for your support!

In the interim, we are busy following all the Olympic hopefuls, implementing social media strategies for several Colorado and Utah ski resorts, and enrolling Haddie in skating lessons.

Oh, and Jamie and I have been practicing superior parenting strategies. To illustrate:

The Mother Teaching About Family Bonding

As Haddie and I were crossing the street, I told her to hold my hand.

“Why do we hold hands when crossing the street, Mommy?

Me: “So when we get hit we can go down together.”

The Father Expounding Upon Bad Words

Our neighbor Steve was hanging out at our house today. Jamie said something like:

“I’d kill for that. The whole thing is just stupid.”

Bode: “Daddy. Dat’s a BAD WORD.”

Steve: “What? Kill?”

Jamie: “No, killing is just fine. He’s talking about ‘stupid.”

The Children Demonstrating Our Superior Parenting Skills

We have had an unusual amount of snow in Colorado this fall. The kids and I had cabin fever so we hit the playground this afternoon. At one point, Hadley declared she wanted to race her 3-year-old brother. I approved but told her to be careful not to knock him over.

Not even 1 second into the race, she walloped him. He crumbled like a pathetic heap on the pavement.

“Hadley, what do you say to your poor little brother??!!!”

“Bode, YOU WERE IN MY WAY!”

Filed Under: Bode, Family, Hadley, Humor, Jamie

Blackmail Bliss

December 2, 2009 by Amber

Some people look worse as they grow older.

I would like to think I have improved with age.

**Photo courtesy of my father who obviously thinks the 80s were funny. As you can see, there is nothing humorous about them.

Filed Under: Family, Humor Tagged With: embarrassing

A taste of the bitter-sweet

December 1, 2009 by Amber

Returning home to Calgary is always bitter-sweet. I was blessed with a wonderful, magical childhood that every kid in this world deserves but doesn’t always get. Life was never perfect but I had two parents who gave me wings and taught me to never second-guess my dreams.

Well, except for that one time I dreamed I was riding to a desert island in a shark’s mouth.

This last trip to my childhood home was more meaningful than ever.

When I wasn’t busy groveling for votes for the Microsoft Office Winters Games Contest, Hadley, Bode and I spent the majority of our time hanging out with family. We collected pine cones in my parent’s golf cart, took naps, got sick, got better, visited my dear friend Stacey, went to breakfast at glorious Cora’s and played with cousins.

We also took daily walks with my parent’s dogs

and rolled down the gully near my house.

Note: It was my father who instigated that one, not me. Kinda humbling to still get your butt kicked by your 70-year-old dad.

But the true highlight was when we took a trip to Southern Alberta for my niece Ashton’s special day.
I went for several runs, exploring my favorite haunts around my neighborhood, through Fish Creek Provincial Park, and along the swollen Bow River. It was in these places, along these trails, that I first learned to dream, explore and soar.

Those moments were the sweet.

The bitter was dealing with my mother’s rapidly declining health.

Since I originally wrote about her 25-year battle with Multiple Sclerosis, she has become more open about her condition. And accepted it. She has regular debilitating attacks, can no longer drive and relies on my father for most of her day-to-day tasks. They stay abreast on cutting-edge treatments, praying for the day she might be one of the recipients. It is a process that is both hopeful and heart-breaking.

I am glad to be back in Denver. It was a great trip. It was a sobering trip. And I cannot think of a better time to be there than during Thanksgiving so that I could count my many blessings.

Filed Under: Canada, Family, Health, Olympics, travel