Family | Life Elevated Mom

Not to state the obvious….

August 19, 2009 by Amber

Summer is winding down Chez Canuck. When I have a moment to come up for air (we have family visiting this week), I’ll be sure to write an overview of all our adventures.

And believe me, they are many.

In the interim, enjoy a few profundities from the kiddos.

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“Hadley, what were you doing in the backyard?”

“I was just burying worms, Mommy.”

“Oh. Well, it’s dinnertime. Can you please come in and wash up?”

“Why?”

“Um, because you were just burying worms.”

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On Monday, we went to Bode’s bestestesetest friend Seanie’s birthday party. One of the main benefits of birthday parties is devouring your spoils afterward.

Hadley: “Hey, Bode. What’re you eating?”

Bode: “A sucker.”

Hadley: “Sounds good! What does it taste like?”

Bode: “A sucker.”

Filed Under: Bode, Family, Hadley, Humor

Could you survive a TV-less summer?

July 13, 2009 by Amber

Our television recently died.

Well, six weeks, four days and 12 hours ago if you’re counting (which is what I thought my husband would do).

I know this would send many people into a panic but let me assure you we still have two other televisions–one in the basement and another tucked away in our bedroom. Both rarely get used due to their locations. The television in our family room had become as much a part of us as the family pet.

Except we don’t own any animals.

We did, however, feed our television daily. Sometimes several meals a day. We formed the habit of turning on the children’s cartoons as they ate breakfast. Out of laziness, it would sometimes remain on for a couple of hours as we went about our day. We would turn off the television for the often-insipid daytime programs but then would bring it back to life during our favorite Primetime shows.

We currently cannot afford to replace that television so discussed the possibility of bringing the television from our bedroom into the family room.

Until I proposed the unthinkable: to do an experiment and not watch TV for the summer.

To clarify, I wasn’t proposing we cut out our television-viewing habits completely, just limit ourselves and not replace the one that we watch 95% of the time in the most convenient location.

Out of the four of us, my husband probably watches the most television and has gotten into the bad habit of falling asleep in front of it. The kids need their early-morning Dora the Explorer fix like some adults need their caffeine. I probably watch the least but am not without my own sacrifices: I get a lot of work done when my children are plunked in front of it.

I feared the backlash would be similar to when we weaned Haddie from her binky at the ripe ol’ age of 18 months (think: heroin withdrawal). Do you know what, though? Six weeks, four days and 12 hours into (but who’s counting?) we’re surviving. In fact, I’d even say we’re thriving. I can’t say I will ever become one of those anti-television zealots because, welp, I need my Matt Lauer fix. And I cannot discount the educational value of television, as my daughter Hadley demonstrated when she was about to turn 2.

For several months, I had been incessantly reciting 123s and ABCs wherever we went. She would occasionally list off the occasional number just to shut me up but really, she was more focused on becoming am alphabet prodigy. One day we were in the car and I attempted to teach her how to say she was “2 years old,” in honor of her birthday at the end of the month.

She gave me her typical teen-aged “Why are you bothering me, Mother,” look and then casually blurted out, “1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10.” I stopped, shocked. “Did you just count to 10, Hadley?” She repeated herself, this time throwing in the number 11 for good measure. Showoff.

I was practically jumping for joy! Finally, all those countless hours of teaching her, of slaving over her growth had finally paid off! I had a glimmer of hope that I was making at least some difference in her life! Bursting with pride, I wanted acknowledgment and gratitude for my efforts. “Hadley, who taught you to count to 10?”

“Barney!!!!!!!!”

Filed Under: Family, issues

Happy Canada Day!

July 1, 2009 by Amber

In honor of Canada Day today, allow me to divulge a disturbing glimpse into the life of my Canuckian parents who met each other curling.

And no, I’m not making that up. It is the Canadian version of meeting at a bar.

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Mom: I guess we need to go and buy another I.D. dog tag for Mia. I can’t seem to find the tag we bought yesterday, and I’m not going to get a good night of sleep until she has her tag.

So they roar off to Petland. On their way to Petland, Mom conducts yet another search of the car, and lo and behold, the missing I.D. tag is found safely tucked into the glove box.

Since they are near The Superstore, Dad pops into the store for a minute,and soon they are on the way home.

Mom: Where is the I.D. tag? I can’t imagine where it disappeared to!

Dad: Well, it has got to be in the car somewhere.

After yet another round of searching, the said I.D. tag is found in Chris’ purse.

Dad: Give me that tag. I am going to hold it until we get home, and immediately put it on that dog as soon as we get home!

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Stan (noticing that his tooth brush was wet): Chris ,did you just use my purple tooth brush?

Chris: Your purple tooth brush? The purple one is MY tooth brush.

Stan: No, your tooth brush is blue, I have been using the purple one for the past year!

Hello, Apple? Meet Tree.

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On another note, my friend Cheryl interviewed me today at MormonWoman.org. It’s not so much a site for LDS peeps but rather, a glimpse into what it is like to be a Mormon woman for those not of our faith. It’s a great site that attempts to dispel misconceptions and portray us in an authentic, positive light.

Still trying to figure out why she wanted to interview me. 🙂

Filed Under: Canada, Family, Humor

When This Mommy Blogger Does Family Travel

June 29, 2009 by Amber

Yeesh, I just went around to visit my favorite blogs and it appears y’all are posting and commenting even less than I. It’s all fun and games until someone gets a life. Just don’t forget to post about all your fun travels and activities afterward!

I thought June was busy with travels to Chautauqua, Colorado Springs, Georgetown and Steamboat Springs. I lied. July is even busier and I am cursing whoever planned all these back-to-back trips.

Oh wait, that was me.

Which explains why my life does appear to be cursed with all the bad things that always happen en route.

We have completed three trips so far on our Tour de Colorado. And all three have had MAJOR problems. I posted about Trip #2 to The Broadmoor today. You’d think staying in one of the world’s nicest resorts would be a piece of cake.

Not for me.

Think cake-smashing at its finest.

Click here to find out about my latest cursing and a video of one of the nicest places on earth.

Filed Under: Colorado, Family, Family travel

Here fishy fishy, bye fishy fishy: share your fish “tales”

June 21, 2009 by Amber

If there was a Social Services for Fish, we would be so busted.

I am sad to inform you that Tad, Rad and Cad met their demise, as well as those other unnamed fishes we managed to kill as well.

Total lifespan at the Johnson Slaughterhouse? A whopping 23 days. For the lucky ones.

For those just tuning in, my daughter Hadley received a fish tank for her 5th birthday from her Aunt Lisa. My husband Jamie and I had previously been resistant to acquiring a pet but thought fish ownership would be a no-brainer.

Turns out the Wizard of Oz’s scarecrow isn’t the only one without a brain.

We started with three fish and replaced them after each ceremonial burial around the toilet.
Tad met his demise in his Man Cave. Cad attempted the back-stroke and ended up staying there. A few others died when the filter broke. We flushed the last-standing fish down the toilet.

It was a mercy killing. He really had no other chance to survive.

We were not bad fish parents, really we weren’t. We fed them twice a day, cleaned the tank once a week and loved them the best we could. During our return trips to Pet Smart, we were interrogated each time. I get this. None of us want our lil’ fishes to end up in a watery grave. But sometimes they went a bit overboard such as when an employee would not sell us a goldfish because our 2-gallon tank “was too small for three fish.”

This, from the store that crams hundreds into one tank. Then again, I don’t ever see their fish floating belly-up.

Maybe theirs are just more proficient in the backstroke than ours.

Filed Under: Family, Hadley, Humor

Meet the [Canadian] Parents

June 18, 2009 by Amber

We’re still having a grand ol’ time with The Parents and am saddened their visit is drawing to a close. After The Broadmoor last weekend (details forthcoming), we’ve had a whirlwind week that has included:

Monday–Happy Father’s Day to Dad! He endured a makeover I’m promoting at Mile High Mamas called “Slob to Suave” where the winner will receive a $100 gift card for JC Penny. Since Dad isn’t really a “slob” I had to improvise for the “Before” picture, Canadian-style. The “After” picture is him sporting his spiffy new clothes.

Tuesday–Jamie got interviewed by National Geographic. It is my life’s goal to be in that magazine and he will be made famous there for his PUMPKINS? There is no justice in the world.

We also picnicked at Lion’s Park in Golden and watched the kayakers.

And yes, Hadley picked that outfit all by herself, why do you ask?

Wednesday–Dad and I drove 3 hours round-trip to Colorado Springs to retrieve his now-fixed car. We did a fabulous hike to Seven Bridges up North Cheyenne Canon Park and I was impressed by this 68-year-old man who can still hold his own on the trail.

That is a nice way of saying he could still kick my butt if he wanted to.

Today–We’re heading to Boulder to have lunch at Chautauqua’s Dining Hall and stroll around Pearl Street.

In other news: Jamie surprised me with an iPhone of my very own. This is partly because he is thoughtful and generous.

But mostly because he was sick of me swiping his.

Filed Under: Canada, Family, Humor

Let’s start at the very beginning

June 17, 2009 by Amber

So, I’m a few weeks behind on my posts. I get that. Busy, busy but I have so many fun tings to share starting with our amazing trip to Chautauqua.

The trip that almost wasn’t started like this:

Fortunately, we made it to our first destination: the Boulder farmer’s market.

Then to play at Pearl Street.

With some hoop action behind our cottage.

But our real reward?

For the (sometimes) sordid story on the first trip on our Tour de Colorado, check out Mile High Mamas today. And please excuse my “like totally rad” video commentary. 🙂

Filed Under: Colorado, Family, Family travel, Humor, travel

This Mommy Blogger’s Murphy’s Law Life on the Road

June 8, 2009 by Amber

This is one of the few summers I will not be returning to The Motherland a.k.a. Canada. It is no secret that I despise the heat. I blame my Canuckian roots and our glorious 70-degree summers. Anything over 85 degrees makes me combust and my body breaks out in a heat rash.

Having 10 pounds of hair doesn’t help, either.

To beat the heat, my family and I will be launching our own Tour de Colorado. For the next few months, we will be traveling all over the state and documenting the best family vacations. And our worst family moments. Here is a preview of what happened on our first Colorado “staycation” to Chautauqua in Boulder two weeks ago.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvf7Pv4_PQk&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3]

My Murphy’s Law life aside, many of our chosen destinations are in the mountains. Because high elevation = big cooldown for this overheated mama. I was recently complaining to my husband Jamie about a jump in temperature from the mid-60s to low-90s and how my body just couldn’t adjust.

“You see, Jamie. I need it to be like that frog in water.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, as the story goes: if you put a frog in boiling water, he simply jumps out because it is too hot. You should make it more gradual. You should put him in lukewarm water and gradually turn up the temperature.”

“Amber, that is not better for the frog. In the end, he dies.”

Filed Under: Colorado, Family, Family travel, Humor, travel

Denver Mommy Blogger Does Canadian Christmas

January 6, 2009 by Amber

A few weeks ago, my friend Lisa hosted a Christmas soiree and had a gift exchange to be remembered. For those who don’t know how to play: everyone brings a wrapped gift and then draws a number and takes a turn either choosing an unwrapped gift or swiping one that has already been opened.

We were half-way through the exchange when my friend Wendy opened the gift I had brought–a green and orange prize ribbon. Everyone dubiously stared at it until realization set in that it was for a certain someone’s prized pumpkin. I won’t go into details but it got ugly. Jamie attests that no one was laughing.

I can assure you that everyone was laughing but him.

Now, onto some highlights of our two-week vacation in Canada:

Sleep, Blessed Sleep

We slept in every morning. I haven’t had that many consecutive nights of eights hours of sleep since birth. Oh wait. I didn’t sleep even then. We slumbered in my parent’s pitch-dark basement. After our first night, I awoke to Bode screaming at the top of his lungs, “Can’t see, can’t see!” In toddler speak, this means “HALP, I’M BLIND!!!!!”

The Cold

The weather was almost unbearable the first several days (-30 degrees) but we spent some quality time visiting with my folks snuggling up by the fire, drinking hot chocolate, dragging the dogs for walks around the house, doing make-up with Grandma, playing games and hanging out in the Canadian Rockies. Oh, and sleeping. Did I mention glorious sleep?

Outdoor Pursuits, Canadian-Style

When temps warmed up, Dad and I went cross-country skiing and we all tobogganed at the gully near my house. Turns out my thrill-seeking days are over and I started to scream “I’m too old for this”… until my 68-year-old father zoomed past me. Jamie declared he had two days left on his health insurance and brazenly stupidly went off a huge jump. There was no sympathy as he limped around afterwards.

I got some YakTrax from my parents for Christmas. Never heard of them? Just strap these bad boys onto your shoes and they help you run in the snow. It was so bloody cold that first week that I went out for a run when it was -20 C. I covered my face with my turtleneck but just breathing caused it to freeze solid. Bottom line: Yaktrax work out marvelously in the sub-zero temps but maybe you shouldn’t. Will wait for balmy -15 degree conditions next time around.

On Not Getting Ripped

My brother Pat and his wife Jane took Jamie and I to Caesar’s, the best steakhouse in Calgary. Oh, and I did not get Ripped. Why burn 1,000 calories in an hour when you eat ten times that in two hours? The good Lord chose to smite me with the stomach flu that Ripped day. A curse or possibly a blessing?

The Canucks

Seeing beloved friend Stacey and then hanging out with cherished high school sweethearts Allison and Shannon.

Note: Prior to snapping this shot, Shannon asked, “Are we taking the picture with our clothes on or off?”

And no, we weren’t those kind of sweethearts.

Jamie met renowned giant pumpkin grower “The Ice Man” (because what would any vacation be like without pumpkins?) Ice Man took him out to his property and showed Jamie his 12 greenhouses where he grows his orange monstrosities. A disturbing glimpse into the life we would lead if we ever moved to Canada.

My brother Pat is a commodities trader and travels in wealthy circles. We got invited out to one of these friend’s houses for a Boxing Day party to play hockey in their backyard (because doesn’t everyone flood their backyard and make it into a rink?) I enjoyed chatting with everyone but later realized the net worth in the room with four other couples was $100 million. Any guesses who was the poorest?

Christmas

Nothing has ever compared to Christmas in Canada for me. Christmas Eve was replete with family traditions of stuffing our faces, [badly] playing the Christmas bells, proving our mental deficiencies in the Left-Wright Game and fighting over presents in the gift exchange. Christmas Day was food, generosity and laughter. The perfect holiday spent with my wonderful parents and my brother and his family.

The Flights

I did not die (though I wanted to kill a few people en route.) Overall, pretty minor on the Amber Scale of Catastrophes: 1) Our Chariot stroller accrued THREE flat tires 2) The Las Vegas airport SUCKS for layovers and doesn’t have a #$&(&# train between terminals and the Chariot would not fit in the shuttle. 3) We flew into Denver with 40 mph winds–the worst turbulence I have ever experienced. As the children delightedly squealed, “Weeeee, roller-coaster airplane!” I started writing my will. Of course, you are all in it.

Too bad I’m not worth much.

Note to self: start hanging out with wealthy commodities traders in 2009.

XOXO
Amber

Filed Under: Canada, Family, Family travel, holidays, Humor

Give the Gift of Death This Holiday Season

December 22, 2008 by Amber

Money is tight for many of my family members this year. So instead of giving each other gifts we don’t really need that we will then exchange for gifts we really want, my sister-in-law Jane came up with a plan.

“This year, we will give each other experiences!” she announced. She then expounded this would entail spending time doing some kind of memorable activity together.

I loved the idea. I never know what to get most members of my family and building memories seemed like a much better alternative.

Unless they are bad memories.

When Jane made her proclamation, I had visions of being treated to a night out without the children (with free babysitting included, of course). It could be a play, a movie, a fancy dinner or even a walk down by the river. We would laugh, we would bond and we would well, build memories.

But then she dropped the bomb: “Your brother Pat and I thought it would be fun for you and [my husband] Jamie to go to Ripped with us.”

I hesitated. Anything with the word “ripped” could not be good. I figured it was either a seedy hangout or a killer workout, both of which might ultimately lead me to R.I.P.

I hesitatingly followed up: “Just what exactly is Ripped?” She confirmed it was her town’s most kick-butt workout at the local gym. A workout that had her seeing stars within the first 15 minutes.

A rather appropriate symbol for this Christmas season, wouldn’t you agree?

Now, I’m not some kind of a wimp. Many of you followed my journey with Front Range Adventure Boot Camp for Women and my New Year’s resolution is to conjoin myself with that trainer’s life-changing new program at Foothills CrossFit, a fitness phenomenon that is sweeping the country.

It’s just that I’m not quite Ripped yet. And I really want to have enough energy to lift my fork from my plate to my mouth during Christmas dinner.

I have my priorities, you know.

I knew Jamie would be even less thrilled about the prospect. Our Wii Fit recently accused him of being a Couch Potato. Instead of persevering, he indifferently shrugged his shoulders and went back to his computer.

And so this holiday season, I encourage you to relish in the materialistic world. Give presents, eat food, show love. But just don’t give “experiences.”

Then again, nothing says Christmas like the gift of death.

Filed Under: Canada, Family, Favorite Posts, Humor