1. I was born at the stroke of midnight in beautiful Calgary, Canada.

Neighboring Moraine Lake

2. I was a fussy baby; my mother says the only reason I’m still alive is because my grandma saved me.

3. I still remember the marathon tantrums I threw as a child.

4. I loved to camp with my family. I have fond memories of panic attacks as we listened to the bears rummage through the garbage bins outside our camper.

5. I had a happy childhood but remember my parents fighting a lot.

6. I had many great friends in my neighborhood growing up, all of whom I remain in contact.

7. Most of their parents are divorced.

8. My parents are still together and live in the house I grew up in.

9. I have never broken a bone in my body. I received stitches in my ear when I was 6 after Peter Jamison ripped my butterfly earring out. I didn’t tell my parents about it for a while because I liked grossing all my friends out.

10. I am sandwiched between two brothers; we are four and five years apart. We were never overly close growing up.

11. All three of us were educated in the U.S. and married Americans.

12. I was raised LDS (Mormon) but never really gained a personal testimony of the faith until college.

13. I only have two cousins, one on each side. I haven’t seen either of them in years.

14. My dad’s parents were poor immigrant farmers from the Ukraine. They lived in Manitoba so I rarely saw them.

15. My mother comes from a line of wealthy farmers/land owners. For years, there have been ridiculous disputes over the family money.

16. I spent many wonderful weekends and holidays on my grandparent’s farm (mom’s side) in Raymond, Alberta.

17. To this day, I still hate the smell of farms.

18. One of my favorite memories is sneaking quarters out of my dad’s change drawer and buying chocolate bars from the nearby golf course.

19. I started my awkward stage as a tween. I hope to grow out of it next year.

20. I was a regional champ in long jump and placed second at city’s. I also raced in the 400 meters but hated it and hid in the stands when my race was called.

21. I worked as a waitress from the time I was 13 at my mom’s English tea room and gift shop. I blew ludicrous amounts of money on clothes.

22. I won best all-around athlete and scholar in sixth grade. I was madly in love with my teacher, Mr. Monroe. To this day, Lionel Ritchie’s song, “Hello” reminds me of him.

23. I had a crush on my community basketball coach, Steve Christmas. He once drove me home from a game and joked I was fogging up the windows. I didn’t breathe the rest of the way home.

24. In junior high, I won Athlete of the Year. I was madly in love with my gym teacher, Mr. Banks.

25. I went to volleyball camp every summer for four years. I always had crushes on my coaches (sensing a pattern here?)

26. In high school, I was recognized in the Calgary Herald’s Sports Hall of Fame. I looked stoned in my picture that appeared in the paper.

27. My dad and I were outdoor buddies growing up. Some of my best memories are when we went roller-blading, ice skating, biking, hiking, and cross-country and alpine skiing together.

28. I first learned to swear as a child when he’d ditch me on the ski slopes. This created a resolve and determination to always keep up.

29. I played the piano in Canada’s Royal Conservatory of Music for eight years. I quit right before I would have been able to teach or actually do something with it.

30. I dreamed of playing college soccer but had to quit when I blew out my ankle at tryouts for Alberta’s Provincial Team when I was 15.

31. I spent the next few years biking hundreds of miles on Calgary’s extensive network of bike paths.

32. I slacked off all through high school. My parents never asked to see one report card because I had previously excelled academically.

33. Two of my favorite high school memories are when the Olympics came to Calgary and when the Calgary Flames won the Stanley Cup.

34. Despite being outgoing and social, I was shy around guys in high school.

35. As a teen-ager, I was obsessed with buying a Cabriolet Convertible.

36. My car in high school was a Mercury Lynx named Burt, whose theme song was “Doing the Locomotion.”

37. Burt died the week before my sophomore year of college. My parents bought me a Honda Civic and I had two days to learn how to drive a stick. It is the only time I have ever seen my dad lose his patience.

38. My parents gave me an enormous amount of freedom and always trusted me. I never had a curfew.

39. I once hit a car in the school’s parking lot and bolted. I was busted at dinner later that day by my brother, who said his friend witnessed the whole thing.

40. I worked as a movie extra the summer of my junior year and had my first real kiss from a fellow extra. He turned out to be a creep.

41. I got kicked out of math my senior year for cutting too many classes and had to go to summer school before I started college.

42. I never drank, smoked or did drugs in high school and was always the designated driver for all my friends. Sick of it, I quit going to parties my senior year.

43. My first semester of college, I backpacked across the western United States on a life-changing course called The Natural Field Expedition.

44. Some of the friends I made then still remain my closest today.

Cruising Jackson Hole with Expedition Friend Jason

45. I love entertaining and throwing parties but am uncomfortable when people throw parties for me.

46. I almost married my college freshman boyfriend. We were together a total of five years.

47. I served an 18-month LDS mission to Switzerland and France in 1993-4. I still love the people and culture to this day.

48. I was elected Executive Director of Public Relations for BYU’s student government my junior year. It was my favorite year of college.

49. My car was hit and run over by a semi on the interstate in March 2006. We should have been killed but it became one my most powerful witnesses of God’s protective power.

50. My worst date ever was when my almost-boyfriend took me to see a film for his biology class–Conception and Fetal Development: A Nine-Month Journey. On Valentine’s Day.

51. I did a study abroad to Jerusalem my final semester. We lived in Israel, Egypt and Jordan.
I remain fascinated with Ancient Scripture and the Middle East.

52. I dreamed of becoming a war correspondent and applied as an intern for CNN’s Jerusalem bureau. They didn’t accept interns in war-torn countries Go figure.

53. I was offered an internship in broadcast journalism for CNN’s Crossfire in D.C. and as a publicist for SkiUtah. I chose to pursue PR.

54. I changed jobs every year during my career. Most of my positions were in Utah’s outdoor/adventure-travel industry.

55. I worked in every forum of communication: TV, radio and print journalism.

56. I was career-obsessed during my 20s because I was afraid of settling down and having kids.
57. I dated a lot and dragged out many relationships, using them as a security blanket.

58. I hiked or ran every trail along Utah’s Wasatch Front. I usually did it solo before or after work.

59. I love popping zits.

60. I traveled extensively during my career; Waterton, Alberta (a gorgeous mountain resort) is still my favorite destination.

Waterton

61. My list of future travels includes Alaska, Nepal, Patagonia and I would love to backpack The West Coast Trail in British Columbia. I have always loathed Las Vegas.

62. I am a perfect mix of my parents. I have my mom’s outgoing personality but also enjoy spending time by myself in the outdoors like my dad.

63. I got married when I was 30, considered old-maid status in the LDS church.

64. My mom lamented for years that I would never get married.

65. I met my husband, Jamie, on the Internet and knew from the start he was The One.

66. He proposed to me before we even met. The same week my ex-boyfriend also proposed to me.

67. Jamie and I were married in Denver’s LDS temple six months from the time we first started writing.

68. My wedding day was the best day of my life.

69. We both remained abstinent until our wedding night.

70. We went on our honeymoon to Costa Rica.

71. Jamie hit a bus with our rental car, his first accident ever.

72. Jamie is the sweetest, funniest, most wise and worthy man I have ever known.

73. Despite many good friends and acquaintances, I am remiss I don’t have any super close female confidents since I moved to Colorado.

74. We lived with Jamie’s parents for six months while I was pregnant with Hadley, waiting for our house to be built.

75. I am very close to my in-laws and am grateful they live only a few minutes away.

76. Being a mom has been a roller-coaster of the best and worst days I’ve ever had.

77. I wouldn’t trade my new role for the world.

78. The main thing that has kept me sane as a mom has been my mom’s hiking group. I have regularly hit the trail with Haddie and Bode since they were six weeks old.

79. Sometimes, I still find it hard to believe I’m a mom.

80. The toughest thing about motherhood for me is ensuring I stay busy. I am not a homebody and despise being stuck in the house.

81. My favorite treat is cookie dough. I’d much rather eat the dough than the cooked product.

82. I have a Kleenex box in every room and blow my nose an average of 50 times a day.

83. My water broke with Hadley while blowing my nose at Einsteins’ Bagels.

84. I am still utterly grossed out with every poopy diaper I change.

85. Despite having a crafty, domestic goddess mother, I cannot even thread a sewing machine.

86. The only thing I would change about Jamie is his crappy health. In the past 10 years, he has had cancer, heart problems, knee surgery and a hernia (to name a few). His latest ailment is palydromic rheumatism.

87. I have always been healthy. Except for my overactive snot reserves.

88. My favorite television programs are Lost, The Office, and The Amazing Race. I have never watched a full episode of American Idol.

89. I would like to only have two children but know we’re supposed to have three.

90. My biggest pet peeves: snooty, flakey and critical people.

91. I hate talking on the phone. I always have. So if you do call, don’t be offended when I don’t call back. Use email.

92. My biggest turn-on is watching how great Jamie is with Hadley and Bode. Oh, and having my hair massaged.

93. The only thing I truly miss about my career is writing. Blogging has helped fill that void.

94. If I had loads of money, I would still stay home with my children but would hire a nanny to help me.

95. I have a secret dream of coming into a lot of money so Jamie and I could start up our own foundations and travel the world with our family.

96. I would like to become more involved in community programs that help homeless families with new babies. It is heartbreaking for me to think about so many children being born into the world without their basic needs being met.

97. My favorite way to spend the day is hiking in the mountains with my family.

98. My favorite way to spend the night is during Family Snuggles when we read, laugh, say prayers and put Haddie and Bode to bed. Jamie and I then stay up talking about our day or watching TV.

99. I love my family and consider myself blessed to have them.

100. I never thought I’d come up with 100 items about my life!

Last Friday, I had two showers: one I threw, one I attended. As some of you know, I’m not a fan of them. Cases in point:

My bridal shower: I was forced to have one.

Baby shower for Haddie: Outright refused.

Baby shower for Bode: Relented under the assumption of no cheesiness; was later tricked into another one. I think they called it a surprise party.

The one I threw was for my friend, Suzy, a member of our hiking playgroup. The weather was frigid and I worried about keeping such a large number of toddlers occupied inside. My fears were unfounded.

Because where there are no outdoor escapades, there is always indoor nakedness.

Within a few minutes, the majority of them were either buck naked or attired in Haddie’s dress-up clothes and her treasured collection of Dora big-girl panties. I could hear her sternly lecturing her fellow potty-training buddies: “NO ACCIDENTS!”

Coming from the Queen Bee of Hypocrisy herself.

Tina and I presented the diaper cake we made. That same diaper cake which caused our negligence and resulted in our children’s public nudity. Sensing a pattern here?

While the kids stealthily left puddles all over the house, the adult-folk were also sufficiently entertained with my memorable shower game: diaper diuretics. I melted several different candy bars, smeared them on various diapers and forced my dear friends to guess the flavor. Because we don’t endure enough of that each and every day.

Oh, and because I’m classy like that.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Mom’s Blog

Due to the increased amount of inquiries regarding my frequent references to church, allow me to dispel some confusion. I shall not expound upon doctrine because lightning would probably strike me…twice…but rather all the delightful cultural idiosyncrasies that come with membership in the fastest-growing church in the world.

LDS: The correct name of the church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Within church circles, many members refer to themselves as LDS and not Mormon, the latter of which is a nickname. And to those souls who frequently come upon my blog after googling “Are Mormons crazy,” the answer is NO. Present company excluded, of course.

Ward: This is our congregation, not to be confused with a psychiatric ward. Most of the time.

Callings: Usually every member of the church is given a calling, which is one of the key components in making the ward function with a non-paid clergy. Callings are temporary and are extended from the Bishop (the ward leader). They can range from working with the children, youth, adults or the real kicker that everyone wants: Ward Activities Leader. Or maybe not. Trust me on this one….

Singles Ward: When folks turn 18, they have the option of attending a Singles Ward until they are 31, otherwise known as a “Meat Market.” It is here that faithful young members bat their eyelashes and bear testimony of what a perfect mate they’ll become. It is such a pervading sub-culture there was even a movie made about this veritable marriage mill from which many people benefit.

Except for Jamie and I. He was dishonorably discharged when he became “of age.” He mercifully married me merely five days before I got the boot. Yes, we are model members.

Mormon Standard Time (MST): The estimated arrival time of at least 1/2 hour after an event is scheduled to begin.

Seminary: From the time kids are 14-18, they are encouraged to attend Seminary classes. Every morning during the school year, they drag themselves out of bed before the crack of dawn to learn the scriptures at their local church building.

Unless you’re me. I lasted one whole week. I was later punished for my slothfulness when I was called as a seminary teacher whilst pregnant with Hadley. Sadly, I was never sick enough to miss even one day and would always puke my guts out after I taught. The Lord has a funny sense of humor…

FHE: Family Home Evening. Every Monday, an LDS family congregates for a special night of games, lessons, bonding, chaos and the occasional black eye. And food. Lots and lots of food.

In the marriage mill Singles Ward, folks are divided into various FHE groups and these “brothers” and “sisters” meet together every Monday. This is how my brother Pat met his wife. Rest assured, there are an inordinate amount of incestuous relationships in these “families.”

Missionaries: Chances are you’ve seen the “Elders” (guys) hitting the streets in their white shirts and ties. And “sisters” have allegedly been seen riding their purple-people-eater bikes with dorky helmets and skirts that get caught in the chain every few blocks (I’m still recovering from the humiliation).

As many of you know, I served a mission in Switzerland and Jamie in Toronto. Elders leave when they’re 19 and serve for two years; sisters when they’re 21 years old and they serve for 18 months.

Prior to entering “the mission field,” they have a brief stay at the MTC (missionary training center) where they learn their assigned language and gospel doctrine. Oh, and ponder the mysteries of life, such as what exactly they put in that cafeteria food to cause a heady gaseous substance and incessant flatulence that permeates their small classroom.

LDS missions are voluntary and assignments are received from the church leadership. The reason for the latter is two-fold:

1) Inspiration.

2)Who in their right mind would choose to serve in a place such as South Dakota?…

Visiting Teaching: the glories of forced friendship

On Monday, the weather cleared long enough for us to go on a trek with our hiking club. Hadley was in her element and, as usual, led the pack.

Also guiding the troops was another sweet girl I’ve never met, whose mother looked like just stepped out of an ad for Backpacker magazine. She was garbed in full backcountry attire, including top-of-the-line hiking boots and GPS. Inwardly, I smirked and almost jokingly commented that we were merely on a 1-mile toddler hike and not a summit push to Everest. But I resisted because shockingly enough, not everyone appreciates my adorable brand of sarcasm.

A few minutes into the hike, I realized the GPS had a purpose besides just making her look like a dork: this woman was geocaching. Not familiar with the term? The basic idea is to have folks set up caches all over the world and share the locations of these caches on the Internet. GPS users can then use the location coordinates to find the caches (or treasures as we called them with the kids).

Before I knew it, Haddie, Bode and I left the group with this gal and were rifling through the woods, forging dried-up river beds and searching through hollowed-out trunks to find the hidden treasure. It made me shut right up and wish I was wearing my top-of-the-line hiking boots. Which I plan to do when we hook up with her again next week.

Just call me Dork Junior.

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Thanks for the congratulations I’ve received for making the Top 100 Mom Bloggers list. I’m not sure what that means but I was honored to numbered amongst so many reputable bloggers. Can’t find me on the list? I couldn’t, either. I squeaked in at #96. I’m just counting my blessings it wasn’t a competition for the Top 95 Mom Bloggers because well, we know what that would mean….

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Anyone up for a huge blogging party this summer? I would LOVE to attend BlogHer, the biggest and baddest excuse for bloggin’ mamas to finally meet and play!

Last year, I read all the fantastic commentaries of the event and was remorseful I hadn’t attended because of a little thing called birthing baby Bode.

This time around, it’s being held July 27-29 at Chicago’s Navy Pier, a giant fun-park with rides, attractions, theatres, shops, museum, fireworks, and restaurants.

So start saving now! And hopefully a whole bunch of us will be able to paint the town red. Or yellow, a reflection upon when a bunch of women-whose-bladders-have-been-weakened-from-giving-birth attempt the roller-coasters….

I am glad Easter is over. This has nothing to do with anything Jesus but the stress related to planning our ward Easter party. The same that was supposed to be outside in the beautifully wooded area behind the church. You know: on the day it snowed.

I can’t tell you how many calls I received that morning to see if it was canceled.

What I said:
No problem! We’ll just move it inside.

What I wanted to say
Ask me how many Easter hunts we held outside in Canada. A big Z-E-R-O. We’d then go and chuck our eggs down the gully with two feet of snow. SO SUCK IT UP!

It would appear I’m a little bit burned out from this calling.

Easter itself was grand. As a ham hater, I graciously offered up my brother-in-law to spend eight hours slow-cooking a brisket with his new smoker. I figured his efforts put a small dent in the thousands of hours he sat on the couch watching football while the woman-folk slaved over the food.

And he’s somebody I like. Don’t ever get on my bad side.

The brisket was glorious and was accompanied by my MIL’s fresh rolls and funeral potatoes (with the assertion from Jamie’s sister that more people needed to die so we could eat them more frequently). Oh, and my strawberry and blueberry cream cheese angel food cake trifle; easier to eat than say!


By the end of hunting season, Haddie was a seasoned pro. The highlight was her final egg hunt at Grandma’s house wherein she was the only kid. Unless you count our herniated turtle, Bode, but he didn’t prove to be much competition.

I knew she had come into her own during our Easter party at the church. A friend came up to me and mentioned someone was sneaking the eggs we’d hidden for the hunt.

My first inclination led me to assume it was those blasted 10-year-old boys in our ward, who are solely responsible for the nightmares I have that Bode will one day become like them. And if so, I already have plans to ship him off to Grandma Canuck. Yes, they are just that bad.

But then Jamie found the true culprit. Hidden in a room with her secret stash.

Easter means different things to different people.

For Jamie: it means Bunny Hatred, as is evidenced by his artistic rendering to “welcome” the Easter bunny to our home. I suspect it is not coincidental it bears a strong resemblance to our neighbor’s English bulldog.

For Bode: it’s all about copying Daddy’s Bunny Hatred

For me: it’s about the stress of throwing Easter parties for our entire congregation…and encouraging full-contact Bunny Hop races. (This is the Before picture; I cannot show you the blood bath that was the After Picture…)

And for Hadley: Not to be forgotten is, of course, Jesus. And it was our little Hurricane who reminded us of this very fact with her memorable observations last year at this time….

I had the opportunity to meet Annie of Hot Fruita Moms acclaim this week. I actually approached her to be one of the contributing writers for my Denver Post project and she eagerly jumped onboard. Or overboard. Stay tuned for the outcome.

She is the first person I’ve met through my online/blogging pursuits. Well, unless you count my hubby and you all know how that turned out. But Annie and I had a grand time hashing about our project, husbands, kids, life, etc. She is beautiful, energetic,vivacious and every bit as funny in person.

Annie brought her daughter along to play with Hadley. Even though she’s a few years older, they had a grand time tearing up our backyard and playing in our mucky sandbox. At one point, Haddie squealed for me to come see what her new friend taught her, which involved climbing onto the back of one of our patio chairs and precipitously hanging on the outside of our play structure before fearlessly scaling it.

Annie about had a heart attack when she saw Hadley’s attempts but I assured her this was much better than the back flip she did off the couch last week. The poor woman is obviously not accustomed to life with a Hurricane.

Prior to Annie’s Denver visit, she mentioned she was going to meet me on her blog and asked if anyone had any questions for me. Like I’m some kind of celebrity, of course. And much to my shock, a few folks obliged.

1) Q: Thoroughly Mormon Millie asked about my days in radio.

A: Though the brunt of my career was in print and as a publicist, I did two different stints on the radio. The first at the very beginning and quite appropriately, also at the end. My first job out of college was as an intern for SkiUtah, the PR/marketing end of Utah’s ski industry. Through that, I landed the position as their snow reporter on all the radio stations. When I took the job, the reports were blase and boring. I mean, how exciting can snow totals be?

And that is when I created the Craaaaaazy Canuck Snow Reporter. I made every report energetic, fun and had a different sign-off everyday. I was amazed how well received I was just for putting in a little bit of effort. I had a blast, had more ski days than I could count, made special appearances and now have the impressive resume of how to say “skiing is cool” in 100 different ways.

At the end of my career, I freelanced for Metro News, one of 60 nation-wide bureaus. I worked during the Salt Lake City 2002 Olympics and did everything from filling in as the News Director to voicing the on-air traffic and news reports.

The absolute worst was when I was the Traffic Producer. We had a special drop-down box for road conditions and during a particularly early (and perfectly clear) morning, I accidentally clicked on “Foggy conditions” instead of “Freeway speeds.” Close enough, right? What I’m saying is just don’t trust everything you hear on those reports. Or when I’m in charge, don’t trust anything….

2) Q: The other question that was posed: are they real? My curls, that is. A: The answer is mostly yes. I always had straight hair until puberty. And then when most girls were blossoming bosoms, I got dreadlocks. These days, I get my hair permed once a decade. Just because the heavenly scent of those perm solutions is a natural high.

And as for the other are they real question that was never posed but that I am sure you’re all wondering: yes, they’re real, too. Though I guess there is a reason why I’ve never been asked that question by anyone who has met me….

To all those folks who wasted their money to spend Spring Break in Florida and not Colorado last week: SUCKERSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

The grandparents want it so you have to suffer through it. An update on the children, that is. Because you don’t hear enough about them in this blog.

Bode “Bubby,” 8 months

Bode is a hoot these days and enjoys laughing his squishy guts out at Hadley, doing face plants in the bath and is enjoying the effects of prune juice on his err…plumbing problems (which takes effect immediately if you’ve ever wondered).

He has also started crawling. Well, he goes about as fast as a herniated turtle and I admittedly chortle at him when he becomes high-centered like one.

I’m supportive like that.

But he has officially begun getting on all fours and scooting around. I’d like to say I’m ecstatic about it but in the end, it will just mean more work for me. Y’know because I will have to clean the floors more than once a year. I would like to believe this will be the spark he needs to become more independent but I strongly suspect it will just give him more access to his mama. Nothing like your own parasitic shadow, y’know?

Sleeping is still a challenge and he is up several times in the night. On Saturday night, we implemented Operation Suck It Up Cry It Out Tough Love. I’m not into the extreme methods but I agree with my pediatrician who advocates going in there every few minutes, rubbing their back and then letting them drown in their own slobber.

I’m supportive like that.

The Hurricane has been living up to her name and keeps a frenzied pace. When she’s not running up mountains with her little hiking group, she’s taking swimming lessons and promoting Dance Fever at the library’s storytime (she is indeed quite the little wallflower like her mama).

We have also been living and breathing potty training, with an emphasis on the breathing part because our house smells like it is just one big toilet. I’m quite sick of the whole process but the frustrating part is her inconsistency. She’ll go a couple of days with very few accidents and then will flat-out refuse to even try.

I have started implementing threats gentle coaxing wherein I bribe her with sweets and withhold privileges to which she feels entitled, such as unlimited Dora viewership. My methodology has not worked and she is perfectly content to sit in her soiled diaper sans Dora and food. And so I just eat her jelly bellies instead. I think I’ll gain 50 pounds by the time she’s finally trained.

She is also gymnastics-obsessed and I am proud to say I taught her how to do a back somersault and a head-stand last weekend while we watched our church’s General Conference on television. Because you didn’t think we’d actually sit still for four, two-hour sessions do you?

And when I say “taught” I don’t mean “demonstrated.”It was more along the lines of barking instructions from the comfort of my cozy jelly belly-ladened rear.

I’m supportive like that….