Sorry I’ve been M.I.A. lately but we’re still sick. Actually, Jamie and I are what I call The Functional Sick but the kids are definitely The Dysfunctional. I.e. Delirious Hadley professing she wanted to “tip-toe up to the sky.” And then when poor Bode woke up after a hellacious night (details to come) with his eyes so pussy he couldn’t open them and screeched out as if to say, “What da fweak–I’m blind!!!!!” I had to chuckle as I wiped him down and he proclaimed his restored vision a modewn-day miwacle.

Needless to say, last week was rough. Another huge storm hit and we were quarantined indoors the entire time. This put a major dent in my plans to meet with a personal trainer at the gym. That same man who was going to miraculously help me melt away 100 pounds in 3 weeks before our cruise. Hey, it happens on The Biggest Loser, why not here?

Jamie’s mom mercifully took the kids for a few hours on Saturday so Jamie and I could have some time away from snot-laden misery. We took advantage of all our new snow and went snowshoeing. We also dropped by the local car dealership to test drive our vehicle of interest. And because there’s no better way to spend a Saturday than scaring the crap out of seedy car salesmen as I careen down the mountain 100 miles/hour on slick roads.

After being barked at by ma honey to slow down, we started talking the talk with Rico. We went in there with the intention to look at used models, knowing we couldn’t afford a new SUV. Until we fell in love with a 2007 car color. Suddenly, Rico’s talk of the alleged new leasing policies sounded like a possibility (and I’m looking for any recommendations on pros and cons of leasing new versus buying used). In the end, we’ll probably just buy used. But then again, I just don’t think I could go through this life without an Aberdeen green vehicle.

Last night was one of the worst with the children due to their horrific coughs. I had a church meeting at 6:30 a.m. so Jamie graciously offered to take the Bode night shift. Until he coughed all night. After listening to the kid wail for hours, I finally relieved Jamie and stayed up with Bode until 4:30 a.m.

I had every intention of skipping the meeting but ended up dragging my exhausted rear out of bed 1.5 hours later. I’d like to say it was because I am just that good and that I am duly motivated by my Christ-like heart. But noooo. It was because I had a dream that I had slept through the meeting and when I woke up, Jamie made me watch Austin Powers over and over again.

And so my friends, sadly enough it was The Spy That Shaggged Me who duly motivated me to fulfill my church calling. Kinda puts a new twist on WWJD, wouldn’t you agree? Maybe Hadley isn’t the only delirious one around here….

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

Finally, a spare moment! We’re slowly settling back into life after the chaos of Christmas. We had a grand time but having 10 people crammed into my childhood home was ambitious, especially when 40% of said people are under the age of 4. Suffice it to say it wasn’t boring. But it wasn’t exactly restful, either.

We celebrated Christmas #1 prior to flying up to Canada (which Jamie detailed on his blog). Christmas #2 wasn’t quite so smooth sailing when Jamie’s flight got canceled due to Denver’s blizzard. He eventually made it to Calgary a few days later on Christmas Eve. From then on, everything went pretty smoothly. Well, as smoothly as a Christmas with yours truly can be.

I was exceedingly bummed The Great White North was devoid of white because my favorite activities include cross-country skiing with my dad, sledding down the gully behind our house, and skating for miles on the local lake. I prayed and prayed for snow and finally, miraculously, the snow flew and I could almost taste all the delicious outdoor Canuckian activities.

And then I got sick.

Because that is what I do every stinkin’ year I go home. This is not an exaggeration. Just ask my mom because she complains about it. At least it was a cold and not the Norwalk Virus, which has slammed us every other time I’ve brought Jamie to Calgary. The highlight a couple of years ago was watching my dad (the only healthy one) follow us around the house with the bleach bottle. Oh, and the time I threw up on myself in the bath tub. OK, those were more like lowlights.

So, while I wallowed in my sickly self-pity, everyone else participated in the activities I longed to do.

It wasn’t all bad, mind you. Besides my illness and later infecting my children on the flight home, the trip was grand. I saw some childhood friends, went on a date night with ma honey, traipsed all over Heritage Park’s 12 Days of Christmas in glorious sub-zero temperatures and slept in until 8:30 a.m. thanks to those darkened mornings in the northern latitudes. Oh, and took about a gazillion pictures of all the cousins like this one in an attempt to get just one keeper. And do you think it ever happened?

The flight home had its challenges but my real reward was when I walked in the door of our house. Remember my “slacker” hubby who camped out with his compact fridge in front of the television during his snow days?

Well, I’m sure he still did that. But on the Saturday after his flight was bumped, Jamie secretly steam cleaned all the carpets and gave me an early birthday surprise: a beautifully cleaned and freshly painted bedroom, something we have been talking about doing since we moved into the house almost three years ago.

Which begs the question: do you mourn his late arrival in Calgary…or pray for more blizzards in the future?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

I’ve had some requests for some Christmas pictures; I’ll post more after we return to Denver next week. Should it ever stop snowing so we can fly home, that is.

#1: The long-awaited Kiddie Kandid’s Kristmas shots . The one we chose:

#2. The one I should have chosen: (for full explanation, see Kiddie Kandid’s Katastrophe here)

#3: Bode’s first haircut from cousin Ashton. I like to entitle this one: WHAT DA FWEAK??!

#4. Jamie’s favorite “gift that keeps on giving.” My sister-in-law Jane bought “Jamie” an R.E.I. gift card and this sassy little number. Finally, someone who gives the lingerie to the correct person. As I’ve said for years: it ain’t for me.

Though I do think his legs will look stunning….

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

As usual, our Christmas was comically chaotic. We threw our stellar Christmas Eve party, had a grand time the next day opening the presents but even more entertaining was watching the kids. Haddie got everything Dora and Bode was so entranced by it all, especially all the tissue paper and bows he received for Christmas. Yep, we’re just that generous.

I love everything about Christmas except the huge meal. Call me crazy but I’d rather spend time playing games, watching movies and just hanging out vs. barking at each other in the kitchen. Because I so love spending my holiday stressing about cooking and then cleaning up all freakin’ day. Call me an anti-traditionalist. But here are some highlights:

How You Know You’re in Canada for Christmas:

“Jane, that’s a pretty huge tree. How tall is it?”
“About 12 feet.”
“How’d you get the ornaments up so high?”
“We used a hockey stick. But I got mad at your brother Pat when he put the porcelain angel on top and in his attempts to get her to stay, he started high sticking her face.”

How You Know Dogs Rule the Roost:

Would you eat these tasty goodies that were left on our table?

Yeah, me too. Turns out, this deceptive little package was in actuality dog treats. And they didn’t taste nearly as good as they look (I found that out the hard way). As I’m usually the butt of all the jokes, this blunder was no exception. I thought all was forgotten until we were opening gifts and I was surprised to receive a gift bag from Jane’s snarky shitzu.

“Oh, I feel so badly for all those horrible things I’ve said about Rosie over the years!”

But then I opened it.

My brother Jade had retrieved the dog treats in all their glory, wrapped them up and regifted them to me. Can you say D-O-G-H-O-U-S-E???????!!!

How You Know Hemeroids can be a Beautiful Thing:

After dinner, my Aunt Sue gave Jamie and my mom some electrical shock therapy to help with their individual ailments. Because what would Christmas dinner be without torture tactics? I thought the highlight was when Aunt Sue accidentally jolted Mom with about 100 volts and her eyeballs bugged out of her head. But I was wrong.

The real highlight was our discussion that followed on Preparation H. Don’t ask what the connection was; there doesn’t need to be one in my family.

Me: Did you know body builders put Preparation H on their abs before a competition? It pulls moisture out of the skin and shows greater muscle definition.

Jane: Beauty pageant contestants do the same to eliminate wrinkles under their eyes.

As we discussed the ramifications of Preparation H for aesthetic purposes, there was a lull in the conversation before my brother Pat acerbically announced:

“I think I’ll just keep using it on my butt, thank you.”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

We received a Christmas miracle of our own this year: Jamie was able to get a flight on Christmas Eve!

Since I’ll be posting a bit more infrequently this week as my entire family enjoys the holiday together, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention my best Christmas ever. It actually wasn’t even at Christmastime. Huh? As I posted at this time last year, when I was at BYU I did a Study Abroad in the Holy Land, with Israel, Egypt and Jordan as my home. It was my privilege to study under some of the most renowned Jewish, Muslim and Christian leaders in all of Jerusalem.

One particular outing still resonates in my mind. We’d gone to Bethlehem and had toured the Church of the Nativity and other related sites. From there, it was onto Shepherd’s Field where I witnessed for the first time what the true meaning of Christmas was all about….

“I am sitting here at Shepherd’s Field, enjoying the view of Jerusalem today. Call me crazy, but whenever I’ve thought of ‘fields,’ I’ve always thought of green grass and rolling hills! The area we’re in forms kind of a valley, with rocks at every footstep. There is a scattering of small trees that appear to be scratching their fingernails on an ebony sky. This is the only form of life in this desolate, harsh terrain.

Shepherd’s Field. How many hours did the shepherds spend with their flocks here, just enjoying its quiet beauty? What a simple yet fulfilling life they must have lived. Yet they must have been such righteous men, so in control of their own world. What an honor to be witnesses of both angels on high, and then, the Messiah. What an incredible place this must have been to come back to! A place of divine manifestation, a choice place where the Son of God would begin his mortal existence. There is so much that has happened in this Holy Land. The ministering of angels, the footprints of the prophets, the touch of the Christ.

It’s 7:40 p.m. and the Muslim’s Call to Prayer echoes throughout the valley. It’s as if it is coming from two separate sides of Jerusalem and I am the central focal point where they both shall meet. In the moonlight, it appears as if everything around me is moving in slow motion. A subtle, heady perfume is in the night air. The darkened sky is pure, cluttered only by an eternity of stars.

I rarely recognize significant moments when they occur. Momentous things seem to happen without the clash of cymbals or the beating of drums. Usually they occur in the most innocuous and mundane moments, and we understand the impact only when we view it from the summit of the future. But tonight, I recognize. And appreciate. And will never forget….”

-Jerusalem Study Abroad
July 31, 1997
Merry Christmas to all!

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

Jamie’s flight tonight has been canceled, which means he will not make it to Calgary until late Monday afternoon due to the utter chaos at the Denver airport. Being husband-less on Christmas sucks beyond words but almost as bad is he’s also transporting all the presents.

He was snowed in yesterday and allegedly worked from home. I called later that evening to ensure he’d survived his day but I couldn’t reach him for a few hours. And then I remembered: it was the BYU football game and he wasn’t able to watch it on our satellite because I was recording something else.

I called his father.

“Duane, get my husband on the phone.”
“Who, Jamie? Oh, he’s not here.”
“You lie about as well as Haddie when she claims she doesn’t have a poopy diaper, yet the stench runneth over. I can hear the game in the background. Get him on the phone.”

[Reluctantly hands the phone over, commiserating that their cover had been blown.]

“Jamie, I’ve been worried sick about you! What on earth are you doing leaving the house in these kinds of conditions? It’s supposed to be a snow day!!!!!!”

“Honey, don’t you know? It’s a snow day from work, not football….”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

Lest you had forgotten about me, I’m still alive. And yes, our igloos do have Internet access up here in the Great White North. DSL, even. I’ve just been caught up in a whirlwind of family and friends since we arrived and this is the first moment I’ve had to sit down and just breathe.

I know you’re all waiting for misshapen tales of my flight to Canada but (brace yourselves): it went smoothly. So smooth that I’m still in shock over its texture. The only real bump was on the descent when both kids screamed that their ears were going to explode. Oh, and when my parents were a half hour late picking us up. I still feel kinda bad about all those nasty [and anonymous] messages that were left on their answering machine.

Coming back home is always a trip (pun intended). My parents have lived in the same house for 40 years and I am flooded with an immeasurable amount of gratitude for all my wonderful memories every time I drive into our neighborhood. This visit in particular has taken me down memory lane as I’ve hooked up with two of my closest friends to hash out all the good gossip. How we now have good childhood friends who range from doctors to drug addicts. And how grateful I am for the path I have chosen to land me where I am today.

This morning, we went to my high school for a hair appointment with my niece (who is in their cosmetology program). If acknowledging that I graduated from that hellhole..errr..high school 16 years ago isn’t bad enough, even more sobering is walking in with two kids. Try it sometime if you really want to feel olllllllld.

Haddie did marvelously during her first non-mommy-hack-job haircut and Bode got some serious action from every ogling 17-year-old girl in the room. And he left his mark on every single one of them. The puke kind. He’s such the ladies man in the making.

Jamie arrives late Friday night and the rest of the crew (my brother Jade’s family) will be here Saturday. Well, weather permitting. Denver’s big blizzard disaster (see pics at our house) has even made the news up here and has earned respect among the hardcore who-cares-if-my-nose-hairs-are-frozen Canuckian crowd.

It took my dear husband three hours to drive home and it’s likely the poor thing will be snowed in tomorrow. Wait: retract feigned sympathy. He will probably curl up to the fireplace, watch the History Channel and revel about allllll the sleep he’s receiving.

All of which are definitely worth a few extra night shifts when he eventually arrives in Canada, wouldn’t you agree?….

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

The kids and I fly out to Canada today. The funniest thing happened on our way out the door. I checked my ticket and realized through blurred, sleepless eyes that we don’t fly out at 11:33 a.m. like I had anticipated. Turns out 1133 was the flight number and I had completely botched our departure time.

And so it begins….

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog