Confessions of an Insomniac

I am dreading tomorrow. Jamie goes back to work and I will be left alone with The Children. Two of them. It doesn’t sound like a lot until you have one screaming to be fed and another dialing Child Services and reporting she has been neglected. For two whole minutes. A fate no kid should have to suffer.

It doesn’t help that Bode finally woke up from his sluggish state. He thankfully still sleeps a good block of the night but during the day, he likes to cry. A lot. Rumor has it this is what babies do. However, he still does not even come close to The Hurricane’s 4-hour-long tantrums so I’m trying to keep things in perspective. But hormones + a toddler + a newborn + 100-degree temps= an extreme lack thereof.

Hunky Hubby addressed what the real issue is in his latest blog entry: I am a crappy sleeper. I have been since I graduated from college. It was my first job as The Craaaaazy Canuck snow reporter that ruined me forever. Y’see, I had to get up at 3:30 a.m. to compile all the snow conditions and was on-air by 5:30 a.m. I was so paranoid I would sleep in that I barely slept a wink. Because the world would undoubtedly come to an end if it didn’t know that Park City had a 120-inch base. To overcome my paranoia, I finally had to start sleeping with two alarm clocks, a habit I couldn’t break for years.

Having a baby when you have sleep issues is a large issue in itself. In the event that I, by some miracle, actually fall asleep in a timely manner, I am unable to fall back asleep when awoken by aforementioned baby.

My first night in the hospital after I had Bode was the worst. Not because of him (he slept most of the time) but because of my neurosis. Y’see, there was a clock on the wall. And it ticked. All night long. I think I finally smashed it around midnight but that didn’t solve my next obstacle: my vibrating bed. Every time I’d start to nod off, I’d be awoken by that stupid bed, which pulsated every couple of minutes. In my post-labor/delusional state, I’d initially envision I was at some kinky sex motel. But then I’d remember it was sex that got me in this condition in the first place and the novelty would wear off. I finally pulled the plug at 3 a.m. Of the bed. I got in trouble the next day from the nasty nurses but I didn’t care, rebel that I am.

Jamie and I decided that I would sleep in Bode’s room those first weeks. We made the mistake of bringing Haddie into our bedroom and neither of us ever slept so it only made sense that the person who doesn’t sleep anyway should do the night shift.

However, Jamie had a change of heart the other day and told me I should just sleep in our bedroom and turn the baby monitor on. I was touched by his sensitivity, with his intuitiveness about how exhausted I was sleeping in that uncomfortable bed. Until he gave his reasoning:

“After all, how are we ever going to start on baby #3?”

Suddenly, Bode’s room never looked so good.


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