Forget American Idol: Let’s Talk Osmond Idol

After reading my last post, I’ve had some requests to expound about my wild ‘n crazy days of Osmond Idol Worship. The Osmonds was the first concert I ever attended and I was in grade school at the time. I was enthralled with them, particularly Jimmy (the youngest).

While his siblings Donny and Marie hogged the spotlight, I coveted Jimmy from the shadows. My reasons for loving him were innumerable. That sweet, sweet, voice. The Mormon factor. Those infamous chubby cheeks. And most importantly, I figured there was only an 11-year-age difference so I had a chance.

Obviously, the word PEDOPHILIA was not something I ever considered.

Our love went unrealized for years. But when the Osmonds finally came into town, I knew this was my opportunity. The whole day of the concert, I primped and prepped. What would we first say as our eyes locked? How long would our courtship be? And most importantly: would I be stinkin’ rich?

I still remember our seats: about 50 rows back and to the left of the stage. Not ideal, but I had a plan.

I know, you’re all awaiting an 8-year-old’s strategy of seduction. Welp, brace yourselves for this. During the concert while everyone was singing and dancing around, I sat firmly planted in my chair, pretending I couldn’t walk. Because I just knew Jimmy would pick a little crippled girl out of the thousands in the audience, we would get married, and have crippled children together.

Shockingly, it was a love story that never materialized. I still don’t understand what happened to this day. I just knew I should’ve held out for Ralph Macchio.

And so, fess up. Who were the Osmond Idols of your youth?

P.S. And to circumvent all those snide comments I would inevitably receive: Yes, this very plan worked years later on snagging Jamie….

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