Funeral plans are underway

I had planned to ditch the pumpkin talk and divulge my experiences with Salem’s witches. Don’t worry–that post will come. It’s just we are in crisis mode Chez Canuck. Forget the bailout, forget politics.


We have been storing The Great Pumpkin in the garage in an attempt to preserve it and planned to put it on display mid-October. Jamie would lovingly stroke it as he walked by and even played fun games like London Bridges.

But then things really did start to fall down as The Great Pumpkin started leaking on Tuesday. Big, orange gobs of greasy, grimy pumpkin guts. And once the leaking starts, so does the rotting.

That night, we resolved to put it on display before it met its demise. Have you ever tried to roll a 755-pound pumpkin? I hope to never do it again. Small children were almost caught in the crossfire and my back will never be the same.

It now has a new home on our driveway and has become our neighborhood’s most popular attraction. And that sign? I spent spent $30 of my Jamie’s hard-earned money to surprise him with it.

Because I am just that nice.

I like to sit hidden on the porch and watch passersby slow down to gawk. I am, however, having an adverse reaction to the whole thing. If someone drives by and does not stop to admire it, I get offended. Much the same as I felt when people would not gush over my cute babies.

Only now I am doing it for an orange monstrosity that I did not even give birth to.

And the saddest thing is Jamie’s obsession is actually making sense.

Actually, that is not the saddest thing. The saddest thing is The Great Pumpkin will not survive until Halloween and there will not be any pumpkin boat races. Nor will there be The Great Pumpkin stand. I admittedly planned to bake 5,000 loaves of pumpkin bread and have little Haddie sell them for me.

Because I am not above 1) capitalizing upon The Great Pumpkin and 2) exploiting my cute child in the process.

Though I cannot imagine the backlash if people had driven by and ignored both her and The Great Pumpkin.

So, here’s my question: how do we dispose of The Great Pumpkin when The End is Near? A great chainsaw massacre? BB gun? Axe? Great Pumpkin Smashing? And if we planned a party around its birth, do we do the same for its death?

Other Posts