Utah Mom Blog & Mommy Blogger | Life Elevated Mom

Mommy Blogger Does Canada

October 3, 2007 by Amber

I love Calgary.

It has been 17 years since I was here during fall. The crisp temperatures, the explosive foliage, the crystalline skies, the wilderness areas that run through the heart of the city – all are a compendium of what make this my favorite city in the world.

Since arriving last week, we have gone for daily walks with Grandpa and the dogs, hidden in the leaves, had cookouts in the backyard firepit, visited with dear friends and pulled all-nighters with Bode. Because this does constitute a trip and do we not always get sick?

Oh, and made hundreds of pumpkin, cheesecake and lemon tarts. Because this is the unfortunate existence of being the offspring of a former restaurateur: they do not trust catering to anyone else.

Does the fact that I am 35 still constitute child slavery?

I bake, I clean but I do not craft. Or whatever verbiage you would use for it; the end result is still torturous. After all these years, my mom is in denial that she did not give birth to Martha Jr.

“Oh Amber, I am in charge of the cutest things for the bridesmaids. Doesn’t that sound like fun to help me with?”

“Does that constitute a craft?”

“No, not a craft, just cute.”

Tricky little Canuck, isn’t she?

I was not fooled.

As for my dear hubby, he is still in Denver. He volunteered to finish painting the interior of the house and I was impressed he was so proactive.

Until before we even departed, I tripped over a certain something he had dragged into our family room in front of the TV:

Any guesses how he is spending his “week off?”

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Greetings from the Motherland!

October 1, 2007 by Amber

Yesterday, I confirmed that I really am soft on the brain: I flew to Canada with my two children. Solo.

My niece is getting married next week and my husband Jamie could not take the time off work to attend. To be honest, I thought nothing of going it alone. Our recent trip to Mexico was seamless. So seamless I even received the following email from Kathy, a lovely woman we met:

What a pleasure it was to sit in front of your family on the plane…and I don’t say that to many mothers. I am not normally so chatty, believe it or not. Especially not to people with little kids. Even though I had my own, I am kind of over it unless the kids are exceptional like yours.

Exceptional? Too bad Kath was not privy to our latest flight experience.

It went badly from the start and the kids were only partly to blame. It took 15 minutes to retrieve Bode’s carseat that a firefighter had practically dead-bolted to our backseat. Next, I had to bribe a porter to haul all my crap, which he unceremoniously dumped a football field away. And then the snippy United Airlines staff member harassed me about failing to go through self-checkout. You know: with my two young children and five pieces of luggage.

Though it may seem to the contrary, I had actually consolidated most everything into one large suitcase and when I say everything, I mean it: diapers, clothes, make-up, the kitchen sink. I also carefully packed two carry-ons: one with bribery food (i.e. sugar), the other with silencing entertainment (i.e. duct tape for mouths).

Then there was security. Do not even get me started with that 75-minute ordeal as the children who were manhandled like mini-Taliban. By the time we finally broke out of there, we were supposed to be boarding. And our gate was B82. If that sounds like it is in the boonies, allow me to confirm this for you.

After a veritable sprint, we were the final people to board. And we were greeted by the greatest bombshell of all:

“This is a small plane. You will have to leave that [pointing to my silencing entertainment] and we will stow it with the luggage down below.”

I looked at her dubiously. “Do you really want me to board this plane without any form of diversion for these children?”

The woman personally escorted me on the plane with the contraband carry-on.

The flight was stressful and long. When we arrived in Calgary, we were informed that two pieces of luggage had not arrived: a carseat and The Mother of All Suitcases.

I practically collapsed at that point and made the avowal then and there that I would never ever again in a million gazillion years attempt to fly alone with my children.

At least not until my return flight next week.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

TGIF!

September 28, 2007 by Amber

Thank Goodness It’s Friday! What will you be doing this weekend?

Read on

Filed Under: Uncategorized

And so it is confirmed

September 27, 2007 by Amber

I spent my morning at the allergist yesterday. These people were considerably more accommodating than my previous day’s experience and I did not cry. Not even when they pricked me with a gazillion needles.

“Now, it will only itch if you are allergic,” the nurse told me.

Within moments, I was like a flea-infested dog as my entire back had a reaction.

The results?

Cats and dogs: Mild

Trees: Some

Grass: Some more

Weeds: All

Yes, my friends. I tested positive for EVERY FREAKIN’ WEED. Do you think per chance the lot behind our house may have something to do with it?

And so if I ever want to breathe again, it would seem that twice-weekly allergy shots are in my future.

Or a guillotine.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Breakdown, shakedown, takedown

September 25, 2007 by Amber

I am not a crier.

Of course there is nothing wrong with being in touch with your emotions. And I cry during appropriate life moments: funerals, Oprah, diarrhea diapers and spilled milk. I am just not prone to public outbursts.

Usually.

I finally broke down last week (literally) and went to the doctor with the intent to get a referral for an allergist. My catalyst was Haddie. She was sent home early from preschool with pink eye. Well, early being a relative term because by the time I received the message, there were only 10 minutes left of class. I blame that unreachable hubby of mine. Is it not his responsibility to pick up the slack when I am out serving the better good errr…hiking.

I figured I would kill two birds with one stone and made an appointment with my general practitioner. Now, let me preface this by disclosing I am in my second month of mind-numbing allergies. I haven’t slept in weeks and am on my third sinus infection. Simple stated: My Name is Amber and I am a Wreck.

I arrived early to fill out Haddie’s paperwork and was told upfront by the snippy front desk that they had only booked one of us for an appointment. And the doctor would only see both of us if he had time.

Enter: Nurse Betty. When she came to take Haddie’s vitals, she rudely informed me he would only see Haddie, even though the error was on their part for screwing up the booking. The prospect of living with this misery even one more day was almost more than I could handle. An argument ensued. There was blood. And not the kind triggered by a needle.

When the doctor arrived, I was a snotty, bloody mess. Before he could even open his mouth, I blabbered on about the whole confrontation. If that was not bad enough, next came the very lowest of lows: The Big, Ugly Cry. In front of a man.

Of course, I was horrified but the more I thought of it, the more I spewed big, ugly tears. The same tears that baby Haddie cried when she first watched that demonic purple dinosaur and he started singing, “I love you, you love me” – marking the end of his evil reign.

The doctor consoled me, all the while undoubtedly wondering just how soon I could be admitted into the psych ward. Before long, the office manager came in. You know: that person who only appears to deal with those patients. And then the perkiest, funniest Physician’s Assistant imaginable. It was evident they were bending over backwards to appease me. And so I did what any humiliated, snot-infested woman would do:

I took advantage of them.

Well, more like their medications. In addition to walking outta there with a referral for an allergist, I also casually mentioned a cough that I may-or-may not have at this juncture but what I will likely have at the conclusion of my latest sinus infection. Jamie claims I am a cough-syrup addict but anyone who has ever had bronchitis or a serious cough knows that nothing except for the good stuff even comes close to knocking you out. That stuff only the doctor can prescribe.

Or a Physician’s Assistant trying to appease an irate, sleep-deprived, snot-infested woman.

I’ll take it.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Dumb and Dumber: Mile-High Style

September 24, 2007 by Amber

There are some mornings when I wakeup and feel indomitable. Coincidentally, these are the same mornings I received minimal sleep. The result is a veritable delusion of grandeur.

I had a summer of these. Hey, why not ~~climb~~ ~~limp~~ crawl up Colorado’s highest peak? Or better yet, let’s bike 24 miles in the mountains hauling the kids. Gee, that sounds like fun!

Last week was no different.

I decided to bike the Clear Creek Trail along Highway 58 from the I-70 junction to Lion’s Park in Golden. Hauling the kids. Uphill. Both ways.

Now, let’s see. Child #1: 35 pounds + Child #2: 23 pounds + 15-pound Chariot carrier + everything including the kitchen sink to keep the kids entertained = a tabulation I care not to compute. Why would I? I lived every stinkin’ pound of it.

I will spare you the gory details but in the end, we miraculously made it. Well, at least the kids did.

I’m sure my remains are still somewhere along the trail….

Blasted from the Past

I should have learned my lesson. Admittedly, these same delusions led me to roller-blade that path a couple of years ago. A path that contained the same hills but with different challenges. On a bike, the climbs are arduous. On blades? Quite the opposite.

I had started out strong on my blades. Smooth, powerful strokes. I was completely alone on the trail, which I love. But then I encountered hill No. 1. No problem. My pace slowed a bit but I triumphantly summited.

Then came Hill No. 2, then No. 3. All was fine and dandy until it came time to turn around.

But then came the “Ohhhhhhhh fudge” (I blame Ralphie from The Christmas Story).

During my jubilation of conquering the trail, I hadn’t realized how truly steep my ascent was. For those who have ever been on roller-blades, stopping while careening 100 miles an hour down a hill can be problematic. For me, it proved to catastrophic. Because in addition to the steep hills, there were also signs everywhere with the squiggly arrow (the official road-sign term, I’m sure). You know, the one that says “You’re dead if you don’t follow the hairpin curves.”

The rest of the story was not pretty. What ticks me off is do you think anyone witnessed my triumphant ascent? Nooooooooo. But now bikers started coming out of the woodwork as I desperately clutched the railing, my legs wedged in a ~~snow~~ asphalt-plow.

In the end, I only suffered a few scrapes and a bruised ego. But worry not, after these two sordid experiences I have certainly learned my lesson.

Until my next episode of sleep deprivation, that is.

Filed Under: Colorado, Family travel, Humor

Dumb and Dumber: Mile High-style

September 22, 2007 by Amber

There are some mornings that I wakeup and feel indomitable. Coincidentally, these are the same mornings I received miminal sleep. The result is a veritable delusion of grandeur.

I had a summer of these. Hey, why not climb..limp crawl up Colorado’s highest peak? Or better yet, let’s bike 25 miles in the mountains hauling the kids. Gee, that sounds like fun!

Last week was no different.

I decided to bike the Clear Creek Trail along Highway 58 from the I-70 junction to Lion’s Park in Golden. Hauling the kids. Uphill. Both ways.

Now, let’s see. Child #1: 32 pounds + Child #2: 23 pounds + 15-pound Chariot carrier + everything including the kitchen sink to keep the kids entertained = a tabulation I care not to compute. Why would I? I lived every stinkin’ pound of it.

I will spare you the gory details but in the end, we miraculously made it. Well, at least the kids did.

Blasted from the Past

I should have learned my lesson from when these same delusions led me to roller-blade that path a couple of years ago. I had started out strong. Smooth, powerful strokes. I was completely alone on the trail, which I love. But then I encountered hill #1. No problem. My pace slowed a bit but I triumphantly summited.

Then came Hill #2, then #3. All was fine and dandy until it came time to turn around.

But then came the “Ohhhhhhhh fudge” (I blame Ralphie from The Christmas Story).

In the end, I only suffered a few scrapes and a bruised ego. But worry not, after these two sordid experiences I have certainly learned my lesson.

Until my next episode of sleep deprivation, that is.

Filed Under: biking, Bode, Colorado, Favorite Posts, Hadley, Humor

Spelling Bees Need Not Apply

September 20, 2007 by Amber

With the advent of winter, I have been looking for some indoor workout options. In keeping with my north-of-the-border roots (which are still loyally planted in tundra), I actually love running in the rain and snow but those two beings I gave birth to prefer not to get pelted and drenched whilst sequestered in their stroller.

Go figure.

So I requested a used elliptical for Christmas. You know, because I need somewhere else to hang my clothes that collects dust.

Jamie has been shopping around on Craigslist. He did a search and found one that had previously been listed out of our price range, but they recently knocked an extra $200 off.

“I contacted the lady via phone and email!” he announced proudly.

“Great, hopefully we hear back.”

“I don’t think she will have many inquiries on it.”

“Oh, why not?”

“She spelled eliptical [sic] wrong.”

“Really? How did you find it?”

“Because I couldn’t spell it, either.”

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Why you don’t ever want to be invited to one of my dinner parties

September 18, 2007 by Amber

I realize I exuded an inordinate amount of energy whining about my previous calling as Party Princess. This is due to a lack of support and resources, not to the actual task. In fact, I pride myself on being able to throw a good party.

Usually.

At the very last minute, Jamie and I decided to invite my in-laws over for dinner recently. After extending the invitation, we then raided the pantry to ascertain the menu, which Jamie determined would be our infamous chicken cilantro quesadillas.

Now, if any of you ever need any party-planning tips, take it from this Party Princess: you can have the venue, you have have the decorations, you can have the entertainment. But you ain’t got nothin’ if you don’t have food.

And so I called my MIL (and the following is a true account):

“Hey Linda! I was wondering if maybe you could bring a couple of cups of grated cheese. “

“Sure, no problem.”

“And since you’ll be in the fridge, some salsa would be nice, too.”

“OK, cheese and salsa. Anything else? ”

“Well, since you asked, maybe some sour cream would be perfect.”

“All right. Anything else?”

“Well, if you have any tortillas laying around, that would be helpful, too. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of dessert.”

We hang up the phone, only for me to realize I am bereft of a key ingredient in my dessert. I call her again.

“Errr… Linda?”

“Yes, I know it’s you, Amber”

“Do you think you could also bring some cream cheese?”

(Sighs) “Yes, is that is?”

“I think so. In fact, why don’t you just take care of dinner all together?…”

Filed Under: Uncategorized

“The Producers” would be so proud….

September 17, 2007 by Amber

Once upon a time when I worked as the Craaaaaaazy Canuck Ski Reporter for Utah’s radio stations, I developed an innate talent: I learned how to say, “Skiing is cool” in 100 different ways. Try putting that on your résumé.

By the same token, I need some wordsmith assistance over at Mile High Mamas today. The challenge? Don’t ask. Just conspire.

Filed Under: Uncategorized