Christmas caroling with the Cub Scouts at the retirement home was a success!
Well, if you don’t count the boy who dropped the cookies.
Or the one who almost threw up. 
Otherwise, we were The Spirit of Christmas Incarnate.
My Ugly Sweater Coming Out Party
December 17, 2014 by
For years, I have wanted to go to an Ugly Sweater Party so imagine how delighted I was when I was invited to 9News’ fete. I mean, to debut my first first ugly sweater on television is quite the coming out party!
The problem came when I tried to track down an ugly Christmas sweater at the local thrift store. The selection had been picked through so I opted for the most gaudy sweater I could find but tread very carefully. After all, one woman’s ugly sweater is another’s treasure. I bought some tacky ornaments to glue gun onto the sweater but crafts and textiles aren’t exactly my forté so I hesitatingly asked my husband if he thought I could pull it off.
“If anyone call make an ugly sweater, it’s you, Amber.”
He was joking. I think.
And yes, I find it ironic that the photographer completely cut out my ugly sweater in this photograph.
How Elves on the Shelves are Actually Messengers from God
December 16, 2014 by
Nice title, right?
I hate Elves on the Shelf as much as the next mom and I really regret ever starting the tradition. I hoped the kids would forget about them and Bode certainly did because I think they creeped him out.
How would you like to wake up to an elf staring at you all night and reporting your misdeeds to Santa?
Hadley has been unrelentlessly bugging me to bring them out so I finally caved two days ago. To show her who was really in charge, I dressed the elves up in the kids’ underwear for their first appearance. For day 2 I had them hanging out at Fat Kitty’s littler box passed out covering their noses from the stench. I don’t think Fat Kitty was too thrilled about them, either. How would you like to poop to an audience?
Oh wait, every mom of young children knows exactly what that feels like.
We all have colds and I actually think Hadley has Strep so I am taking her to the doctor shortly (because her two week-stint with pneumonia wasn’t enough). I was lying in bed last night feeling crummy when I remembered I had to move those blasted elves.
Mumbling, I dragged myself out of bed and started trudging down the stairs. As I passed Bode’s room, I heard him sobbing. I stopped in my tracks and started to go in but heard him talking. As I listened, I realized he was praying. As he poured his heart out to Heavenly Father, my heart melted.
When he was finished, I tip-toed into his room, scooped him up into my arms and asked him what was wrong. My little overachiever was agonizing over a third grade in-class writing assignment that is due today.
“My teacher was helping me on it but now I’m behind everyone in the class and don’t know if I’ll finish,” he wailed.
The mom in me wanted to blow it off and say, “Dude, you’re in third grade, lighten up a bit,” especially when I heard the paper was about how to grow giant pumpkins (the horror!) But I validated his concerns and consoled him as we talked through his options for getting it done. Comforted, he rolled over and went to sleep. Even as a toddler, Bode has been a very sensitive, spiritual kid (remember Aslan the lion when Bode was 3?)
As I walked downstairs to move those elves, I had to ask myself when was the last time I really poured my heart out to the Lord with all my soul? I’ve had quite the week on top of all the holiday chaos. We’ve had major stresses with Hadley’s teacher and school that resulted in 10 parents meeting with the principal yesterday about our concerns. Now she’s sick and missing even more school.
And my mom is back in the hospital, worse than ever. She had a code 66 (she lost consciousness,) her hemo dropped to 68 (normal is 120-140), her stomach is bleeding and they have no answers.
If there’s anytime for me to pour out my heart and soul to the Lord it is now.
And I’m so thankful to my sweet Bode for reminding me of that during this Christmas season.
Woman Giant Pumpkin Growers: They’re Not All Murderers
December 15, 2014 by
Jamie recently had his Rocky Mountain Giant Vegetable Growers Group Christmas breakfast. He looks forward to their socials and is very secretive about what happens there.
“So, how was your meeting today?”
“Good.”
“
Did anything exciting happen?”
“No.”
It’s like talking to a teenager.
He did, however come home with a nice token from the day–a gift box filled with homemade toffee and fudge.
“Who is Annmarie?”
“She’s one of the growers.”
I paused to contemplate this information. The giant pumpkin growing community is 98 percent male and some of the female growers I’ve seen on TV have been a bit on the sketchy side. Case in point: the sordid case of giant pumpkin grower Debra Sundstrom who murdered her husband and they found his body three years later moldering inside a barrel 25 paces from the back door of their old farmhouse.
You can’t make this stuff up.
“So, this Annmarie was so thoughtful that she brought holidays treats to everyone in the grower’s group? Isn’t that nice.”
Grunt.
“So, did any of the male growers bring something to share?”
“We bring seeds. And we share them. That is what we do.”
Here’s for hoping Annmarie brings a touch of class and not craziness to them all.
Snowshoeing: The curse
December 12, 2014 by
I’ve had a roller-coaster history with snowshoeing. I’m an avid hiker so what’s not to love? The problem is snowshoeing does not love me.
Years ago, I asked my parents to buy me snowshoes for Christmas and they generously obliged. What I should have realized very quickly is that not all snowshoes are created equally, which is a nice way of saying don’t waste your money on cheap snowshoes. Not only will the straps never stay on but, in my case, the snowshoes were so wide I waddled around looking like a pregnant woman about to give birth.
So, I upgraded to a better brand of snowshoes and surprised Jamie one Christmas with a pair of his own.
Bad husband disclaimer: There was no surprise because when he saw I had purchased something with our credit card, he went onto REI’s website and thoroughly searched it until he found the item–his snowshoes–that matched the amount I spent. The man redefines killjoy when it comes to surprises.
A couple of years ago, we bought the kids youth snowshoes and have yet to really use them, with the exception of my mother-daughter trip to Copper Mountain when Hadley and I did their free guided snowshoe tour at the resort and then did it again at the Frisco Nordic Center.
Looks epic? The views certainly were but the problem was we could not get one of her snowshoes to stay on her boot. Next time, I will bring chains.
What I’ve really wanted to do more than anything is a real, guided backcountry snowshoe tour run by a professional outfitter. For a few years, Sweet Life Adventures repeatedly invited me on their women’s-only adventures and last year, I was finally able to go. It was to be an overnight backcountry snowshoe hut tour and I was so excited about it that I barely slept. I would also love to learn to backcountry ski with skins and this was a step in the right direction.
Or so I thought. Just a week before the trip, the owner of Sweet Life canceled the trip and moved away.
I’m sure I had something to do with it.
Last week when we were at Crested Butte, I saw that the resort offered guided snowshoe tours to Snodgrass Mountain, one of my very favorite hikes in the world. I mean, just look at this view in the summer! Can’t you just see me frolicking in those meadows on my snowshoes?
I elatedly left a message at the customer service desk and I heard nothing.
At least not until I was home a few days later and they finally called me back to inform me the tour didn’t start until late-December.
And then there was my latest snowshoeing fail. Last summer, I had a blast with Vela Adventures’ SUP (stand-up paddleboarding) and yoga adventure and they asked if I would be interested in helping promote their snowshoe / fondue women’s day out and in exchange, I could come along.
Hell, yes.
And then the email three days before the trip:
We just received word from our guide that there is not enough snow in the Nederland area and it is supposed to be warm the latter part of the week. Unfortunately we have to postpone the outing this Saturday.
Maybe I’ll just stick with skiing.
Taming the Shrew: Revisited
December 11, 2014 by
At the bottom of each of my blog posts, it pulls in a few links for past blog posts. Most of the them I can figure out what they are just from the title but this one from June 2008 had me stumped so I clicked through. With a tittle like “Taming the Shrew,” how could I resist?
Jamie, as usual, did not disappoint.
I am on Week 2 of my battle with the plague. I started to feel better so stopped taking my antibiotics.
Because evidently I thought having a relapse and revisiting my nightmare was better than taking a tiny pill two times a day.
I still feel terribly guilty that I missed the backpacking trip, especially due to all the hard work I put into it. Leading up to the trek was a whirlwind of meetings, packing, a practice hike, shopping, food prep and more meetings. Our fellow adult leaders–Joe and Jeanett
e–are pillars of the community and were saviors for my sanity as we finalized the last-minute details. As the parents of 10 amazing children, they know organization…and kids.
Jamie was absolutely swamped at work so I did most of the preparations. We had planned to drive up to Frisco for a popular BBQ competitionthe weekend prior to the trek but determined we just wouldn’t have time to do it.
Or so I thought until Jamie approached me.
“Amber, I was thinking about heading up to Frisco for the competition.”
“Errrr, Jamie? We are doing a practice run for setting up the tents, distributing the food and helping them pack their backpacks on Saturday.”
“So?”
“SO, DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!”
“What? Why not?”
“We have so much to do! And have you noticed that Joe has been Jeanette’s right-hand man throughout this entire process and has continuously stepped in to help her while you have done NOTHING?”
“There, there, Amber. That’s because Jeanette is only half the woman you are.”
Lest you thought pumpkin season was over
December 10, 2014 by
Last week, the Pumpkin Man’s good buddy Joe came over during lunchtime. As I tried to work upstairs, I eavesdropped on them talking potassium/nitrogen levels, soil testing and giant pumpkin seed genetics.
It was like the most boring playdate ever.
I posted about it on Facebook and one of his pumpkin growing buddies interjected:
“Oh he should be talking about Purses and Shoes, as that is more exciting.”
Me: “Never in my life have I ever talked about purses or shoes or clothes.”
Him: “OK, Amber. How about scrapbooking and crafts. There has to be a subject that totally bores Jamie.”
Me: “Who talks about scrapbooking and crafts? I think you’re confusing me with a girl.”
Touché, my friends.
Crested Butte: A glimpse at my favorite place in Colorado
December 9, 2014 by
It has been almost a decade since I fell in love with Crested Butte and three years since our last visit which, considering it is my favorite Colorado mountain town, is a rather shameful confession. And with some recent changes for the 2014-15 season, my love has only grown deeper.
Surrounded on three sides by four wilderness areas—Raggeds, West Elk, Maroon Bells-Snowmass and Collegiate Peaks— if the outer-world beauty isn’t worth the drive, the deals are. Kids 12 and under ski free at Crested Butte Mountain Resort (CBMR) until December 18, 2014 and kids six and under ski free all season. Also, the Crested Butte Nordic Center is offering free rentals AND skiing for kids 17 and under all season
I’m generally not an early-season skier but since my kids’ getting-an-education-schtick is putting a serious cramp in our adventures, my family travels whenever we have vacation time and that meant Thanksgiving. And I’m so glad we did because my love affair was reignited with the best opening day conditions the resort has seen in years. That, coupled with an awesome Adventure Park, an epic Nordic skiing adventure and glorious food make Crested Butte the perfect kick-off to ski season.
The Paradise Divide
Just call me “DodgeGirl”
December 7, 2014 by
For Fun Friday at Front Range Bootcamp, we played dodgeball and were told we had to do 50 burpees if we hit someone in the face.
On my very first throw, my victim ducked and I hit her smack in the noggin.
Apparently I’m still *that* kid after all these years.
I posted the above picture of me on social media and the responses were hilarious, particularly those who thought it was actually me in action. Sorry, folks. It was more like:
My infamous onion-chopping goggles
+
=
A hubby who is very good at Photoshop.
My friend Jenny told me it was her favorite picture ever of me and that “I would not want to be on any team opposing you” to which I responded:
“You’re not the first to say that. I was a really aggressive soccer player. When we were handing out jerseys, no one wanted to be 13 ‘because it was unlucky.’ I grabbed the jersey and deemed ‘I’ll be unlucky for the other teams’ and that was my number forever after.”
And make sure to watch out for me on the dodgeball court.
“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire:” When you are the chestnut
December 4, 2014 by
Like many of you, I have a lot brewing these next weeks. On Monday at Front Range Boot Camp, my coach asked us who was stressed out.
“Not me!” I joyously replied. “I’ve got most of my shopping done and deadlines met.”
Then I went home to my post-holiday inbox. Denial can only last for so long.
A few updates:
- My parents were in town for several days for my mom’s surgery and fingers are crossed it will give her some reprieve. We had a wonderful time during their visit and I did more shopping with my mom than I’ve done in a year. Hence the reason I’m already finished shopping for Christmas. Gift-wrapping is another entirely different matter and I’ll spare you the visual of my den, which looks like a bomb went off.
- My family had an amazing time in Crested Butte for Thanksgiving. Stay tuned for details on this amazing place. And yes, I’m still obsessed with having a cabin there or in Maui. Or both. A girl can dream, right?
- Hadley’s clueless teacher and interim principal are causing me MAJOR stress and I’ve been *this* close to pulling her (I’m sure I’ll write a detailed rant about the entire frustrating situation). Oh, and the principal at Bode’s school quit this week so there are great things going down in Jeffco Schools. I’m touring a new charter school for Hadley today but I’m really hoping we don’t have to switch because I’m already losing sleep about everything.
- My dad’s birthday is Saturday and Jamie’s is on Tuesday. I’m so grateful to have two stable, awesome men in my life when I obviously am not.
- Our kids’ main Christmas present was a trampoline. My dear friends Jennie and Jared have been staying with us during some work-related drama since their move to Colorado a month ago. Now, they’re Texas-bound looking for work but before leaving, they showed up at our house “to serve” and spent the next several hours setting up that trampoline. My dad also offered to setup the trampoline but couldn’t fit it in before they drove back to Canada. Lesson learned: we need more house guests because they get stuff done.
- I’m volunteering at our local Santa House on Friday, which provides gifts for underprivileged kids in our community. I wish I could volunteer every day leading up to Christmas because it’s a wonderful reminder of how blessed we truly are. And that the chaos really is worth it.
- I’ve become 9News’ go-to expert on all-things mom and have been doing a ton of live segments lately. Next week, I’ll be talking about holiday snacks for kids. And experimenting. And doing a lot of eating.
- We invited a bunch of Hadley’s first to see the documentary “I am 11.” It almost made me wish I was 11 again…until I remembered what I looked like.
- I’ve been a very bad blogger and have barely blogged anything the last few months. Did you know I flew to Utah in October for my 20-year mission reunion to Geneva, Switzerland and had the most amazing girl’s weekend with some of my dearest friends. Oh, wait. You wouldn’t know because I haven’t written about it.
- I love that the kids have had minimal commitments in the evenings and we’ve been spending so much quality time together. Our latest obsession: I taught them the card game “Speed” and I am the undisputed champion. Bode even begged me to let him win so “Dad and Hadley will be impressed.” Sorry, Dude. I let them get ahead in many games but I am the Speed Queen.
- I’ve declined more invitations than I’m accepted over the next few weeks and I’m still overloaded. This is why we should not wait until after Thanksgiving to celebrate the holidays. Three weeks is too little time to cram everything in. DO YOU HEAR THAT, AMERICANS?!
- Next week, we’re celebrating Jamie’s birthday, have his company holiday lunch, the kids’ piano recital, Bode has Monday off, I have a Relief Society holiday dinner, our ward Christmas party, my 9News segment and much, much more.
“Much, much more” is just a nice way of saying “There’s a lot more but I’ve already forgotten what it is.”
Denial is a beautiful thing.