Just call me “DodgeGirl”

December 7, 2014 by Amber

For Fun Friday at Front Range Bootcamp, we played dodgeball and were told we had to do 50 burpees if we hit someone in the face.

On my very first throw, my victim ducked and I hit her smack in the noggin.

Apparently I’m still *that* kid after all these years.

I posted the above picture of me on social media and the responses were hilarious, particularly those who thought it was actually me in action. Sorry, folks. It was more like:

My infamous onion-chopping goggles

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A hubby who is very good at Photoshop.

My friend Jenny told me it was her favorite picture ever of me and that “I would not want to be on any team opposing you” to which I responded:

“You’re not the first to say that. I was a really aggressive soccer player. When we were handing out jerseys, no one wanted to be 13 ‘because it was unlucky.’ I grabbed the jersey and deemed ‘I’ll be unlucky for the other teams’ and that was my number forever after.”

And make sure to watch out for me on the dodgeball court.

Filed Under: Humor

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire:” When you are the chestnut

December 4, 2014 by Amber

Like many of you, I have a lot brewing these next weeks. On Monday at Front Range Boot Camp, my coach asked us who was stressed out.

“Not me!” I joyously replied. “I’ve got most of my shopping done and deadlines met.”

Then I went home to my post-holiday inbox. Denial can only last for so long.

A few updates:

My parents were in town for several days for my mom’s surgery and fingers are crossed it will give her some reprieve. We had a wonderful time during their visit and I did more shopping with my mom than I’ve done in a year. Hence the reason I’m already finished shopping for Christmas. Gift-wrapping is another entirely different matter and I’ll spare you the visual of my den, which looks like a bomb went off.
My family had an amazing time in Crested Butte for Thanksgiving. Stay tuned for details on this amazing place. And yes, I’m still obsessed with having a cabin there or in Maui. Or both. A girl can dream, right?
Hadley’s clueless teacher and interim principal are causing me MAJOR stress and I’ve been *this* close to pulling her (I’m sure I’ll write a detailed rant about the entire frustrating situation). Oh, and the principal at Bode’s school quit this week so there are great things going down in Jeffco Schools. I’m touring a new charter school for Hadley today but I’m really hoping we don’t have to switch because I’m already losing sleep about everything.
My dad’s birthday is Saturday and Jamie’s is on Tuesday. I’m so grateful to have two stable, awesome men in my life when I obviously am not.
Our kids’ main Christmas present was a trampoline. My dear friends Jennie and Jared have been staying with us during some work-related drama since their move to Colorado a month ago. Now, they’re Texas-bound looking for work but before leaving, they showed up at our house “to serve” and spent the next several hours setting up that trampoline. My dad also offered to setup the trampoline but couldn’t fit it in before they drove back to Canada. Lesson learned: we need more house guests because they get stuff done.
I’m volunteering at our local Santa House on Friday, which provides gifts for underprivileged kids in our community. I wish I could volunteer every day leading up to Christmas because it’s a wonderful reminder of how blessed we truly are. And that the chaos really is worth it.
I’ve become 9News’ go-to expert on all-things mom and have been doing a ton of live segments lately. Next week, I’ll be talking about holiday snacks for kids. And experimenting. And doing a lot of eating.
We invited a bunch of Hadley’s first to see the documentary “I am 11.” It almost made me wish I was 11 again…until I remembered what I looked like.
I’ve been a very bad blogger and have barely blogged anything the last few months. Did you know I flew to Utah in October for my 20-year mission reunion to Geneva, Switzerland and had the most amazing girl’s weekend with some of my dearest friends. Oh, wait. You wouldn’t know because I haven’t written about it.
I love that the kids have had minimal commitments in the evenings and we’ve been spending so much quality time together. Our latest obsession: I taught them the card game “Speed” and I am the undisputed champion. Bode even begged me to let him win so “Dad and Hadley will be impressed.” Sorry, Dude. I let them get ahead in many games but I am the Speed Queen.
I’ve declined more invitations than I’m accepted over the next few weeks and I’m still overloaded. This is why we should not wait until after Thanksgiving to celebrate the holidays. Three weeks is too little time to cram everything in. DO YOU HEAR THAT, AMERICANS?!
Next week, we’re celebrating Jamie’s birthday, have his company holiday lunch, the kids’ piano recital, Bode has Monday off, I have a Relief Society holiday dinner, our ward Christmas party, my 9News segment and much, much more.

“Much, much more” is just a nice way of saying “There’s a lot more but I’ve already forgotten what it is.”

Denial is a beautiful thing.

Filed Under: Humor

Oh Canada (and Boy Scouts of America)

December 3, 2014 by Amber

At church, we are given “callings” to fulfill. For the past couple of years, I’ve been the pianist in Primary (our kid’s organization), working in public affairs with community leaders and also the volleyball coach for our young women.

Those were all fine and dandy but now I have been asked to serve in a new position that I’m really excited about: as the Cub Scout Leader for the “Bear” den (9-year-old boys). Many of them are Bode’s friends and he himself will join us when he turns 9 in July. These boys are your typical silly pre-teens but they are smart. I went in there thinking about how much wisdom I had to impart upon their impressionable minds but they put me in my place during our first first Den meeting when we learned about energy. When my co-leader Sarah asked them if they could list any energy types, they shouted out kinetic, chemical, wind, gravitational potential, electrical, sound, heat or thermal energy. Oh, and you can’t forget about electromagnetic.

These are 9-year-old child geniuses.

As we were beginning our meeting, I explained to them that I am Canadian and therefore do not salute or pledge the American flag. You’d have thought I had two heads because they looked at me like I was a freak-of-nature as they recited everything.

Later, Alex pulled me aside. “Next time, I might bring a Canadian flag for you to salute.”

Smart, and thoughtful, too.

These boys are gonna be one fun, wild ride.

Filed Under: Canada, Humor, LDS

Like a Fat Cat Up a Christmas Tree

December 1, 2014 by Amber

My mom asked if we ever have problems with Fat Kitty climbing our Christmas tree.

I asked if she’d ever actually SEEN Fat Kitty.

Filed Under: Humor

How the Johnsons do gratitude

November 27, 2014 by Amber

I’ll admit it: Our house is 90 percent decorated for Christmas. The reason is, in part, that we already celebrated Thanksgiving and will be hitting the slopes today. And the other reason is the American invention “not until after Thanksgiving” drives me bonkers when the rest of the Christian world is already celebrating. Ever wonder why Christmas is so stressful? Because in the U.S., we have only three weeks to cram in parties, shopping, sales and recitals.

Plus, if I go through all the effort to decorate my house for Christmas, you’d better believe I want to keep it up for a while.

Jamie (being American) falls into his people’s mentality but greater love hath no man than he who surprises his Canadian wife by putting up the lights early.

Bonus: He did not fall off the roof and die.

We had our good friends over for Family Home Evening and I asked my friend Jennie to prepare a short lesson on Thanksmas (a cross between Thanksgiving and Christmas). She did a great job and started out the lesson by asking us what each of us is grateful for.

“I’m grateful for Fat Kitty.” -Bode

“You stole my answer! I’m grateful for Fat Kitty.” -Hadley

“I’m grateful for Amber.” -Jamie, my sweet husband, setting it up perfectly for me to reciprocate his profession of gratitude.

“I’m grateful for Fat Kitty.” -Rude Wife

“Can I change my answer?” -Jamie

Filed Under: Family, holidays, Humor

The Broadmoore at Christmas=Pure magic

November 26, 2014 by Amber

This week, we pulled out our Christmas decorations and prominently displayed a picture we took with Santa during The Broadmoor’s White Lights Ceremony two years ago.

As I was reminiscing, The Broadmoor tweeted out a picture of the kids hanging out with reindeer.
If you’re in Colorado Springs on Saturday, you must swing by where more than 250,000 strands of lights will brighten the nighttime sky as it marks the official start of The Broadmoor’s holiday season with music, a gorgeous gingerbread house and special guests including Santa.

And please bring home a piece of the magic for me.

Filed Under: Colorado, Family travel

How (not) to compliment a woman

November 25, 2014 by Amber

Sure, I enjoy occasionally getting gussied up but the majority of the time, this tomboy prefers to be low-maintenance.

Last week with my mom in town, I had a lesson in high-maintenance. Not only does she put on her make-up the moment she wakes up, she is always dressed to the nines. Despite the fact she has trouble walking, we shopped non-stop all week…until I could barely walk.

Mom gets her hair done weekly and I knew she’d feel much better if we went to the salon (my visits are, shall we say, not as regular). After my haircut, I told the stylist to blow my hair out straight for something different.

Lo, I didn’t know it would get such a reaction. As we were driving home, Mom commented, “Jamie is going to love it!”

“No, he won’t. When we were first married, he said he would never ever comment on my hair or a new cut. It’s his way of saving himself from being an unobservant husband.”

True to form, he didn’t say a word. When I called him out on it, his defense, “Oh, I noticed but remember my promise to you?”

When I picked Bode up from school, I had forgotten all about my hair. I saw him pause at the doorway before racing over to me and demanding, “Why do you look like that?”

Followed by: “Seriously, WHAT HAPPENED?”

Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut like his father.

Then, we had Hadley’s carpool friends. When I walked up to them, Hadley shouted, “WOWOWOOWOW,” followed by these comments from the peanut gallery.

“It looks so much better.” -Bryan

“Keep it like that.” -Morgan.”

“No, go back to being fuzzy.” -Hadley

Maybe I’ll just shave my hair to spare myself the drama next time.

Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, Humor

An Early Thanksgiving of Spoons, Scum and Pumpkin Dictators

November 18, 2014 by Amber

Since my parents are in town and we’re all heading different directions for Thanksgiving, we opted to do a premature Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday. I’m not a huge fan of the traditional meal but I figure I can suck it up once a year.

Plus, we added some really delicious offerings to our feast: smoked turkey and gravy, spiced cranberry and pear chutney, orange rolls, Jello-fruit salad, homemade apple and pumpkin pies, garlic mashed potatoes and my new favorite: Kelsey Nixon’s Sausage, Apple and Pear Stuffing with Cranberries.

Sorry, Jamie. Your jalapeno stuffing has been R-E-P-L-A-C-E-D.

Highlight: Dinner was, indeed served when the smoke alarm went off. No, nothing was burned but the timing was impeccable.

I blame it on all those turkey drippings.

We also introduced Jamie’s brother and sister to our Borowski family traditions of Spoons and Scum, which is notoriously competitive and borderline violine.

There were tears–like when Jamie wrestled his own son to the ground as they fought over a spoon.

There was stealing as I swooped in and triumphantly grabbed all the spoons, only to drop them back on the table as they dove in like a littler of ravenous puppies.

There were unbenevolent dictators, like when Jamie was the “King” in Scum and made the rule that anytime someone played a 6, they needed to proclaim “I love pumpkins.”

We all groaned as we collected our cards and I realized I didn’t have even one 6 in my hand.

It was like God was watching out for me that day.

Filed Under: Family, holidays, Humor, pumpkins

Living the Simple Life This Winter

November 17, 2014 by Amber

I spent my final semester of college on a study abroad in the Middle East. Our campus was on the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem and we traveled frequently around the region. We floated in the Dead Sea and slept in cabanas by the Sea of Galilee. We roamed through Petra’s ancient wonders in Jordan and we climbed Mount Sinai to witness the sunrise. We marveled at the Great Pyramids and sailed the Nile at sunset.

Upon the completion of my studies, I stopped over in Europe with a few of my friends. We backpacked five countries in two weeks and had the time of our lives. One of our final destinations was Switzerland. We stayed at a hostel in Interlaken, the country’s outdoor Mecca. After a day of rafting the mighty Lütschine, we talked late into the night with some fellow travelers.

One of them was named Ralph. He was charming, athletic and drop-dead gorgeous. He was a mail carrier from Australia who had saved up his money for a year-long adventure abroad. He was going home the next morning. Feeling remorseful about the end of my own travels, I asked him how he thought he would adjust back to his humdrum life after being given a glimpse of the world.

His answer still resonates today: CLICK TO KEEP READING

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Meet the parents: travel edition

November 14, 2014 by Amber

My parents are currently en route from Canada to stay with us for a couple of weeks. I always welcome their visits but wish it was under better circumstances. My mom has been in a lot of pain lately and is hoping a nerve block will give her some reprieve. The problem: The wait time for this procedure in Canada is 12-18 months. I called a Denver neuro clinic and they could get her in almost immediately for just $925.

Let’s call this the joys of socialized medicine. What good is affordability if you have to wait months, even years?

Of course, we’re living the flip side and by being self-employed (and with Jamie’s health history), our insurance is almost as much money as our mortgage.

We’ve had an arctic blast in Denver this week and my parents insist upon driving. OK, my mom insists on my dad driving so she can bring Christmas presents and do lots of shopping. Even with her poor health, she can out-shop me 100-1 any day.

Whenever we go on road trips, I’m borderline obsessive about departure. The house is cleaned, the car has a full tank of gas and as much is loaded as possible the night prior. I have little/no tolerance for any delays on departure morning.

Case in point: Several years ago I went camping with a friend to Southern Utah. He mentioned he had to stop for gas on the way out of town. Annoying, but I dealt with it. Two hours later, we finally pulled out because he realized he needed to have his emissions testing done as well and there was a huuuuge wait.

I don’t even remember who he was. If that wasn’t a friendship deal-breaker, it should have been.

The drive from Calgary to Denver is about 19 hours in good weather so we usually divide the trip into two days. With winter driving conditions, it will likely take my parents much longer so I assumed they’d get an early start. Not so.

“So, what time are you leaving, Dad?
“Not until after your mom has her hair appointment.”

We all have our priorities. Obviously (by looking at my unruly mane) my hair has never been one of them.

Filed Under: Family, Health