Let’s NOT Go Fly A Kite

I have frequently documented my dislike for all-things kites, particularly when it comes to flying the blasted things. Which, I hear, is kind of the point. Though I wouldn’t know because I’ve never gotten one airborne.

And yet every year when the Arvada Kite Festival rolls around I think, “Oh, let’s go see the kites! It’s a perfect spring activity!” Call it early-onset dementia.

We had a 2.5-hour window between Bode’s soccer game and a baptism so we high-tailed it over. We should have kept on driving because we drove around for ages trying to find a parking spot. Hey, Arvada Festivals Commission–let’s maybe rethink holding an event in a neighborhood with zero parking.

Knowing it’s a huge problem, they tried to shuttle people in from the community swimming pool a mile away but hey, Arvada Festivals Commission–when you say the shuttles are going to run every 10 minutes, make sure we don’t wait there for a half-hour before finally deciding to just walk out of sheer frustration. Oh, and it might help if your poor volunteer’s Walkie Talkies work.

We were ticked off by the time we got to the park almost an hour later but our spirits were elevated when we saw all the kites! We collapsed, exhausted, and watched them battle it out with the clouds. When the wind was calm, people lounged on the grass but the moment the wind picked up, it was sheer magic as all the kites fought for air space.

We grabbed some of our favorite treats from Granny’s…

Granny’s

…sat in front of the loudspeaker and when Billie Jean and Footloose came on, darnit if that Bode didn’t start break dancing for the crowd.

We should have left while the gettin’ was good.

The Arvada Kite Festival has grown over years and there was a petting zoo, vendors, food trucks, bouncy castles, hamster balls and much more. Bode wanted to go jump but then we passed the Booth of Doom: they were selling kites for $4.

“Mommy, can we pulllllease buy a kite?” Hadley begged.

Since it was a kite festival, after all, I said “yes,” forgetting that my relationship with those flying temptresses is much better at a distance.

Hadley ripped the packaging open and within moments, a gust of wind swept it away, dive-bombing a guy from a neighboring booth.

After apologizing profusely, we made our way out to the field but Hadley couldn’t get it to fly. We sought the guidance of a spectator who informed us our kite was missing the crossbar on the back. So, I headed back over to the Booth of Death, informed the nice sales guy, he tossed our kite behind him and gave us another one. Swell, right? Mere moments later, Hadley saw the wooden crossbar she had likely dropped from Kite No. 1.

“Oh no, we found it.”
“Don’t worry about it. I already trashed the other kite.” And he tossed it in the garbage.

So we took our  new kite out for another try. Almost immediately, a gust of wind swept it up, up, up, up and then down, down, down. It crashed in a marvelous belly flop, completely obliterating the back of the cheap kite. And guess what was busted? The crossbar.

Back to the Booth of Death we trudged. The man bristled when he saw me.

“Sir, do you remember that wooden crossbar we found from the kite you threw away?”
“Yes.”
“May we have that back?”

Without speaking another word, he handed it to me. I didn’t make eye contacted for fear of the daggers.

Hadley and Bode kept trying and failing. Hadley kept yelling at me I wasn’t tossing it upwards the right way, I was complaining right back to her that she wasn’t letting out the line quick enough and Bode kept getting tangled up in it all.

Our unflyable kite

You know all those nice images of how peaceful and soul-filling kite-flying is? LIES, ALL LIES.

As we were about ready to wrap things up, our line got ensnared with someone else’s and I. Was. Done. As the nice man tried to untangle it, I said, “Just cut ours off.” He protested, obviously not seeing the veins that were bulging out of my head or that we were going to be late for the baptism and still had to combat the transportation nightmares back to our car. “No, seriously,” I told him. “We need to leave so just cut our line.” He reluctantly did so and we were free!

As we dejectedly trudged back to the car, I taught the children a new word: “boycott.” And that, my friends, is exactly what we’re going to do the next time the Arvada Kite Festival rolls around.

Unless I have early-onset dementia again.

Colorado’s Return to Winter

I’m all for snow days (obviously) but last week’s return to winter was NOT welcome for two reasons.

1) I have been on the steering committee to plan a Teacher Appreciation Night where our church’s seniors recognize their favorite all-time teacher. It is a lovely, well-received event that pulls in members of the school board, local media, principals, parents and teachers. It has taken hours to pull together–between contacting all the teachers, working with the seniors, catering, awards, etc. It was scheduled for the same night as the snow storm.

2) I’m not a procrastinator but had decided to put off a deadline until that day because I figured “where else am I going to go?”

The night before the storm hit, we got The Call from the school district canceling school before even one snowflake flew. Then, came the next call from the head of our steering committee who told me we were postponing our event, canceling the catering and just doing an awards ceremony. Hours and hours of coordinating down the tubes in a matter of minutes.

I wasn’t so annoyed with the snow, but rather people’s reaction to it. This spring storm made national headlines and for what? Eight inches of snow that didn’t even stick to the roads and sidewalks?

I was in a tiff all morning about school being canceled (remember that deadline?) When my friend Lisa called to see if we’d like to get together with some friends, I was all-in. Lisa suggested we sled on a nearby hill, with which I was unfamiliar. Hadley and Bode were among the first to go down and after a few runs from the other kids, the grass was popping out. I moved them over a few feet, sent them down, joked, “watch out for the ditch!”

But do you know what happened? Underneath that nice blanket of snow was, indeed a ditch. Bode got the worst of the jolt and you’d better believe he let me have it. “I was only kidding! Like I knew there was a ditch there!” I defended myself. Add that one to my Mother of the Year awards.

I was still annoyed about school being canceled but after a chilly day at play….

The Boys

The Girls

The Moms

And then heading back to Lisa’s afterward for some hot chocolate and treats.

I decided I really didn’t care.

Part II of Soeur Catastrophe: An International Terror is Born

Please read Soeur Catastrophe Part I for all the details on how we got to Paris.

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The rest of the ride to Paris was spent in fear. We had no money, no connections and 29 pieces of luggage between us (OK, maybe only 25). Another mission rule is that companions must never separate (for safety) but I decided under the circumstances, this one would have to be broken. There was no way we could both go for help while dragging our sundry of suitcases all over Paris.

We arrived at the Gare de Lyon and disembarked. In typical “Murphy’s Law” fashion, we were at the opposite end of the platform in a very large train station. We proceeded to slowly drag our suitcases to the main terminal, upon which time I told Soeur Tate I was going to find someone who could help me make a collect call to my mission president.

Note for all the youngins: Before the age of cell phones, you had to pay for calls made on public phones. If you did not have a long-distance calling card or coins, you could call the operator to make a “collect call,” the operator would call the number for you and ask the person if they would receive and pay for the call.

Soeur Tate nodded nervously when I said I was leaving her and I told her not to talk to anyone. No problems there. She looked terrified.

And so I ventured out into Paris by Day. I stopped everyone I saw and ask them how to make a collect call. Most stared blankly back, some suggested I use a calling card (that I did not have) and the rest told me I could get help at the post office across the street.

Now, “across the street” was a relative term because it was a lot farther than merely crossing a boulevard. As I set out on my Walk About, I continued to stop anyone who dared to make eye contact for advice. No one provided it. Parisians do not have their stellar reputation for nothin’.

When I finally arrived at the post office, it was packed. Evidently, I had chosen the worst possible time to make my little side trip to Paris: it was tax day. I patiently stood in line for AGES and upon arriving at the guichet (window), the worker snidely told me she could not help me and I would have to go over to Guichet No. 3.

I. Lost. It. As in let’s-admit-this-chick-into-a-psych-ward kind of lost it. Because upon arriving at Guichet No. 3, NO ONE WAS WORKING THERE. All that remained was a poor guy in front of me in line upon I unloaded my entire sob story.

Just as I was getting to the climax, I remember hearing very distinctly in English, “Sister, how may we help you?”

I turned and stared. When what to my wondering [blood-shot] eyes should appear but two Elders (male) missionaries from the Paris Mission.

Now, another mission rule is no physical contact with members of the opposite sex. Since I was on a roll with rule-breaking, I jumped up in the air, grabbed the 20-year-old Elder by the tie and screamed, “Elder, I PRAYED YOU HERE.”

Turns out, it was their transfer day as well and they had run into Soeur Tate at the Gare of Lyon who explained to them that her travel companion was going to perform the next Paris Massacre (or rather, the first) if I was not helped.

The Elders were happy to oblige. They called their mission president who connected with ours and wired us some money to buy a return ticket. We then called our mission home. By then, they knew we were MIA because both of our assigned companions had been waiting in Lyon for hours.  I downloaded the day’s events to one of the elders in typical frenzied fashion and after about 10 minutes, I heard stifled laughter in the background.

“What is that noise?” I accused the young missionary.
“Nothing, Soeur Borowski.” Liar.
“Elder. DO YOU HAVE ME ON SPEAKER PHONE?”

The entire mission home had gathered around for Soeur Catastrophe’s latest catastrophe.

When I walked back with the elders to the train station, Soeur Tate was glowing, holding a rose and looking like she’d just stepped out of a chic Parisian magazine, juxtaposed against her Tasmanian Devil traveling companion.

“Soeur, where did you get that rose?” I asked haltingly, trying to be nice but inwardly seething.

“Oh, this French man saw me standing here, didn’t say a word and just handed me the rose. Aren’t the people here just so nice?”

It was the first (and only) time I kept my cool that day.

I had tried to convince my mission president to let us stay the night–my Missionary Training Center companion Soeur Simms was serving in Paris but we were wisely counseled to get on the next train and back to our mission boundaries.

When we finally returned really late that night, we were met by our companions and two elders. Yesterday, Soeur Tate sent me this photo. In case you hadn’t figured it out, Elder Wright was a fellow Canuck.

And then there’s Soeur Tate still holding that rose. And me with my fake smile.

No comment on that one, either.

Soeur Catastrophe: A European Catastrophe Part I

recently made some connections with some former missionary friends on Facebook and it took me waaaaaaaay back.

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The year was 1993 and my nickname was Soeur Catastrophe (pronounced Sir Cat-as-trof), which, loosely translated means “Sister Catastrophe.”

Some things never change, right?

I was 21 years old and serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Geneva, Switzerland. The mission boundaries took in all of French-speaking Switzerland and Eastern France. For six days a week, we taught the gospel and served at various local charities while P-days were spent hiking in the Alps. It was the most defining 18 months of my life as I looked outside of myself to figure out who I was on the inside.

We had a mission president who presided over us. He would place missionaries together who would serve in “companionships” in a specified region that we were required to stay in. Every few months, we would either get transferred to a new area or have a new companion come to us.

I had been in the mission field for about six months when I received a transfer from Geneva to a little town in France called Chalon-sur-Saone. I met up with another missionary, Soeur Tate (with whom I recently connected on Facebook) and we would travel to France together to meet up with our respective companions.

Sound easy? This is me we’re talking about.

Soeur Tate was what we call “a bleu”–she was new to the mission so it made perfect sense for her to travel with a more seasoned and capable missionary such as myself.

Stop. Laughing. Now.

Soeur Tate and I had cleared Customs and were waiting on the platform to board our train to Lyons, France. I struck up a conversation with a bunch of traveling Canucks and before we knew it, our train pulled up. I glanced at the sign, confirmed it was going to Lyon and Soeur Tate and I hopped on.

The first things I noticed that seemed out of place were pertaining to the train itself. 1) It left a bit early, which never happened in Switzerland 2) It was a much nicer train than the regional ones we were used to and 3) It went fast. Really fast.

We settled into some seats. A few minutes into our journey, the train made a stop. Some people boarded and kicked us out of our seats.

Problem #4) There were not usually reserved seats.

I wasn’t worried. I was a Swiss Miss and knew this whole international travel thing like the back of my hand. We simply relocated but within minutes, were booted again. Unsure of what to do, we went back to the luggage area and situated ourselves on some little pull-out seats. Undaunted, I pulled out some headphones to listen to a sappy tape from my then-boyfriend. There were a number of announcements made over the loudspeaker but I ignored them (note: potential spoiler).

We soared across the French countryside for over an hour when the train conductor came around to check tickets. I nonchalantly handed him mine. He closely examined it, turned it over and then menacingly sneered at me.

“This train is going directly to Paris,” he said in French.

I stopped. Paris was not Lyons. In fact, Paris was on the other side of the country, far outside of my mission boundaries. We must have erroneously boarded a TGV (France’s high-speed train). And worst of all: We did not have train tickets to Paris.

I weakly asked, “Quoi?”

He repeated himself, this time emphasizing the gravity of the situation with the kind of ill-humor that has made the French famous.

Faintly, I repeated, “Quoi?”

He must have decided I was a stupid American because he then resorted to shouting it in broken English: “DIS TRAIN, GO DIRECTLY A PARIS!!!!”

At this point, innocent Soeur Tate started tugging on my sleeve, “Soeur, did he just say we’re going to PARIS?”

As I said, she was new to the whole French thing.

We quickly learned that the name of the “Gare” (train station) in Paris is called the “Gare de Lyon.” Hence the sign I had seen at a moment’s glance. Monsieur Conductor was not sympathetic and pointed out that there had been several announcements about the train going directly to Paris. You know, the ones I ignored.

It got worse when he made us pay the difference we owed for the train ticket on the spot. We emptied out every last penny French franc we had.

And there we were. We were in a foreign country. We had no cell phone. No cash. No credit cards. No connections. And we were on the fast track to PARIS!!!

Be sure to read Part II of Soeur Catastrophe: An International Terror is Born where you will learn about just how close I came to murdering the French population.

Is Fat Kitty a Beached Whale in Disguise?

Really, don’t we all have days we feel like this?

On his tombstone: “He died of starvation”

 

Utah: How I Love Thee (Mostly) and our Park City Family Vacation

My complicated relationship with Utah was reconfirmed during our latest visit for spring break. I wouldn’t go are far as to say it’s a love-hate dynamic but I always struggle between “I want to move back here” and “I’m so glad I got out of here,” the former attributed to the mountains and family and the later, to cultural idiosyncrasies.

But what could be better than hanging out reading books with Grandma in her beautiful, new finished basement?
Not to mention dying eggs and a fun Easter egg hunt with our darling cousins?And sneaking off to do this memorable hike on the Bonneville Shoreline Trail behind Red Butte Gardens wasn’t too bad, either.
Our spring break was about two things: Skiing at Park City Mountain Resort and family. Fortunately, we were able to combine them both by staying at Silver Star, a gorgeous three-bedroom town home at the base. The gift basket is courtesy of Resorts West. The Cheese Balls, thanks to us.
We like to keep it classy.

For four days, we hot tubbed, watched The Hobbit, grilled burgers, ate and hung out.

Ski School

That was just the indoor fun. The kids did ski school for a few days and Bode rocked his “Superstar” class.

Attempting Mary Katherine Gallagher’s “Superstar” pose

And Hadley graduated to an intermediate-advanced class. Her instructor told us she used to train the U.S. Ski Team, gave us her card and said that she “could work with her.”
Some parents would sell their soul if their kid had an iota of Olympic potential. We’re underachievers who said “that’s nice” and went back to eating our Cheese Balls.

Jamie had a stellar time on the mountain, with the exception of the day I got really ill from an allergy-induced sinus infection.

I, of course, have to get sick on every vacation.

Tubing for a Bruising

Then, there was Gorgoza Park. On our final night in Park City, Jamie’s sister and her family joined us for some fun at this adventure park outside of Park City. Our kiddos tore up the mini snowmobiles.Our 3-year-old twinnies are darling and sweet but oh-so fearful. They’re under 42-inches tall so had to tube the Lower Lanes, which is a good thing because they were sufficiently traumatized. For the first run, Ada went down with her dad without a problem while Berkley was HAVING NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. Jamie’s sister Tammy soothed her fears and even Ada’s pep talk about “being brave” didn’t help. After several motivational speeches, they eventually went down with Berkley screaming the whole way.

Then came the final attempt. The staffer at the top complimented Tammy saying “Most parents just throw their kids in the tube but you handled that just right by talking it out with her.” But this time, it was Ada who decided to freak out and refuse to go down the hill. After trying to calm her down, they all loaded up and had the staffer push them down the hill with Ada screaming the whole way.

“You mean, the parents do it like this?” Tammy joked to him.

I always knew I liked her.

For Fear Factor, Edition 2 we dragged Jamie’s mom up and down The Big Hill.

She initially wasn’t very happy but unlike Ada and Berkley, Adventure Grandma didn’t cry even once.

Family Ski Day

There are few things that bring me more joy than skiing with my little family and though we hope to keep them in ski school as long as possible, I love when we can ski together. A tradition at many resorts is to throw bead necklaces in the trees as you’re passing them on the chair lift. We purchased eight necklaces from the Dollar Store prior to our trip and were so excited to try it.

The problem: Bode lost two of them before we even left the condo. We also hadn’t calculated the exact moment we would need to toss them, taking into account the velocity of the chair lift, the angle of the trees and our sheer incompetence.

Translation: We failed at physics and I think only two actually made it into the trees.

There were many, many other adventures including skiing down the Adventure Alleys designed for kids, doing the jumps at the terrain park, the alpine coaster and Flying Eagle zipline.And then my very favorite moment of the entire trip: summiting the top of the McConkey Lift. Perched at the top of the ski resort, only intermediate and advanced skiers can access it and this was our first as a family.

Bode squealed, “I’m the king of the world” as he gazed out upon the endless sea of mountains. Then as he peered over the edge as he skied and he confessed, “I’m kinda freaking out” but went on to ski it like a champ.

His wasn’t the only breakdown. The day before, Jamie had taken me down double-black expert terrain at Jupiter Bowl when I was still recovering from the plague. There are no pictures of his indiscretion, which is probably a good thing because the less evidence, the better.

Hopefully, Ada, Berkley, Bode , Grandma and I will have forgotten those freakout moments by the time we return to have the time of our lives at Park City Mountain Resort next year.

The wizarding world of siblings

Not to discount parents who have only one child but I firmly believe some of life’s most important relationships are learned through sibling relationships–the good and the bad. As I watch my kids play, struggle, fight, make-up, sacrifice and love I can’t help but be grateful they have each other, even if they don’t always appreciate it.

When we are traveling and adventuring, they get along marvelously 95 percent of the time. They have to–all they have is each other. When they’re home, it’s an entirely different manner. It’s about territory, competition and stuff. Hadley is entering the tween years where so many things her little brother does annoy her (I remember them well). It doesn’t help that he is thriving in areas in which she is struggling, augmenting an already complicated dynamic. Sometimes she can be downright mean.

A couple of weeks ago my friend Jenn, even though she had a house full of kids, graciously offered to watch H and B while Jamie and I went to the temple. The next morning, Jenn told me Hadley threw a fit about Bode joining in a game, stormed off, vented, got over it and later joined in. I was U-P-S-E-T and her attitude had gone too far. Jamie and I met with her to discuss the consequences for her actions and gave her a chance “to make it up” to Jenn and Bode.

That afternoon, I canceled her playdate with a friend so she could make Jenn an apology card and some Easter cookies. I then asked her to think of three day’s worth of thoughtful things she could secretly do for her brother. She decided to start by cleaning his room.

Next, Hadley carried the cookies over to Jenn, rehearsing her apology. I was proud of her–She was willingly being accountable for her actions. As she walked up to the front step, she turned and WHOOOOOSH, the cookies went flying off the plate. She looked at me, ready to cry. I looked at her. “Let’s go home,” I announced. She was deflated and I jokingly reminded her of a story we had recently read in the children’s Friend, “Three Milk Shakes for Malachi.” She started to perk up. “Hopefully it won’t take me that many times!”

This time, she loaded up our personal stash of cookies, took them over, rang the doorbell and Jenn answered. Only she wasn’t alone. Jenn is the Bishops’ wive and our kindly Bishop joined her as well. Hadley faltered a bit before sputtering out her apology. They graciously thanked her and she raced away, beaming.

She tried really hard the rest of the day to be nice to him (no small feat for her). That evening as we were getting ready for bed, Bode entered his room for the first time.

“Wow, look at how clean it is!”

“Did you do it, Mommy?”

“No.”

“Did Daddy do it?”

“No, Hadley did it.”

“Was it Fat Kitty?

“It was your sister!”

“Or maybe it was a wizard?”

Something tells me this sibling dynamic will be a long, hard road.

Life lessons from growing the Great Pumpkin

In Jamie’s words on his Facebook page:

“My wife finally wrote an article in the Denver Post about something important.”

Don’t say I’m not supportive of The Crazy.

Click to read the article

Bode’s first guest post: Disney World!

Bode was interviewed on the news at New Fantasyland

It has been a few months since we surprised the kids with our trip to Disney World. And the farther out it gets, the more I realize just how much I loved that place.

I had visited Disneyland a few times but what I relished about its Floridian counterpart (and was unprepared for) was its international flair. The Animal Kingdom’s Asian and African sections. Epcot’s Parade of Nations. Though they weren’t real, they were the next best thing in my book.

Last week, I was thrilled to finally be invited to one of the most sought-after tickets in the blogosphere: to the Disney Social Media Moms Conference at Disney World. This invitation-only event is in big demand. Not even kidding–women were practically crying and lamenting when they weren’t invited.  Disney makes it affordable to bring your family and I was ready for Round 2.

Until I looked at the date in May: It was the same time as Hadley’s three-day class adventure to a farm, an overnight field trip I am helping plan and chaperone. Bummer. Fingers are crossed I’m on Disney’s shortlist for an invitation next year.

As I was mourning about missing out, my sweet Bode brought home a three-page essay he wrote about his “most fun day ever” and (shocker), it was about Disney World. He got a perfect score on his paper for using lots of descriptive words. The kid is in first grade and I think he has a future in the business. So here it is!

This was the most fun day of my life! It was dark and early. One morning, my tan mom tried to wake me up but I was still sleeping in my blue, comfortable bed. Finally, I got out of my blue bed. Then, we went to the white airport. We went through the white security.

After I went through the white security, I went through a dark tunnel. To get through the dark tunnel, I went on the light train. There were different stops. I got off at Stop B. Right after I got off the white train, I went to find the white airplane. I waited for HOURS and HOURS. I was bored but I was EXCITED!

While I was waiting, I guessed where I was going. My sister Hadley got it right–we were going to the magical Disney World!

Finally, I got on the white airplane. I was on the white airplane for three hours. I was in the puffy, white clouds. The white airplane landed with a thud! I unloaded my green airplane suitcase. I followed the grey Mickey Mouse footprints. I waited in a very long line.

Finally, I was in the front of the very long line. Then, the magical shuttle arrived! After I got off the magical shuttle, I checked in. The place I was staying at was Radiator Springs in Cars Land. I went to get popcorn and a soda. Then, I went on some awesome rides.

As I said, this was the most fun day of my life.

Another first: that he called me “tan.” Thanks, Little Dude. It truly is a Magical Kingdom.

How to get your kids to appreciate you

Ingratitude. It’s the age-old battle all parents wage with their kids. But I have found the solution for instilling gratitude:

Leave them for a week.

I recently spent a week in Canada for some family matters. I arrived home to jubilant children who pelted me with their stuffed animals and doused me with hugs and kisses. Their excitement was augmented when I brought them their very favorite food in the entire world: Tim Hortons Timbits (thanks to Dad for enduring a 4 a.m. doughnut run before my early flight).

But with time, the children started whispering.

“Do you see that pile of dishes? It got to be this high!”

“I have no clean underwear. Have you seen all the dirty clothes in my laundry basket?”

And the worst one of all:

“THERE HAVE BEEN NO HOMEMADE COOKIES IN THE COOKIE JAR!”

Though I left a fridge and freezer full of healthy food, McDonald’s and pizza became the staples (though you didn’t see the kids tattling about that).

I won’t mention when I called 40 minutes after bedtime on a school night and they were waging a mixed-martial arts competition after watching Here Comes the Boom. In the background, I could hear Bode saying, “Daddy said we could have three cookies!”

Sounds like he coped just fine with his store-bought Oreos.

This is not a knock on Jamie…far from it. The dude was a single dad for a week while he juggled a demanding work schedule, Bishopric, homework, poor health and shuttling the kids to their various activities while making sure they were fed. I couldn’t have gone  home if my wonderful husband hadn’t generously stepped up.

But it was a wake-up for all of them that clean clothes don’t just magically appear, delicious, homemade food doesn’t make itself, and darn it, those dishes don’t wash themselves. Maybe that lady we call Mom does more around here than nag us to keep a schedule, do our chores and to make our beds.

Though apparently they got a bye on all those things last week.

They don’t know how really good they had it.