Day of the Mothers

May 28, 2018 By

Mother’s Day: It was the best of times and the worst of times but there was certainly a lot of awesomeness that included:

Bode and Hadley gave me new scriptures (which, to be honest, kind of makes me sad because I’ll need to start over with my well-worn scriptures and markings but they are literally falling apart).

Hadley painted me a beautiful picture.

Bode and Jamie built me a garden box.

The boys made me breakfast in bed, a longstanding tradition and Jamie gave me a hair massage (MY FAVORITE).

We went for a lovely walk in Wasatch Mountain State Park, fed the ducks, got attacked by them and marveled at the blossoms. What a perfect morning!

During Relief Society, the men prepared a lovely spread of food, after which we drove to Salt Lake City for a family dinner at Aunt Tammy’s. Though I miss my own family–especially on holidays–I’m so grateful to have Jamie’s nearby.

This is the last week ever of having two middle schoolers. My aunt made a comment how much Bode looks so much more grown-up these days and it’s so true. He has thankfully avoided the drama of middle school and has a great group of friends. Though he is as sweet as ever to me at home, he definitely plays it cool outside.

He is wrapping up his final year of playing the flute and potentially wants to try the sax last year. He was fine with me attending his band concert–because that is what parents do–but when he brought home a field trip release for a performance on the Heber Valley Railroad, he was pretty emphatic I not attend.

that is a tough pill to swallow for the overzealous mom who planned all the activities and field trips but apparently in middle school, that is no longer cool. When he saw me wallowing in self-pity the morning of his field trip, he consoled me, “I don’t think there will be any parents on the train but if there are, I’ll pay you $5,” to which I retorted, “I don’t want your money, I just want your guilt.”

Happy Mother’s Day, folks.

 

Filed Under: Bode, Humor

Happy 14th Birthday, Hadley

May 25, 2018 By

Oooogie,

Happy day, you’re 14 and the happiest of all is we have [hopefully] left unlucky #13 and the dreaded middle school behind us. Your high school future is bright and through the clouds, we have caught glimpses of just how bright you can shine!

No doubt you have wading through some difficult waters this year. You got a phone, had it taken away, and had some tough diagnoses (not to mention fracturing your shoulder last summer on the Aqua X Zone, followed by your snowboarding accident in January) and thousands of dollars in medical bills. But guess what: you’re still standing…albeit with a few less limbs like your dad but you’re still here.

There were also a lot of highlights. You flew out to meet us in Colorado last summer where you had a glorious time at your favorite place on earth: The Broadmoor. You competed in your final Kids Adventure Games and sadly, announced your retirement this year (though I have no doubt you will find other adventurous outlets). You came to life during two wonderful trips to California–to the Central Coast and then to San Diego– and again in St. George, the Coral Pink Sand Dunes and Zion National Park.

You rocked the surfboard at the lakehouse in Canada and I fully expect you’ll continue to hone your craft on the water while you leave your dear ‘ol mom in your dust. Speaking of which, I am leaps and bounds slower than you on the hiking trail thanks to my knee injury. Last summer, we took what started out as a casual stroll and made the mistake of putting you in charge…and you dragged us up a peak with a 2,000-foot elevation gain. As I was limping down, I commented, “Hiking and skiing are my favorite activities to do all together,” which caused you to scoff. “Together? You were like a mile behind me.”

You received your patriarchal blessing, a powerful, spiritual reminder of who you are who you can become. You have so many wonderful gifts and promises in your future and if we ever doubt any of them, let us be reminded of the very powerful (and accurate) observation in that blessing: “You have a mind of your own and don’t like to be told what to do.” Can we all say a resounding “AMEN?”

Your interest in photography has grown and one of your birthday presents is a new lens. You have always loved the outdoors but now you have a new reason to explore.Before we moved here, you used to lock yourself in your room for hours, drawing, painting, creating and dreaming. I was so happy when you reluctantly took art again this year. Your teacher submitted some of your creations to an art show and you took first place in your class and another drawing took first place in the whole school. You didn’t tell us about any of it (I had to find out from a friend) and this is when I throw my hands up in frustration because 13 is the worst age ever for recognizing your God-given talents and just how incredible you really are.

Some things to look forward to this summer: Canada and the lake! Trek! Young Women Girl’s Camp with ME as your leader!  EFY! Sailing camp! BYU volleyball camp! Yellowstone!

You had a doozy of a club volleyball season thanks to your medical challenges. You went from learning a new position (setter), to fighting through pain, getting benched, discouragement, being forgotten, and finally clawing your way to the starting lineup. It has been heart-wrenching to see you struggle but you have been my lesson to not measure success from academic and athletic accolades and that greatness comes in many forms.

A few weeks ago, we went camping in Goblin Valley State Park. There were some precipitous cliffs you explored the night we arrived. You almost made it to the top but you fell just short (while cautious Bode had given up long ago). The next morning before leaving, you asked if you could give it one more shot. You arrived at the road (or cliff)block from before, reattempted it a few times and failed…but did not give up. Instead, you looked for another way around it. I held my breath as you disappeared for a moment behind a rock and I almost started to panic…until I saw you pop up the other side and triumphantly climb to the top. You owned your fear that day.

Goblin Valley summit

“If we stopped being so afraid of pain we would find our power. If we stopped being so afraid of pain, we would become the parents our kids need. It’s not our job–nor our right–to protect them from pain. It’s our job to point them directly toward their struggle and say: ‘See that? That was made for you. Your joy is straight through your story. I see your fear and it’s big. But I can also also see your courage–and it’s bigger. You can do hard things.’” -Glennon Doyle

You are worthy and worth it. Don’t ever forget you are meant to climb, conquer and soar.

Love, Mom
The Woman on the Ground

P.S. For a stroll down memory lane, read letters for your 13th birthday, 12th, 11th, 10th, 9th,  8th, 7th, 6th, 5th, 4th, 3rd, 2nd and your birth story.

Morro Rock

Magical Morro Bay

Midway Tree Lighting

Coral Pink Sand Dunes

Zion National Park

St. George Slot Canyon

Art show winner

La Jolla, CA

Goblin Valley

sdfaf

Filed Under: birthday, Hadley

Valley of the Goblins

May 14, 2018 By

Though we are knee-deep in our 43 tons of rock with the goal to get the backyard grass seeded by early June, we booked an overnight camping trip at Goblin Valley State Park several months ago and despite what seemed like imperfect timing, it actually could not have been more perfect.

We’re limping across the eighth grade finish line (just two weeks to go!) We had just had one of our roughest weeks with Hadley (parents who whine about how difficult parenting their honor-roll teen who can be moody and disrespectful make me scoff; we’re deep in the trenches here with real struggles). But if there’s anything that brings me hope is pulling her out of her environment and into where she thrives–the outdoors! We were only able to book a one-night stay but that turned out to the be perfect amount. We woke up early on Saturday, drove a few hours south, had a full day of adventure, camped out, and made it back in time for 1 p.m. church.

San Rafael Swell Whenever I spend time in Southern Utah, I’m bombarded with memories of my many years as a Utah-based travel writer. What wonderful adventures I had backpacking and camping with Kristy, John, Dave, Ray, Telford, Karleen, Joseph and Jed. My photojournalist friend John traveled with me more than anyone. We had many moments together but none more memorable than getting stuck in Ding and Dang canyon; another story for another day.

The desert drive is desolate (despite Hadley’s “gazelle” sighting) until the San Rafael Reef appears in the horizon.  Early settlers used the word “reef” as a comparison to oceanic reefs and the difficulties of traversing through the 2,000-square miles of arches, deep canyons and rock towers.

Our family headed to Little Wild Horse Canyon, a gorgeous slot canyon in San Rafael Swell that is part of a larger loop back through Bell Canyon.  Little Wild Horse is the perfect introductory slot canyon that allowed us a few hours of adventure. Scaling the walls. Forging through water. Climbing boulders. Snaking through tight spaces. The weather was perfect and our souls were filled with exuberance to be exploring something so epic. I loved seeing my tween and tween become like little kids again!  We had planned to also explore nearby Crack Canyon but we emerged from Little Wild Horse around 3:30 p.m. so figured we would go check into our campsite and chill a while. The campground’s backdrop was massive gothic cathedrals, which Bode, Hadley and Jamie delighted in exploring while I rested my knee. We started a campfire (Jamie and his lighter fluid scare me), grilled up burgers, roasted potatoes and had delicious watermelon.

Goblin Valley

Before dusk, we drove to the main portion of Goblin Valley State Park. The crowds of the day had petered out so we were practically all alone in the maze of twisted, stunted “goblin” hoodoos.  The park is divided into “First, Second and Third Valleys” and the best way to explore is to have no plan at all. Jamie won Dad of the year by playing hide-and-seek with the kids  in the ultimate outdoor playground. I conjured up their imaginations as we saw shapes and forms in every hoodoo: goblins, Jaba, mushrooms, Fat Kitty, clouds, spaceships and whales.  I was initially sad I didn’t take a video of Jamie scaring Hadley in tag but this progression is downright hilarious: We ventured over to the Third Valley and gazed in awe at the cathedral buttresses’ commanding presence. As we hiked back near the Observation Point, we perched on an overlook as the ebbing sun set the valley on fire.  Jamie answered Bode’s questions about great places and events in history. Back at the campsite, we roasted s’mores, read from the Book of Abraham about the stars, how we have always existed as “intelligences” before we were spirits and the eternal nature of our souls.  Then, I went on to sleep horribly all night. I love everything about camping except for restrictive sleeping bags and pads (despite Jamie’s best efforts to buy the latest and greatest) and noisy neighbors. When the sun rose the next morning, I noticed Bode cuddled up near me with HIS SLEEPING PAD ON TOP OF HIM. We all need to be like Bode. We packed up early while Bode and Hadley set out on one last adventure. They had fallen just short of summitting the buttress behind our camp. Cautious Bode gave up after a while but Hadley emerged triumphant! Which is how we all felt after a much-needed weekend of adventure, laughter and healing.

Filed Under: Family travel, travel, Utah

A few life lessons from the trenches

May 11, 2018 By

Social media isn’t all bad, right? Here are a few gems I have come across on my social media feed that I love so much I want to document them. The first, from a popular writer; the other two from friends who are in the trenches and slowly digging their way out.  Life lessons for us all!

On Forging Through Trials 

If we stopped being so afraid of pain, we would find our power.

If we stopped being so afraid of pain, we would become the parents our kids need. It’s not our job — nor our right — to protect our kids from pain. It’s our job to point them directly toward their struggle and say: “See that? That was made for you. Your journey is straight through your story. I see your fear, and it’s big. But I also see your courage – and it’s bigger. You can do hard things.” -Glennon Doyle

On Parenting Teenagers

A few observations in parenting a teen/young adult that have helped me so far (many thanks to our coaches, teachers, and good advice from friends too):

* Love them regardless of their behavior towards you or others (shield with extra prayer when necessary). Forgive quickly. As you love, respect will naturally follow- don’t demand respect.

* Help them feel loved, valued, and worthy of love at a core level whenever you engage with them. Even if it’s in your silent prayers or by thinking “you are loved, valued, and worthy of love” when you think of them or are with them. Touch them whenever possible in a positive way- hug, back rub, kiss on the cheek, etc.

* If they don’t want to talk to you, serve them- clean their room, write them kind notes, make them their favorite food, give them a massage, take them to lunch etc. eventually they will and when they do, listen without judgment.

* Take time to notice what they are doing well and compliment them in front of others and even give thanks during family prayer.

* Establish expectations for family property (house, cars, etc) and how they are to be used and what behaviors are not allowed while using these things. If they don’t follow the rules they lose privilege to have access to the item, etc. until they agree to follow and try again.

* Recognize that if you try to control or force choices you will most always lose and the relationship (and trust) will suffer. Invite and suggest when appropriate, however, if they choose to do something different respect their choice and let them own their decision. “To take away someone’s agency is a moral crime.” The whole point of this life is to learn. Learning comes from experience.

* Invite your teen’s friends over often and meet their parents. Be clear about expectations when needed.

* Support their hobbies and passions 110%

* Every teen needs mentors outside the home to reinforce positive behaviors and encourage. Proactively seek mentors you admire for your teen. Be a mentor to other teens when asked if possible.

* Seek out parenting coaches, counselors, retreats, conferences etc if you need more support and ideas.

* Continue to have a social life of your own and keep dating your spouse.

* Once a child is 18 your main goal is to help them become independent- you may want to help them with career or education, but ultimately it needs to be their decision how that looks like for them. Be clear in what you will contribute or not and any expectations for rewards to be received (such as I’ll cover housing and food if you maintain 3.0 in college…or if you live at home and work, you will pay rent…)

* Enjoy them, learn from them and with them. 

-Kelly Anderson

On Finding Your Everyday Miracles

Do you ever feel like life is so hard, and no matter how hard you work, you can’t quite get “there”. I’ve been feeling this way the past few days, hardcore. It seems like I work my tail off, then some new thing happens, I move down a life level and begin working my tail off even harder.

This morning I was feeling it, and I posted about it a bit earlier. I decided to stop at McDonald’s for an Egg McMuffin as a little Friday morning break and to avoid the crush of cars driving to campus for women’s conference.

I pulled into the drive-thru and placed my order. Pulling up to the first window I smiled at the same lady who takes my card when I hit this McDonald’s about twice per month for a breakfast grab. She’s older and has clearly lived a pretty hard life. I don’t think we would agree on much, politics, religion, lifestyle-wise. Without saying “hello” or “your total is” she took my card and looked at me and said, “I repotted my lilac tree.” I paused, because what an odd thing to say. I love gardening, but she doesn’t know that. I love lilacs, but she doesn’t know that. And why is this the conversation opener for buying my breakfast sandwich? So I smiled and said, “Oh?” and she said, “It looked like it was dying, it wasn’t happy. But this morning I woke up and the blooms were opening.”

It basically hit me between the eyes that this was the answer to my heartfelt prayer this morning. I may be experiencing a “re-planting” in my life, and right now things may look droopy and like they will never bloom again, but the blooming will come.

I had to hold back a tear or two, and told her “Thank you for sharing that with me.” She shrugged and turned to go back to the register so I drove forward. By the time I was at the second window I was a teary mess. The lady in that window didn’t share any words of wisdom, just handed me my bag with a puzzled look on her face.

Heavenly Father loves us. He answers our prayers and he re-pots us so we will bloom. And sometimes the moments that he reaches us are so odd and unexpected and I’m so grateful to this woman, one of his daughters who is also pushing through her struggles in life, for sharing her story about the almost dead lilac tree. I’m not sure she will ever comprehend that she was a conduit for the spirit to communicate with me in that moment. May she be equally blessed in her life. May all her re-potted lilacs bloom. And I wish that for all of you. -Lisa

Filed Under: LDS

The real winners

May 7, 2018 By

I played team sports my whole life but I am most grateful for the individual sports/activities I did like skiing, running and hiking.  Team sports have a limited shelf life but instilling an activity you can do until your old and gray? Priceless.

One of the great things about living in a small community is the cost of recreational sports are very affordable. Bode is wrapping a fun rec soccer season and it’s the perfect fit for him. Low cost, low stress, show up, play for a month twice a year, and be the superstar (none of these things would happen in competitive soccer).

Both of the kids will be doing a lot of challenging hikes this summer so I encouraged them both to run track to get in shape. I told them I didn’t care if they did the track meets but Bode wanted to do the first mini-meet that was held at our local high school. His chosen events? 100m, 200m and the long jump.

Here’s what you need to know about Bode: he isn’t fast. He has these short Borowski legs that just aren’t equipped for top speeds but he doesn’t really care. He had a 5K a few weeks ago for a school fundraiser and when I asked him if he should start training, he replied, “No need. I can already run a 9.5-minute mile.”

Impressive.

All teasing aside, I actually really admire him. He’s fearless with trying new things and he doesn’t really care if he’s not the best; he’s just in it for the experience. I was always driven to win and if I wasn’t the best, I didn’t want to do it. All or nothing. Field hockey, basketball and baseball–I am regretfully talking about you. It is only as I’ve aged and have been unable to perform at high levels that I’ve realized the value of being part of something, even if you’re not No. 1.

Bode gets that.

Several of his friends are doing track with him and they all performed about the same level, which made for some good parental bonding. Our text conversations:

Me: “Last is the new first! Eli came in last place in his 100m heat and Bode and Henry tied for last in theirs.”

Jenn: “Ha, Yes! I’m so glad they’re all in this together.”

Sarah: “LOL, way to go boys!

Ben: “Ellis just broke the trend with a second-to-last finish.”

Here’s to the losers who are actually winners because they’re not afraid to play the game.

Filed Under: Bode, Humor