Part I: On the Road to the Loony Bin

Some of you may not be aware but Hadley is the worst picture taker ever. This is not an exaggeration. The only reason you occasionally see quasi-cute pictures on this blog is because 1) I have a digital camera and take a oodles shots in hopes I can get just one keeper and 2) I bribe, threaten and beg her to “Please, just smile once for Mommy or I will personally remove Dora the Explorer from this earth.” Gotta strike ‘em where it hurts.

Jamie has always been completely against getting professional pictures taken. So my act of rebellion during his business trip was to drag the kids into Kiddie Kandids and submit myself to a nervous breakdown.

We went early before the store opened and there was already a line. As I waited, Bode chose that small window of eternity to do his irregular poop. You know: the one that has been backed up for a week and is like Mount St. Helen’s every time he erupts (the next explosion will surely be during our plane ride to Canada on Monday). Good thing the pictures were full-frontals; there’s something kinda unappealing about a lovely brown stain all the way up his back.

The actual photo session was frustrating because we couldn’t get the kids positioned correctly and our inept photographer wanted The Hurricane to hold Bode. Because she obviously doesn’t value his life as much as I do.

“You mean to tell me out of your gazillion studios across the country that you don’t have anything to prop him up?”
“Not for the ones who can’t sit up yet,” she said accusingly.

Because it’s obviously lazy Bode’s fault he’s still a baby and can’t do it on his own yet.

It went downhill from there as The Hurricane defied our efforts to lure anything but scowls, escape attempts and canned smiles. Bode, on the other hand, did marvelously. Problem was the person beside him in the picture. As we reviewed the photos at the end, I weighed my options.

“Can we just crop her out?”
“You want to cut your daughter out of the picture?”
“Don’t you think she deserves it? He was at least making an effort to smile.”

The photographer analyzed me, trying to figure out if I was just kidding. I mostly wasn’t.

In the end, we ended up choosing the only halfway decent one of Hadley but unfortunately one of the few where he wasn’t smiling. I later regretted this decision and wish I had chosen one of his many cute ones with her canned smile.

Just to truly memorialize the occasion, of course.

In Part II of On the Road to the Loony Bin, I will detail the flight I take by myself with two kids up to Canada tomorrow. Just be glad you’re not on Flight 666. Oh, and pray for those other passengers….

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