The Keyless Wonder

As I sit here tonight pondering the great profundities of marriage, I marvel at Jamie’s sordid relationship with keys. If he’s not ruining them in the wash (long story over that one), he’s borrowing mine and losing them (a recent development). I have been reduced to using my spare key. No cool key ring. No collection of umpteen keys for which I no longer know their use. I feel lost without all of them. What if I finally figured out what half those keys are for?

I should have seen the early signs. It began on our honeymoon in Costa Rica. We were staying at Tabacon, a gorgeous area with active volcanoes. We stayed in a charming hamlet with our own private patio and yard where we could watch the volcano erupt. That first night, I was experiencing eruptions of a different sort–the kind that Montezuma’s revenge brings. The perfect addition to any honeymoon.

Jamie was on the back porch when I dragged my sorry body from the bed to join this once-in-a-lifetime view. The air outside was dripping with humidity while the air conditioning inside was cranked to icebox temperatures. For this reason, I closed the door behind me. We enjoyed the view for a few minutes until I decided I’d had enough. I went to let myself in…and realized the door had automatically locked behind me.

Because I was sick and in my PJs, my gallant new husband volunteered to crawl over the bushes, traverse the sharp volcanic rock pathway in bare feet and get a spare key from the lobby. His journey took him more than a half hour. When he finally made it back, I heard him run the keycard and walk through the door. He then proceeded to put the keycard down on the television, walk over to the deck, and ask what he missed, just as he closed the door behind him. From there, everything was in slow motion as I leapt for the door, with a resounding “Don’t shut the doooooor” and then “SLAM!”

We sat there, shocked. Then laughter erupted louder than the volcano. Jamie waited for a while before making his journey back again. The guy at the front desk gave him a strange look but said nothing.

The beginning of the end?…

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