What NOT to jokingly say after you are sent home from the hospital

Yes, we’ve been at the hospital for the past several hours. And yep, I’ve been having crazy, painful contractions. But they were the non-progressive kind. You know: Not Liberal.

The hospital staff refused to induce me because they were “short-staffed.” And so here I am at home, left to suffer in “comfort.” I guess when there are only eight nurses hanging out doing NOTHING this counts as short-staffed.

Anyway, back to Hunky Hubby’s latest version of “what not to say.” Upon returning home, we called his mom to check on Haddie. She asked about how far apart and how intense my contractions were registering on their baby monitor (you know, the aforementioned painful ones) .

Hunky Hubby: “Let me put it this way, Mom. I’ve had gas that has registered bigger contractions.”

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