When’s MY Vacation?

I will not be able to post pictures of Lucas and Hadley until Sue forwards some to me. The reason for this is because he was crying in every single picture I took during their three-day visit. This is not an exaggeration. In the bathtub. At the park. In our backyard after the meltdown that The Neighborhood heard alllllll about when we made him share Haddie’s car. There was lots ‘o crying. I have photographic evidence to prove it.

Don’t get me wrong: he has transformed from an ugly-man newborn into a cute toddler. But he has this unsettling habit of screeching at the top of his lungs. To his defense, he was off his schedule (according to Sue). But that didn’t stop her from going on the offense whenever he’d start freaking out with the most blood-curdling scream you’ve ever heard. Her tactic? Much to my amusement, she’d spray him in the face with a little water bottle, which always seemed to temporarily work. For about one-hundredth of a millisecond.

I don’t really blame the kid because he definitely had his sweet moments…I just look at his beloved mother. Part of our history has been of me dragging her up mountains and down ski-slopes as I endure a barrage of threats and complaints. Yesterday was no different. Due to my delicate condition, I merely took her for a walk around a beautiful park. A walk. And yet still the barrage of complaints came: “He’s too heavy to push.” [Oh really? He's only 1 lb heavier than Hadley.] “My shoes hurt.” “My stroller is too short for my legs.” I finally intervened and observed that a 6-month pregnant Beluga Whale was creaming her slimmed-down behind. “Yeah, well, you do this more than I.” What? Walk? I finally started fake coughing and not-so subtly inserted the word “Blog” in there. “Nooooo, you can’t blog about this,” she pleaded. Why not? She was one of my favorite exploits during my travel-writing daze.

There were good times during her visit, too. Like when Haddie and Lucas were throwing fits at the same time. Or when they’d beat each other up as they fought over her toys. Or the blessed, blessed times-outs. Or when Haddie woke up about five times every night because she dropped her @#$#@$ pacifier. I have consequently begun prepping her that, like Daddy, her beloved Binky will be going on a “trip” this week. Only Binky’s extended vacation will be very, very different. Don’t think sandy beaches but rather compost and trash. Of course I hope to have her convinced that Binky is out sipping Pina Coladas with walks in the rain by week’s end.

To Be Continued in the Lucas/Sue Series: The Revenge of the Sewing Machine, Jesus’ Bathroom Habits and What Hadley Really Thinks of Sue Revealed

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