It’s the end of the world as we know it

September 30, 2014 By

As far as husbands go, Jamie is really easy-going and most of his demands have to do with his stomach. Being fed at 6 p.m. Having a steady supply of ice cream in the house.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned his ice cream addiction before but I’m not exaggerating when I say that he is obsessed and has to have it every night before bed.

Can someone put me on that diet plan to stay lean and svelte like him? #MetabolismFail

Before we started Whole 30, I did The Unmentionable: I ran out of ice cream. Two very long days later, I finally went to the store, only to find this in the ice cream section:
I sent Jamie a picture, entitling the email “your worst nightmare.”

His response: “It’s the apocalypse! Stock up with everything they’ve got!”

If you need any ice cream, you’ll know where to find it.

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

Whole 30 and a Twinkie Overload

September 29, 2014 By

My dearly beloved works his butt off and has been dealing with chronic pain for years–so much that he barely sleeps but rarely complains. He’s been on a cocktail of meds that, in my opinion, only put a band-aid on the problem and are more reactive, not preventive when he has his debilitating rheumatism flareups. I really would love to connect with a doctor who specializes in not only traditional medicine but also alternative who is (brace yourselves for this) not a quack and is actually covered by Kaiser.

Does such a thing even exist? Ridiculous that I can’t find anyone like that in Colorado.

He’s been living in such misery and after he missed out on several weeks of commitments, I decided to take matters into my own hands. At Front Range Boot Camp, we frequently have month-long health challenges so I signed up to do the Whole 30 and somehow convinced Jamie to do it with me. Though we lead a fairly healthy lifestyle–both with food and activity–there are definitely a lot of things we should cut out. For me, it’s baking treats. For Jamie, it’s a pop addiction and nightly ice cream. Of course, he doesn’t need to lose weight but I’m a firm believer that food not only nourishes but it heals so I’ve been researching anti-inflammatory foods (and would love any of your advice!)

We’re a couple of weeks into the challenge and I’ve found Whole 30 ridiculously restrictive and have instead adopted a more Paleo approach, which seems to be helping by cutting out processed foods, dairy, carbs and sweets. There’s no way we’d survive this eating regimen permanently but it’s been good to clean up our eating habits and I’m crossing my fingers it helps him feel better.

Though he’s convinced there’s nothing more miserable than not having ice cream every night before bedtime.

Before we started the challenge, we had a ward BBQ and devoured the burgers and treats with a vengeance. There were a variety of fun activities, like this “blue bounce.”


Well, at least it was fun until they convinced Jamie and me to try it with our friends Kendra and Dave. Let’s just say we don’t bounce quite like we used to.

I was playing in the field when someone shouted to me, “Amber, you’ve gotta come over and see this. NOW.”

I raced back to the pavilion and there I saw my husband surrounded by cheering people. This is not uncommon because he is the highly celebrated Pumpkin Man! But the reason for the fanfare? My beloved husband had entered the Twinkie-eating contest.

If there’s anything to cure you of sweets forever, this is it (just see the disgusting ingredients)

It’s not something he’d normally do but my gosh, if he was going to be denied sweets for a month, he was going out in a blaze of glory. He started the strongest of the competitors but slowed down by his fourth Twinkie (the three plates of food he had prior may have had something to do with it). Someone handed him a water, which he said helped because “the Twinkies felt like concrete in my mouth.” Ewwwwww.

He ended up downing seven of them in three minutes and I didn’t know whether to be disgusted or proud.

Maybe I was a little bit of both.

 

Filed Under: Health, LDS

The great lengths I go to when avoiding yoga

September 25, 2014 By

I’ve been vocal about my disdain for yoga. It’s not that I don’t see the physical and mental benefits of doing it (I actually think it would help Jamie’s back problems tremendously). It’s just T-E-D-I-O-U-S.

Of course, there are a few exceptions where yoga is tolerable. 1) It is in a beautiful mountain setting after a day of stand-up paddleboarding or 2) On the beach in Coronado, CA.

I know I said a few but I can’t think of a third example.

At the last minute, I decided to go to bootcamp at 6:30 a.m. When I arrived, the lights were off and I almost turned around thinking it was canceled. Then, I peered in, heard Enya music wafting, saw women doing the warrior pose and I raced outta there faster than you can say Namaste.

That’s Sanskrit for extreme distaste for yoga.

It was going to be 90 degrees so working out in town was not an option. I headed to the hills but last week, I hit the wall with hiking.  I desperately crave variety and I’ve subsequently explored pretty much every trail on the Front Range within 30 minutes from Denver countless times. But then I remembered a trail I’ve wanted to explore for over a year at Pence Park, which is the terminus to Bear Creek, one of my favorite network of trails.

So, here’s my hike summary:

Went to bootcamp and forgot it was yoga.

Walked out.

Hiked new trail.

It looked like this.

Where’s the trail?

It eventually ran out at an elderly man’s property.

He waved.

I called back to him for directions.

He was hard of hearing.

He gave me directions.

They were wrong.

After wandering on backcountry gravel road, he drove to find me.

Told me a different route and he’d take me there.

Hesitatingly got in the car.

Were old, deaf men with heart conditions axe murders?

Did not die.

Hiked on fake trail that was last maintained when this man was in his 20s.

Eventually looped back.

Discovered fall paradise.

Saw biker on the other side of the road.

Realized the real trail I should have taken was over there.

Drove over to old man’s house to thank him.

He did not answer the door so left a note.

As I was leaving, he spotted me from his window.

I shouted “thank you!”

He couldn’t hear me so responded, “talk to my wife!”

She came to the window so I repeated my message.

“I can’t hear you!”

She was deaf, too.

But at least I wasn’t one of the ungrateful 9 lepers.

Drove home.

Walked in the door.

Called to Jamie, “I got in the car with a strange man.”

Like usual, he didn’t flinch.

All 100% better than yoga.

====

Addendum: One week later, I finally hiked the real Pence Park so I have now done the entirety of the 8-mile Bear Creek Trail.

It was worth it.

Filed Under: Colorado, hiking, Humor, outdoors

Rise of the Giant (Pumpkins)

September 24, 2014 By

Giant pumpkin boat races

Over the last 24 hours, five people have sent me links to a new documentary that is coming out about raging lunatics giant pumpkin growers. So, to put a kibosh on any additional emails about it, YES I KNOW “RISE OF THE GIANTS” IS COMING OUT!

Unfortunately we don’t live in Utah to see it but I have no doubt we’ll have the opportunity.

If you’re not in the know (and don’t have friends bombarding you with the trailer), “Rise of the Giants” follows the growth of the largest pumpkin in the world, which weighed 2,032 pounds, the Utah Giant Pumpkin Growing club, and even inmates who are growing at the Spanish Fork jail.

According to the website:

“Rise of the Giants” delves into a unique hobby that attracts salts-of-the-earth committed to making people smile.  Every year growers around the country raise Atlantic Giant pumpkins that can grow over to 50 pounds a day (that is not a typo) – so big that once the contest is over, growers hollow them out and hold a boat race at Sugar House Park, which is captured in the film.


Normally this is our favorite week of the year with our blow-out pumpkin party and and big weigh-off. But alas, after Jamie’s pumpkins’ death we’re in a state of mourning.

Maybe this year’s theme should be “Demise of the Giants.”

Filed Under: pumpkins

Kenosha Pass: Colorado’s best place for fall colors?

September 23, 2014 By

Shortly after we moved into our house 10 years ago, our neighbors Lisa and Mike had just returned from mountain biking Kenosha Pass a.k.a. what they deemed “the most beautiful place in Colorado to see fall colors.”

It has taken us a decade but on Sunday, we finally made it!

Kenosha Pass wasn’t an easy victory. Church had just ended at noon, Jamie wanted to watch the Broncos vs. Seahawks showdown at 2:30 p.m., the kids begged to chill out for a couple of hours and the sky was threatening.

I knew Jamie wanted to go least of all but to his credit, he knew how much it meant to me so he rounded up the troops for the hour-long drive on U.S. Route 285.

When we got out of the car, Bode was emotionless, Jamie was counting down the minutes to the game and Hadley whined she was cold. “Let’s just stay for a little bit and then leave,” she suggested to Jamie.

Until we really arrived at Kenosha Pass. (I just wish my iPhone pictures did it justice).

Located atop a large granite batholith that forms the spine of the Front Range along the eastern side of South Park, Kenosha Pass is a part of the Colorado Trail. Colorado’s premier long-distance trail extends 500+ miles from Denver to Durango (read my adventures where the trail starts in Waterton Canyon) and this particular portion of the route is a cut of autumn heaven with swaths of endless aspen groves that look like golden pipe cleaners and staggering views of the Rocky Mountains and South Park valley.

Within moments, the kids were racing, climbing, exploring and laughing. I was initially disappointed by the brooding sky but Jamie observed, “If anything, the contrast illuminates the color of the trees and they look neon.”

He would know. He wore a jacket that made him an instant winner in our Camouflage game.

Accidental shot of a butt scratch

This South Park valley shot atop the boulder was much better

In typical Hadley fashion, she was ignited the moment she started exploring, begging us to go to the summit.

Jamie: “Do you realize that whenever you don’t want to do something and we make you do it anyway that you end up loving it?”

Hadley (sheepishly): “Yes.”

We still didn’t let her climb to the top.

This was one of my favorite photos I took as we were wandering back to the car. This shot of Kenosha Pass should be an album cover. The title would be “they whined about going and we couldn’t drag them away.”

 

Filed Under: Bode, Colorado, Family travel, Hadley, hiking, Humor, Jamie, travel

It’s #BackToSki Week!

September 22, 2014 By

Dog sledding Breck!

Sure, I’m posting about fall this week but I’m dreaming about winter!

My friend Mara from Mother of All Trips asked me to participate in her Back to Ski Week at Pit Stops for Kids.  All this week, we’ll be sharing tips on packing and planning your family’s ski vacation, information about preseason deals, and chances to win great prizes.

She asked me to share my reasons why skiing Breckenridge is a perfect family vacation. Be sure to read about our awesome trip last winter–everything from dog sledding to skiing to shopping.

To learn more, like Back to Ski on Facebook, follow on Twitter, or visit www.backtoski.com and sign up for the email newsletter.

Oh, and don’t forget to#Backtoski – because it can’t snow soon enough!

Filed Under: Colorado, Family travel, travel

Colorado’s breath of fresh air at Alderfer/Three Sisters

September 20, 2014 By

Today was like a breath of fresh air. After our month-long road-trip to Canada in July, I needed a break from traveling and we have become relative homebodies as we’ve fallen into our back-to-school routine with Bode’s soccer, Hadley’s volleyball, me coaching another volleyball team, church activities and poor Jamie working all the time.

Even though we had a busy morning with games, the fall weather was 70-degree perfection and I bribed the kids that they could skip chores if they came to play with me in the mountains that afternoon.

This is also known as being a bigger kid than your kids.

So, while Jamie watched the BYU football game and worked, we headed to the hills. One of our favorite areas to explore is Alderfer/Three Sisters Park in Evergreen, Colo., which is a gorgeous 30-minute drive from our house. Fall colors are beginning to emerge and my gosh if our explorations didn’t make the three of us exuberantly happy. I don’t think we realized how much we needed that adventure until we started doing it.

Though we enjoy hiking the extensive network of trails, what we love most at Alderfer/Three Sisters is bouldering on the steep granite quartz blocks that are piled all around the park.  I’d be lying if it doesn’t make me a bit nervous for safety reasons but today, we achieved summit firsts on various formations and had a blast!! Hadley, as always, was our mountain goat while Bode was initially cautiously adventurous, weighing various drops as “Hmmm, it seems a bit risky.”

And me? I rested from climbing at one point and was just content to watch the kids explore. Until, that is, Hadley accused me of “needing to be more like J.D.’s Grandma.”

Now, normally when someone accuses you of being a grandma, they’re insulting you but she was goading me on to become like J.D.’s hardcore grandma who was a butt-kicker as we climbed the Great Sand Dunes National Parks’ highest peak.

I wanna be just like her in my 70s.

Hadley’s fuzzy picture of one of many mountain bluebirds

We discovered hidden pools in the rocks.  Bode bravely role-played he was on American Ninja Warrior’s Mount Midoriyama as he leaped over crevasses. Hadley squealed at the influx of mountain bluebirds on their namesake trail. We acted out Y-M-C-A as our shadows projected onto our craggy movie screen. The afternoon sky burned blue and gold leaves whispered in the wind as we climbed our granite islands amidst a sea of Ponderosa pine and meadows.

After a couple of hours, Hadley was just getting warmed up and could have explored all day but I tempted them with ice cream and she took the bait for the second time that day (no chores and ice cream?)

Evergreen was bustling with activity and prior to getting our ice cream, we opted to stop into Seasonally Yours Evergreen Taffy Co. and Fresh Fudge for the first time. We spent an hour exploring this colorful, funky and fun shop that had everything from toys to novelty items to candy to the most gorgeous decorations.

After Hadley and Bode devoured birthday cake fudge and pumpkin ice cream, we raced down the serpentine Bear Creek Canyon with windows down, music blasting and the kids’ feet out the window.

Dare I say it was the perfect afternoon?

As we drove into Denver, we passed one of the few places we have yet to explore in Green Mountain. Hadley queried, “Mom, why haven’t we hiked there?”

My heart sang a little more because of her love for the outdoors. It doesn’t matter where I am in the world, if I see a trail all I want to do is climb it.

And today we achieved some incredible summits.

 

Filed Under: Bode, Colorado, Family travel, Hadley, hiking, Humor, outdoors Tagged With: ,

On raising the class flirt

September 17, 2014 By

Last spring during Hadley’s class camping trip to the Sand Dunes, I learned a little somethin’: Hadley is that girl who likes to tease the boys.

I was never that girl. In fact if there was a boy I liked, I was so nervous around them that I’d usually resort to corporal punishment. As you can imagine, that made me realllly popular with the boys.

It’s no wonder I didn’t get married until my 30s.

But much to our mortification, Hadley has that teasing and flirting thing down in fifth grade.

The other day, I saw her swipe J.D.’s (the cutest boy in class) backpack and dump it on a pile of manure.

Her defense? “He did it to my skirt!”

Then, her new teacher actually had to issue a ban on her putting grasshoppers down the boys’ shirts. We had a good talking to about appropriate behavior and I thought we had gotten through to her.

But then came the kicker the other day. “Hadley was pinching my butt today,” tattled a boy in our carpool.

I couldn’t believe it but later that night, we had another chat.

“Is it true you’re pinching boys’ butts?”

“You told me to stop putting grasshoppers down people’s shirts. But you didn’t tell me to stop pinching their butts.”

Her teenage years might just do me in.

Filed Under: Hadley, Humor

When your daughter conspires with the enemy

September 15, 2014 By

I went through two horrendously awkward years. The unfortunate thing about it was I had no idea just how goofy I looked. In fact, I thought I was Queen Bee and gosh darn it if I wasn’t at the top of my class in academics and sports in fifth and sixth grade.

It’s just my appearance that was severely lacking.

Frizzy hair? Check.

Geek glasses? Check.

Tacky ’80s clothes? Check.

I have justifiably burned most pictures from those years but my brothers have held onto a few gems for blackmail purposes (my brother Jade posted the above picture on Facebook a couple of years ago).

During my courtship with Jamie, I lived in Salt Lake City while he was in Denver.  When we got engaged, Jade dug into his secret stash and sent one of said Horrendous Pictures to Jamie. And being the horrid person that he is, he enlarged one of them, attached a “Welcome Home” sign and taped it to the front door the first time I ever came to his condo.

Jamie claims he could hear my blood-gurgling scream from the hallway.

When I was in Calgary over the summer, I went through some old boxes containing church manuals and magazines. I was thrilled when I discovered this treasure that was given to my mom by her beloved mother.

I love the inscription; Grandma always had such beautiful handwriting.

“Dear Chris, I hope you enjoy the book for your family home evening lessons. Love, Mother.”

My family loves snuggling up and reading the scriptures every night so I asked my mom if I can could carry on this tradition. What I love about this book is it is beautifully illustrated but also contains real scriptural passages (versus being summarized/paraphrased). I think it’s so important for kids to learn to understand scriptural language vs. just the stories because there is power and a strong spirit behind it.

So, what does this have to do with Hadley? As we were settling down to read the scriptures, I discovered something inserted into the book lo-and-behold, it was my seventh grade class picture. I was at the tail end of the geek years–I’d chopped my hair and the following year I got contact lenses so I was almost quasi-cool.

I won’t mention the trauma of how my mom liked my asymmetrical cut so much she got the identical style.

Hadley squealed, grabbed the picture and said, “I MUST DO SOMETHING WITH THIS!”

Even my sweet Bode turned against me. “Did you really look like that?”

I only wish I was dressed up for Halloween, Dude.

All was forgotten until I returned to my bedroom and discovered Hadley’s creation.

Now I’m just waiting for Fat Kitty to turn against me.

Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, Humor, Jamie

The Death of a Giant Pumpkin

September 12, 2014 By

My life has been such a whirlwind. Returning from a month in Canada. Family in town. Starting school the next week. Getting sick. Crazy schedules. Seriously, last night we had the kids’ piano lessons, Hadley had Activity Days, Bode had Scouts, she had a volleyball game and a school disco dance that night while I had an event at the church.

How do families of more than two kids juggle it all?

I realized the other day that I neglected to give an update on Jamie’s pumpkin season. Sadly stated: it’s over.

On the day Bode got baptized in August, Jamie’s grower group did their annual patch tour where they caravan around the city looking at each other’s pumpkins. It’s a highly-anticipated event but this year brought some bad news Jamie had long suspected: his pumpkins “Bo” and “Lucille” had developed yellow vine disease. Though they both had a great start, they never really took off and then stopped growing altogether.

“Bo” in happier days. A gorgeous pumpkin!

Tissue tests came back stating that the plants had low nitrogen but then yellow leaves started popping up, which means doomsday for giant pumpkin growers.

So he pulled the plants and started soil prep for 2015.  There will be no pumpkin parties, though he is buoyed up by the fact that the kids’ pumpkins (which are grown in another area of the yard) remain unscathed.  We’ll call that Jamie’s silver lining.

Just don’t mention the color yellow.

Filed Under: Jamie, pumpkins
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