How the Johnsons do gratitude

November 27, 2014 By

I’ll admit it: Our house is 90 percent decorated for Christmas. The reason is, in part, that we already celebrated Thanksgiving and will be hitting the slopes today. And the other reason is the American invention “not until after Thanksgiving” drives me bonkers when the rest of the Christian world is already celebrating. Ever wonder why Christmas is so stressful? Because in the U.S., we have only three weeks to cram in parties, shopping, sales and recitals.

Plus, if I go through all the effort to decorate my house for Christmas, you’d better believe I want to keep it up for a while.

Jamie (being American) falls into his people’s mentality but greater love hath no man than he who surprises his Canadian wife by putting up the lights early.

Bonus: He did not fall off the roof and die.

We had our good friends over for Family Home Evening and I asked my friend Jennie to prepare a short lesson on Thanksmas (a cross between Thanksgiving and Christmas). She did a great job and started out the lesson by asking us what each of us is grateful for.

“I’m grateful for Fat Kitty.” -Bode

“You stole my answer! I’m grateful for Fat Kitty.” -Hadley

“I’m grateful for Amber.” -Jamie, my sweet husband, setting it up perfectly for me to reciprocate his profession of gratitude.

“I’m grateful for Fat Kitty.” -Rude Wife

“Can I change my answer?” -Jamie

Filed Under: Family, holidays, Humor

The Broadmoore at Christmas=Pure magic

November 26, 2014 By

This week, we pulled out our Christmas decorations and prominently displayed a picture we took with Santa during The Broadmoor’s White Lights Ceremony two years ago.

As I was reminiscing, The Broadmoor tweeted out a picture of the kids hanging out with reindeer.
If you’re in Colorado Springs on Saturday, you must swing by where more than 250,000 strands of lights will brighten the nighttime sky as it marks the official start of The Broadmoor’s holiday season with music, a gorgeous gingerbread house and special guests including Santa.

And please bring home a piece of the magic for me.

Filed Under: Colorado, Family travel

How (not) to compliment a woman

November 25, 2014 By

Sure, I enjoy occasionally getting gussied up but the majority of the time, this tomboy prefers to be low-maintenance.

Last week with my mom in town, I had a lesson in high-maintenance. Not only does she put on her make-up the moment she wakes up, she is always dressed to the nines. Despite the fact she has trouble walking, we shopped non-stop all week…until I could barely walk.

Mom gets her hair done weekly and I knew she’d feel much better if we went to the salon (my visits are, shall we say, not as regular). After my haircut, I told the stylist to blow my hair out straight for something different.

Lo, I didn’t know it would get such a reaction. As we were driving home, Mom commented, “Jamie is going to love it!”

“No, he won’t. When we were first married, he said he would never ever comment on my hair or a new cut. It’s his way of saving himself from being an unobservant husband.”

True to form, he didn’t say a word. When I called him out on it, his defense, “Oh, I noticed but remember my promise to you?”

When I picked Bode up from school, I had forgotten all about my hair. I saw him pause at the doorway before racing over to me and demanding, “Why do you look like that?”

Followed by: “Seriously, WHAT HAPPENED?”

Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut like his father.

Then, we had Hadley’s carpool friends. When I walked up to them, Hadley shouted, “WOWOWOOWOW,” followed by these comments from the peanut gallery.

“It looks so much better.” -Bryan

“Keep it like that.” -Morgan.”

“No, go back to being fuzzy.” -Hadley

Maybe I’ll just shave my hair to spare myself the drama next time.

 

Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, Humor

An Early Thanksgiving of Spoons, Scum and Pumpkin Dictators

November 18, 2014 By

Since my parents are in town and we’re all heading different directions for Thanksgiving, we opted to do a premature Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday. I’m not a huge fan of the traditional meal but I figure I can suck it up once a year.

Plus, we added some really delicious offerings to our feast: smoked turkey and gravy, spiced cranberry and pear chutney, orange rolls, Jello-fruit salad, homemade apple and pumpkin pies, garlic mashed potatoes and my new favorite: Kelsey Nixon’s Sausage, Apple and Pear Stuffing with Cranberries.

Sorry, Jamie. Your jalapeno stuffing has been R-E-P-L-A-C-E-D.

Highlight: Dinner was, indeed served when the smoke alarm went off. No, nothing was burned but the timing was impeccable.

I blame it on all those turkey drippings.

We also introduced Jamie’s brother and sister to our Borowski family traditions of Spoons and Scum, which is notoriously competitive and borderline violine.

There were tears–like when Jamie wrestled his own son to the ground as they fought over a spoon.

There was stealing as I swooped in and triumphantly grabbed all the spoons, only to drop them back on the table as they dove in like a littler of ravenous puppies.

There were unbenevolent dictators, like when Jamie was the “King” in Scum and made the rule that anytime someone played a 6, they needed to proclaim “I love pumpkins.”

We all groaned as we collected our cards and I realized I didn’t have even one 6 in my hand.

It was like God was watching out for me that day.

Filed Under: Family, holidays, Humor, pumpkins

Living the Simple Life This Winter

November 17, 2014 By

I spent my final semester of college on a study abroad in the Middle East. Our campus was on the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem and we traveled frequently around the region. We floated in the Dead Sea and slept in cabanas by the Sea of Galilee. We roamed through Petra’s ancient wonders in Jordan and we climbed Mount Sinai to witness the sunrise. We marveled at the Great Pyramids and sailed the Nile at sunset.

Upon the completion of my studies, I stopped over in Europe with a few of my friends. We backpacked five countries in two weeks and had the time of our lives. One of our final destinations was Switzerland. We stayed at a hostel in Interlaken, the country’s outdoor Mecca. After a day of rafting the mighty Lütschine, we talked late into the night with some fellow travelers.

One of them was named Ralph. He was charming, athletic and drop-dead gorgeous. He was a mail carrier from Australia who had saved up his money for a year-long adventure abroad. He was going home the next morning. Feeling remorseful about the end of my own travels, I asked him how he thought he would adjust back to his humdrum life after being given a glimpse of the world.

His answer still resonates today: CLICK TO KEEP READING

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Meet the parents: travel edition

November 14, 2014 By

My parents are currently en route from Canada to stay with us for a couple of weeks. I always welcome their visits but wish it was under better circumstances. My mom has been in a lot of pain lately and is hoping a nerve block will give her some reprieve. The problem: The wait time for this procedure in Canada is 12-18 months. I called a Denver neuro clinic and they could get her in almost immediately for just $925.

Let’s call this the joys of socialized medicine. What good is affordability if you have to wait months, even years?

Of course, we’re living the flip side and by being self-employed (and with Jamie’s health history), our insurance is almost as much money as our mortgage.

We’ve had an arctic blast in Denver this week and my parents insist upon driving. OK, my mom insists on my dad driving so she can bring Christmas presents and do lots of shopping. Even with her poor health, she can out-shop me 100-1 any day.

Whenever we go on road trips, I’m borderline obsessive about departure. The house is cleaned, the car has a full tank of gas and as much is loaded as possible the night prior.  I have little/no tolerance for any delays on departure morning.

Case in point: Several years ago I went camping with a friend to Southern Utah. He mentioned he had to stop for gas on the way out of town. Annoying, but I dealt with it. Two hours later, we finally pulled out because he realized he needed to have his emissions testing done as well and there was a huuuuge wait.

I don’t even remember who he was. If that wasn’t a friendship deal-breaker, it should have been.

The drive from Calgary to Denver is about 19 hours in good weather so we usually divide the trip into two days. With winter driving conditions, it will likely take my parents much longer so I assumed they’d get an early start. Not so.

“So, what time are you leaving, Dad?
“Not until after your mom has her hair appointment.”

We all have our priorities. Obviously (by looking at my unruly mane) my hair has never been one of them.

Filed Under: Family, Health

Leaf It To Us

November 13, 2014 By

What do you do when there’s a 40-foot pile of leaves from your town’s leaf recycling drive near your house?

You don’t listen to Bode who cautions you to stay away. ‪

He got over it.

Filed Under: Bode, Hadley

A new dirty job for Mike Rowe and a disgusting pumpkin farewell

November 12, 2014 By

Whenever people see the Giant Pumpkin for the first time, they ask three questions:

“Is that thing real?”
Yep.

“How many pumpkin pies does it make?”
Dumb question. Next.

“What do you do with it?”
It sits on our driveway until Halloween and rots.

It’s not a pretty answer but it’s the truth.

The Saturday after Halloween, the Great Pumpkin had its final heyday as it was asked to be the guest of honor at Bode’s school’s pumpkin splat. The pumpkins are too big for the firetruck’s crane to lift but this year, kids loved climbing inside of the 1,292-pounder.

A free-falling pumpkin. Picture taken from by a firefighter on top of the crane

The event was a lot of fun and Jamie’s efforts were rewarded when the PTA sent him home with two leftover pizzas and a box of Dunkin’ Donuts. #WillGrowPumpkinsForFood

The only problem was after having so many kids inside the pumpkin, the bottom grew really soft and started rotting quickly. No problem! We’d cut it up and dispose of it right away.

But remember Jamie’s injuries after jumping out of the pumpkin all night?

He was hurting for days. And then it rained and we didn’t cover the pumpkin in time so it was a big mess.

Enter: Friday night. It was now then or never.

I’ve done a lot of things no woman should ever have to do with a pumpkin and that night was no exception. Jamie usually cuts them up himself but Bode, Hadley and I were recruited to help cut it up and load it into a dumpster.

At first, it my dream come true! The Pumpkin Widow was finally the lead singer in SMASHING PUMPKINS and I let out my years of pent-up frustration!

And then my dream became a nightmare. Once we finally cracked both pumpkins open with our shovels, the big one was a disgusting. We fastidiously cut off chunk after chunk.

And the bottom was a big, wet, gloopy rotting mess. At one point, I carved my shovel into the base and was rewarded with a fresh spray of pumpkin rot all down the front of me.

Add that to the list of things a Pumpkin Widow should never have to do.

 

Filed Under: Humor, pumpkins Tagged With:

Inquiring minds want to know

November 7, 2014 By

While most boys Bode’s age stink, he now showers twice a day because:

a) He’s trying to warm up.

b) He wants to be like his dad a.k.a. the cleanest man in America.

c) He’s got a third grade hottie on the side.

d) All of the above??

 

Filed Under: Bode

Halloween in Denver and the skeleton’s slow, painful death

November 5, 2014 By

I shudder to think of the day when these kids of mine are too big to enjoy Halloween’s revelries. Then again, I’m practically ancient and whenever October rolls around, I’m like a kid again.

With gorgeous weather and many adventures, we had an absolute blast this October.

We had a “ball” at Heritage Square’s “Bootown.”


The zipline was fun but the kids deemed their new Rocky Mountain Ropes Course not-so fun.

American Ninja Warrior contenders they are not.

We spent an entire day at Elitch Gardens’ Fright Fest and took both kids to the scary haunted houses for the first time.

Fun fact from their marketing department: At least one creepy zombie “actor” gets punched every day from freaked-out patrons.

My good friend Jennie and her husband have been staying with us as they finalize their move to Colorado. Not only did they help us with the Giant Gourd of Horror as Jamie scared trick-or-treaters all night, Jennie did a bang-up job on Bode’s skeleton make-up. He was delighted no one recognized him!

Hadley went as the White Lady from The Hobbit and the kids had a blast hanging out with friends.

 

My favorite moment of the night (apart from The Pumpkin Man traumatizing the neighbors) was during the parade. Our neighborhood fire station generously hosts a party with loads of treas and a fire-truck-led parade.  Last year, Bode raced off with his friends but found himself alone at the end of it.

The kid has serious abandonment issues so you can imagine how well that turned out despite the fact he easily found his way home.

This year, I cautioned him to stay close to us but despite our best attempts, we couldn’t track down any of his buddies.

Enter: Witch Ashlee. I suspect she has had a crush on Bode since kindergarten because she positively melts when he’s around. She glommed onto him during the parade and would not let him leave her side.

I could tell he was dying inside to be walking next to a girl during the parade but being the nice guy that he is, he didn’t ditch her. I knew the moment that parade was over, he’d be outta there like a skeleton out of the closet.

As we were parting, Ashlee took a bold approach. Instead of going to Bode (which would have resulted in a blatant rejection), she very sweetly asked ME if he wanted to go trick-or-treating with her.

I gently turned her down by saying he’d rather die a slow, painful death he was already going with his friends.

But you’d better believe when he’s 16, I won’t be so nice.

Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, holidays, Humor, pumpkins
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