A sledding party!

December 31, 2014 By

On Christmas, we received a glorious dump of snow. That night, I emailed a bunch of friends from church to see who wanted to go sledding the next day and almost all of them came–40+ people. Chalk that up to how you know you have the coolest friends ever!

My friend Eva suggested we sled at the hill behind her school, which was perfect because we had it entirely to ourselves.  I brought hot chocolate to warm everyone up and we played for hours.

Bode photobombing the Phillips

Snowman photobomb

Sledding train!

The lowlight: Some of the dads were egging me on to tube down the hill at warp speeds. It was early in the day so the fluffy snow was not yet compacted. I took a running leap onto the tube, it completely stuck to the snow while I flew forward, face-planting in the powder. Jon took a picture and after years to exploiting everyone else’s humiliations, I totally deserved it.

The highlight: Earlier that day when I crawled up the ladder in our garage to retrieve our sled from the overhead storage, I asked Bode if he’d catch me if I fell.

“No way, Mom. You weigh like 100 pounds!”

Filed Under: Bode, Colorado, Hadley, Humor, LDS, outdoors

A Tenderloin Meltdowning, Mexican-Denver Christmas

December 30, 2014 By

Christmas day was one of our most low-key ever. We had planned a huge spread of food with Jamie’s brother and sister but a couple of days prior, they contracted the stomach flu. I received the news shortly after I splurged and bought a $100 beef tenderloin.

Two words: all mine.

Since we weren’t having guests, didn’t need to be anywhere and it started snowing later in the day, we opted to stay in our PJs. Side note: When you declare it a PJ Christmas, it sounds official vs. not getting dressed is just plain lazy.

Though our Santa hats said “naughty” on one side and “nice” on the other, this is what we both insisted upon.

Rather telling, wouldn’t you agree?

Our kids are at funny ages with Christmas. Hadley no longer believes but still loves the magic of it all. Bode is in denial and I’m not ready to burst his bubble. Neither of them could think of anything they wanted for Christmas. Their big gift was the trampoline we bought a few weeks ago and on Christmas day, they got archery sets, clothes, games and movies with the big reveal at the end.

Jamie’s favorite present from Fat Kitty: “How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You”

A couple of weeks ago, Southwest Vacations reached out and asked me if I’d like to go to Mexico. The email was originally sent to spam because really, who gets offered trips to Mexico? But, it was legit and we’ve been working out the details for a quick three-night trip to Cancun in January.

Jamie typed up a big reveal and put it in a manilla envelope on the tree. The kids discovered it at the end and the suspense would have been perfect if they had been able to read the cursive handwriting he used.

Note to self: Don’t use the fancy, illegible font.

The Mexico “Big Reveal”

Regardless, everyone is is so grateful for the opportunity and downright ecstatic. The kids have never been to Cancun so it will be a wonderful getaway.

The rest of the day, we watched our new movies Maleficent (loved) and Guardians of the Galaxy (hated), the kids played more video games than I preferred, we ate a lot of treats, had some cutthroat games of Pit and tested out Jamie’s new ebeskiver (Danish pancakes) pan, his gift from the kids.

I just love gifts that keep on giving.

For dinner, my magnificent tenderloin almost resulted in my nervous breakdown. Jamie was grilling the $100 hunk ‘o beef when he came inside.

“Bad news.”

“WHAT?!”

“Our propane tank is empty.”

Don’t ask me how that happened because I always have one as a back-up. As my veins started bulging out of my head, I realized that I am like The Old Man on “A Christmas Story.” Remember his obsession with the holiday turkey? That is me with my grilled tenderloin.

Jamie roasted it in the oven and, though it wasn’t was succulent as grilled, it was still delicious.

Thanks heavens we didn’t have to resort to the local Chinese restaurant.

Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Family, holidays, Humor

It’s Christmas Eve in the City

December 29, 2014 By

When Jamie announced “we’re staying in Denver for Christmas,” I admittedly wasn’t too thrilled.  What on earth would we do for 2.5 weeks when we could be using that precious time off from school to travel?

As it turns out, plenty. We’ve been so busy in recent years going from grandparent-to-grandparent that our kids have no memories of Christmas day in our own home. Though we had a wonderful time in Utah last year with Jamie’s clan–and there is nothing in the world as fun as my family’s uproarious Christmas Eve–it was nice to actually be home to receive the onslaught of cards and treats from our generous friends throughout the week. We’ve been playing with them non-stop and it warms my heart to have such a cohesive ward family that is our family away from home.

It has also been my least stressful Christmas ever.  When my parents visited last month, I sent their gifts home early with them and I completed 99% of our shopping during my many excursions with my mom. On Christmas Eve day, all that was left to do was clean up and bake a bit and we went for a beautiful walk and skimmed rocks on the icy pond.

That night, the Cardons (a new family from our ward) invited several people over for a fantastic feast and plenty of fun Minute to Win It Games. In this picture, the kids are trying to flip a Rudolph pom-pom onto their Vaseline-greased nose.

Minute to Win It is just a nice way of  humiliating yourself publicly.

Case in point: panty hose antlers. We were divided up into families and the challenge was to blow up 10 balloons, stuff them in panty hose, put the “antlers” on someone’s head and belt out “Jingle Bells.”

We won. Or maybe by the looks of this picture, we were the goofball losers.

An awesomely fun night was topped off by a gift exchange and the kids performing the Nativity. For years, Hadley has been vying to be Mary (remember the Mary Mother of Jesus Take-down from last year?) And of course, several other girls wanted to be Mary as well. To make it fair, we drew names and I was relieved when Hadley won, for the sole reason she can stop bugging us every year about it.

All the boys (including Bode) wanted to be wisemen and I bribed another one of them to be our token shepherd. I usually have to coax a boy to be Joseph because, let’s face it, being married to a girl is pretty gross. I was surprised when Hadley’s arch nemesis Bryan (whom she endlessly loves to torment) volunteered. I didn’t bother to point out to either of them that it actually meant they were husband and wife.

Hadley bonded more with donkey Addison than she did Joseph


Our whirlwind night was topped off by opening our Christmas PJs when we arrived home.

Christmas PJs with Elves on the Shelf photobomb

And Hadley had waited to intentionally pull our her tooth so the Tooth Fairy and Santa would have to work overtime.

Because Santa didn’t have enough going on that night.

Filed Under: holidays, Humor, LDS

Merry Christmas!

December 25, 2014 By

If you read my blog, our annual holiday newsletter is old news to you. But I assure you, Fat Kitty has never looked better.

Merry Christmas!

If 2014 could be summed up quickly, it would be non-stop travels for the first six months and the other six were spent recovering with little/no travels. We’re so grateful for both and most importantly that we have had minimal health crises this year and no hospital visits (wood is currently being knocked).

Our year was unprecedented for travel and will likely never be repeated but what a blast we had! I attended a media event in Denver for the Maui Convention & Visitor’s Bureau and was thrilled when I won a trip for two! The coincidence? The only other time I’ve been to Hawaii was when my dad won a trip for two to Hawaii through work. Fortunately for my siblings and our kids, we let them tag along and truly fell in love with that island paradise as it was our favorite trip ever (see all the fun here)and I’m now moderately obsessed with buying a cabin there someday.

Just as we were recovering from Maui, I was asked to attend the Disney Social Media Moms, an invite-only, highly-sought-after conference at Disneyland so we decided to splurge. And Disneyland isn’t the same without family so we surprised the kids by waking them up the morning of our departure. For once, they did not complain about being woken up early.

One of our favorite ways to play is skiing and this past year we’ve been to Breckenridge, Steamboat Springs, Crested Butte, Copper Mountain and Park City Mountain Resort...and have many more ski trips planned for 2015. One of our favorite experiences was dog sledding for the first time in Breck!

And, of course, the kids and I spent our month-long vacation in Canada and the Western United States. Jamie joined us for a week at the lake with my family in Vernon, B.C. and we had a fantastic time boating. Usually our Canadian adventures are a reprieve from Denver’s searing heat so we won’t comment how it was actually cooler in Denver during our lake retreat.

Now, onto family matters.

Hadley (age 10, fifth grade)

Hadley grew leaps and bounds this year…literally. Her huge growth spurt over the summer launched her to the top of the class in height and continues to send us scrambling to replace all her clothes, which is challenging because she hates 99% of what she sees in the store. She has a wicked sense of humor and a large group of friends at church and school. She hates math and piano and enjoys handwork, travel, art, violin, pumpkin growing (hers weighed 401 pounds), Minecraft and crafts. Her favorite class trip ever was a three-day class camping trip to the Great Sand Dunes National Park where she was the second-fastest kid to summit the highest dune in North America (a bit perplexing because she’s always the first-slowest when it comes to leaving the house). For volleyball, we bumped her up to play with the 6-8 graders and she has had no problems keeping up the big girls. She’s a mountain goat hiker and is ready to be challenged on the big peaks (we just need to get our act together to take her), is moderately obsessed with bouldering and is constantly heckling the rest of us to keep up with her during her crazy traverses. She’s a great skier, is learning to tackle the moguls and we had a fabulous mother-daughter trip to the slopes in February during her school break. She loves the water and, despite her protests to try wakeboarding, popped up on her first try and now does it like a champ. Though she and Bode would never admit it, they’re besties and play wonderfully together 93 percent of the time; no comment on the other 7 percent nor who is the instigator for the fall-outs.

Bode (age 8, 3rd grade)

Bode’s big news is he got baptized in August surrounded by both sets of grandparents. He’s a happy, kind and thoughtful kid who has two emotions: joyful (most of the time) and sensitive (usually during the aforementioned fall-outs). He’s a whiz at math and a regular receiver of “Star Awards” at school yet has barely legible handwriting. He is recovering from an addiction to Calvin and Hobbes and Clash of Clans and he thrives on being responsible–he even sets his alarm early for school so he can be “extra-prepared.” For his eighth birthday, we threw him a surprise party where we hired Rolling Video Games Denver to come to the house and we invited all his friends for a two-hour video game marathon that was deemed “the best party ever.” He’s intrinsically more cautious than his sister but battled his fears and did an awesome job wakeboarding, cross-country skiing and a high-ropes course for the first time. Named after Bode Miller, he continues to rock the ski slopes and went on one of his first mogul run last week. When I asked him it was terrifying, he confessed, “A little bit,” and I can’t blame him because I sometimes feel the same way. He plays the piano non-stop, enjoyed growing his 325-pound pumpkin, loves Cub Scouts and is gearing up for his first Pinewood Derby where it will be revealed just how competitive his father really is. Bode went on his first six-day overnight camp to Camp Chief Ouray with Hadley last summer and had the time of his life. As smart as he is, he still puts his shirt on backwards but loves to snuggle up so I’m relieved he’s not growing up too fast, even if he sometimes acts like a responsible 40-year-old man in an 8-year-old body.

Jamie

The Pumpkin Man had his his worst pumpkin-growing year ever and lost both of his plants to yellow vine disease in August. Despite that setback, he was able to preserve one of them long enough to make it to the scale and it topped 500 pounds. We were sad we wouldn’t have a real giant pumpkin to display so rescued his buddy Joe’s from being axed and it just happened to be the biggest grown in Colorado this year. Jamie had a blast taking the pumpkins around to the area schools and had a ton of media interviews–he was even featured front page on The Denver Post’s YourHub. But his most memorable pumpkin moment was when he decided it would be fun to dress up as The Pumpkin Man, hide inside the pumpkin, and terrorize trick-or-treaters on Halloween. Fortunately no law suits were filed and we only had one casualty when he made Spiderman cry (watch the hilarious video here). His web development business continues to add more people to the team and we’re grateful business is growing (unfortunately so do his stress levels). At church, he’s the Stake Technology Clerk and the Priest’s Quorum Adviser but most importantly, a wonderful husband, father and mortal enemy to superheroes.

Amber

As for me, I continue to juggle trips, kid’s activities and working from home. I’ve taken over the business/advertising side of Mile High Mamas, which has confirmed I’d much rather be writing. And traveling. And hiking or skiing. But unfortunately, I haven’t figured out how to make much money from those exploits so in the interim I’ll just dream of more playtime. I’ve become more of a regular contributor on 9News and have done segments on everything from travel tips to Halloween treats to their ugly sweater Christmas party on Friday. I was released as the Primary pianist at church and am on my way out the door for Public Affairs as I’ve been called as an Akela of the Cub Scout Bear Den. I am also an aspiring dodgeball player and if this writing gig doesn’t work out, I hope to go pro in the future.

Fat Kitty

Fat Kitty is the only serious one in the family. In addition to napping for 23 hours a day, he enjoys decapitating the occasional mouse, eating grass until he pukes and annoying Jamie. He also decided to get in shape this year and his favorite exercise is a cross between a lunch and a crunch.

Some people call it lunch.

Christmas Wishes

This time of year, we’re especially grateful for our many friends, family and for our our Savior. Have the happiest of Christmases is our Christmas wish and gift to you!

 

Love,

The Johnsons

Filed Under: Bode, Canada, Colorado, Family, Family travel, Favorite Posts, Hadley, Humor, Jamie, LDS, Marriage, outdoors, pumpkins, travel, Utah

Wishing you a lice-free Christmas!

December 24, 2014 By

Usually I spend at least two days baking Christmas goodies for all our neighbors and friends. However, since we were sick last week and I had done a lot of baking for my 9News segment the week before, I was all baked out.

That is just a nice way of saying I am half-baked.

So, I only made a couple of batches of almond rocha and caramel toffee squares to distribute to a few families with whom we usually exchange gifts.  On Sunday night, we watched The Nativity Story and then drove around looking at Christmas lights. Upon the recommendation of my friend Jenn, we stumbled upon a new favorite at 8300 Balsam Street (for locals to check-out). This picture doesn’t even do it justice. The grandson told us his grandma has been doing this light display for 17 years and hand-makes all the wooden structures. To the right of the driveway, there are several more animated figurines…the whole thing defines Christmas magic.

We were so inspired we went home and watched National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Me thinks The Pumpkin Man needs to step it up next year.

As we were delivering treats, we always belt out “We wish you a Merry Christmas” because what brings more joy than off-key caroling? When our friend Meredith came to the door, she said her daughter had been bugging her to do the same thing as us “because those Johnsons have such a fun tradition.”

It’s like we’re the Christmas Spirit Incarnate.

I didn’t divulge that I’ve spent the last few weeks murmuring about Denver’s too-balmy weather, citing “Even The Grinch had a White Christmas!”

Our final stop was to some of our dearest friends. They had stayed home from church due to a rumored lice outbreak. And if anyone knows lice, it’s me. As they opened the door, we belted out, “We wish you a lice-less Christmas” as we donned our gay apparel lice-protective headgear.

After all, friends with “head afflictions” should not be exempt from our Christmas cheer.

Filed Under: holidays, Humor

Fat Kitty’s Conspiracy Plan

December 23, 2014 By

One of the nice things about having my parents come visit last month is that my Christmas shopping has been done for weeks. Sure, I inwardly whined and complained about being dragged from store-to-store by my mom because I hate shopping but you just have to learn to suck it up for people you love. And shopping is what she loves.

Despite my best intentions to hide all our presents in one place, it never fails that I “misplace” at least one item.  Jamie gives me C-R-A-P about it every year because it’s usually his gift. In my defense, I eventually find it, even if it’s five months after the fact.

This year, I’ve misplaced some stocking stuffers, which isn’t overly suspicious but the other missing gift has raised some red flags. I cannot find the gift that Fat Kitty got Jamie: the book, How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You. I suspect foul play.

He pleads the fifth.

 

 

Filed Under: Humor Tagged With:

The Other Side of Salvation Army’s Bell Ringers

December 22, 2014 By

A few weeks ago, we had our Cub Scouts bring a recipe of a dinner they wanted to make and guesstimate how much each ingredient would cost. The following week, we met at our local grocery store and “pretend shopped” by giving them a tour of the store, teaching them about labels, bargains and ads while comparing what they thought their items cost to the actual price. It was an eye-opening experience as they realized just how much it costs to feed a family.

When I asked what they had learned, one boy observed, “It taught me I need to eat less.”

“You’re a growing boy who needs to eat,” I countered. “Instead, it should teach you to be grateful your parents have money to buy food and to not be wasteful. Because every time you throw away food, you’re throwing away money you spent on it.”

Deep, even for me.

While we were waiting for the boys to arrive at the grocery store, Bode and I chatted with the man ringing the bell for the Salvation Army’s annual charity drive. I’ve always tried to donate when I can but this article, The Other Side of the Bell, really resonated with me:

I observed human nature in action, a real-life lab experiment on how people behave in what – to them – is an awkward relationship. Some people couldn’t have been nicer, whether they plopped change in the kettle or not; they’d say hi, maybe make a comment about the cold, or at least nod.

But the majority of people who strode past on that busy afternoon were determined to avoid eye contact. I had become, in some respects, invisible.

So, for the record, and to offer an assist for people – maybe you – who don’t know how to handle that situation during the holiday season, allow me to explain the point of view of those on the other side of the bell.

Read the full story here.

Take a moment to read it because my attitude and reactions to those ringing the bell has completely changed. As Bode and I talked to the exuberant bell ringer, he asked if we wanted to take a turn.  Suddenly, we were on The Other Side of the Bell and just like the author, my cute little Cub Scout bell ringer was ignored and passed over without a second glance.

He got one donation: from his Mama.

After being on The Other Side of the Bell, just remember that even if you can’t spare any money that even a simple smile or a friendly exchange are worth their weight in gold.

 

Filed Under: Bode, holidays

The (Puking, Clutzy) Christmas Carolers

December 19, 2014 By

Christmas caroling with the Cub Scouts at the retirement home was a success!

Well, if you don’t count the boy who dropped the cookies.

Or the one who almost threw up.

Otherwise, we were The Spirit of Christmas Incarnate.

Filed Under: Bode, holidays, Humor

My Ugly Sweater Coming Out Party

December 17, 2014 By

For years, I have wanted to go to an Ugly Sweater Party so imagine how delighted I was when I was invited to 9News’ fete. I mean, to debut my first first ugly sweater on television is quite the coming out party!

The problem came when I tried to track down an ugly Christmas sweater at the local thrift store. The selection had been picked through so I opted for the most gaudy sweater I could find but tread very carefully. After all, one woman’s ugly sweater is another’s treasure. I bought some tacky ornaments to glue gun onto the sweater but crafts and textiles aren’t exactly my forté so I hesitatingly asked my husband if he thought I could pull it off.

“If anyone call make an ugly sweater, it’s you, Amber.”

He was joking. I think.

And yes, I find it ironic that the photographer completely cut out my ugly sweater in this photograph.

Filed Under: 9News, holidays, Humor, Jamie

How Elves on the Shelves are Actually Messengers from God

December 16, 2014 By

Nice title, right?

I hate Elves on the Shelf as much as the next mom and I really regret ever starting the tradition. I hoped the kids would forget about them and Bode certainly did because I think they creeped him out.

How would you like to wake up to an elf staring at you all night and reporting your misdeeds to Santa?

Hadley has been unrelentlessly bugging me to bring them out so I finally caved two days ago. To show her who was really in charge, I dressed the elves up in the kids’ underwear for their first appearance. For day 2 I had them hanging out at Fat Kitty’s littler box passed out covering their noses from the stench. I don’t think Fat Kitty was too thrilled about them, either. How would you like to poop to an audience?

Oh wait, every mom of young children knows exactly what that feels like.

We all have colds and I actually think Hadley has Strep so I am taking her to the doctor shortly (because her two week-stint with pneumonia wasn’t enough). I was lying in bed last night feeling crummy when I remembered I had to move those blasted elves.

Mumbling, I dragged myself out of bed and started trudging down the stairs. As I passed Bode’s room, I heard him sobbing. I stopped in my tracks and started to go in but heard him talking. As I listened, I realized he was praying. As he poured his heart out to Heavenly Father, my heart melted.

When he was finished, I tip-toed into his room, scooped him up into my arms and asked him what was wrong. My little overachiever was agonizing over a third grade in-class writing assignment that is due today.

“My teacher was helping me on it but now I’m behind everyone in the class and don’t know if I’ll finish,” he wailed.

The mom in me wanted to blow it off and say, “Dude, you’re in third grade, lighten up a bit,” especially when I heard the paper was about how to grow giant pumpkins (the horror!) But I validated his concerns and consoled him as we talked through his options for getting it done. Comforted, he rolled over and went to sleep. Even as a toddler, Bode has been a very sensitive, spiritual kid (remember Aslan the lion when Bode was 3?)

As I walked downstairs to move those elves, I had to ask myself when was the last time I really poured my heart out to the Lord with all my soul? I’ve had quite the week on top of all the holiday chaos. We’ve had major stresses with Hadley’s teacher and school that resulted in 10 parents meeting with the principal yesterday about our concerns. Now she’s sick and missing even more school.

And my mom is back in the hospital, worse than ever. She had a code 66 (she lost consciousness,) her hemo dropped to 68 (normal is 120-140), her stomach is bleeding and they have no answers.

If there’s anytime for me to pour out my heart and soul to the Lord it is now.

And I’m so thankful to my sweet Bode for reminding me of that during this Christmas season.

Filed Under: Bode, holidays, LDS
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