Amber | Life Elevated Mom

Confessions of a Desperate Mom

December 22, 2010 by Amber

It is tradition for us to visit Santa at our ward’s Christmas party but this year, the organizers declared it a Santa-free soiree.

I’m betting they will be getting coal in their stocking.

So I was faced with quite possibly the most dreadful possibility of all:

Braving the mall in December to see Santa.

And I would have done it two for those darling kids of mine but let it be known, I really really really really didn’t want to to make my semi-annual pilgrimage to the mall during its busiest season.

So imagine my delight when I arrived at the church last Saturday to help decorate for our ward’s Christmas party, only to discover I went to the wrong building.

OK, that wasn’t the delightful part. The delightful part was another congregation was there celebrating and the kids were bouncing off the walls waiting for Santa.

Frustrated over my navigational error, I slumped out to the car where I found Jamie and the kids patiently waiting. But then, what to my wondering eyes should appear but a ~~miniature sleigh~~ beat-up clunker pull up with Mr. and Mrs. Claus.

“Jamie, THAT IS SANTA.”
“I’m well aware of that, Amber.”
“We HAVE to let the kids visit with Santa. THIS IS OUR CHANCE.”

We were pressed for time and it would have been impolite to invite ourselves to another ward’s party, let alone cut in the front of the line. And so I did what any mall-phobic, stressed-out mama would do as her husband rolled his eyes in exasperation:

I hijacked Santa outside the building.

No worries. I’ll return him by Christmas Eve.

Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, holidays, Humor

Quite possibly the best gift exchange prize ever

December 21, 2010 by Amber

Since Jamie and I landed from New York City, we have been involved in a non-stop frenzy. I high-tailed it over to this girl’s holiday party at school.
As you can tell she was very happy to see me. Really.

A couple of hours later was our dinner group’s annual Christmas party. We had a delicious dinner, followed by a gift exchange. This has been a tradition in my family for as long as I can remember. Everyone brings a wrapped gift and we draw numbers to determine the order we select our gifts. Those with the lowest numbers are pretty much stuck with their gifts while the higher number can trade for the best gifts.

A few years ago, Wendy bought some Bronco’s fuzzy dice that got passed around and then resurrected each year for the gift exchange.

This year, we have the ultimate replacement:

Wendy unwrapped a picture of Jamie and The Great Pumpkin in a “Love” frame.
I still can’t figure out why it became the ostracized gift of the year.

Filed Under: holidays, Humor, pumpkins

It’s Christmas Time in the [New York] City!

December 20, 2010 by Amber

Even though I’m admittedly not a huge fan of NYC (especially after a not-so memorable trip last summer), I’ve dreamed of going there with Jamie at Christmastime.

Last week, I got my wish and we did a lot of things on my bucket list:

The tree at Rockefeller Plaza.

A late-night stop at Time Square.

This was fun though we were disappointed at only finding exorbitantly overpriced franchised restaurants there and so we made the long trek back to our hotel hoping to stop along the way. You know that claim New York is the city that never sleeps?

We couldn’t find anything open along that popular 2-mile stretch besides cheap pizza and sleazy bars.

We stopped by the home of the Rockettes. As an homage to them, we did our own Rockettes-esque kicks.

Just in case you didn’t notice, those are our feet at the bottom of the picture and yes, that is about as high as we could get them.

Don’t expect to see us performing at Radio City Music Hall anytime soon.

One afternoon, we went in search of chestnuts roasting on an open fire. After wandering around to no avail, we came upon 34th street, wherein I exclaimed, “WHERE IS MY MIRACLE?”

Turns out I found them there in front of the renowned Macy’s and we were delighted to try chestnuts for the first time.

One of our favorite movies is Serendipity starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale. In case you haven’t seen the romantic-comedy, it is set in NYC at Christmastime so upon Jamie’s recommendation, we recreated our own Serendipity date.

We went skating at Central Park.

OK, admittedly we didn’t actually go skating. It was a combination of my snobby Canadian skating roots where I’d skate for miles for free on frozen rivers and the fact we would have had to drop almost $40 to skate for a 1/2 hour.

We stopped in at the famous Waldorf Astoria.

We went to Serendipity, the charming restaurant the movie was based upon where we ate burgers drowned in delicious barbecue sauce and their signature frozen hot chocolate.

This was only a small sampling of what we crammed into our NYC stay but if I had to sum it all up, I’d say it was all about….

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, travel

The Greatest Gift of All….

December 16, 2010 by Amber

…Is not Fat Kitty, whom we found snuggled up like a present under the tree.

But rather, my mother-in-law Linda whose selfless service has helped us time and time again. As you know, we were in mourning when my in-laws moved to Utah last year and there isn’t a day that goes by that we do not miss them.

Linda recently flew to Denver to watch our kids for 10 days during our cruise. Jamie and I have been on-hold with an important trip to New York City. At the very last minute, it was confirmed we needed to fly out there Wednesday (yesterday) through Friday (tomorrow).

Ever tried to find someone to watch your kids during the day and overnight the week before Christmas?

Ain’t happening.

While I had several friends offer to help during the day, nighttime was a battle and only Linda came forward.

OK, so we begged, pleaded and were just short of bribing her. None of it was needed because she graciously offered to help us.

I feel horribly about inconveniencing her during such a busy time of year. We’re spending Christmas at their house in Utah and had planned to fly in the day prior. “Linda, I can come out a few days early with the kids to help you prepare for Christmas,” I offered. It was the least I could do.

She called me back a few minutes later. “You know what, Amber? The biggest favor you can give me is by staying at home with your kids and NOT coming early to ‘help.'”

Touché 🙂

Filed Under: holidays, Humor

The art of juggling

December 15, 2010 by Amber

“How do you do it all?”

I get asked this question a lot. Simple fact of the matter is I don’t. No one can. While I may have many, many balls in the air, it’s inevitable one…or two…or all of them will eventually drop.

That about describes last week. I have a lot of travels in December, several writing deadlines, all the regular frenzies associated with the holidays and my commitment do quality daily activities with my kids.

And so I tried to cram them all in at the same time.

It started with my Christmas baking for neighbors and visiting teachees.

This year’s menu included chocolate caramel squares, almond rocha, whipped shortbread, swirled snowball cookies and eggnog snickerdoodles.

I think I gained 10 pounds just looking at this list.

Then, I cranked out some pretty major articles back-to-back and returned the favor of my friend Monica by watching her kids. In the midst of this frenzy, I learned the Young Women at church were in charge of our ward’s Christmas party decorations and we had zero budget. So, I volunteered to take the kids up to the mountains to pick pine cones.
You know, in my spare time.

Jamie staged an intervention around The Pine Cone Incident, “You are taking on too much. You need to stop opening your mouth because you can’t do it all.”

He was right. That very week, there was some ball dropage when I forgot I was supposed to volunteer in Haddie’s class. I was home with sick Bode that day so couldn’t have gone anyway but the simple fact is I hadn’t written it on the calendar. And I hadn’t called to cancel until I realized my error the day after.

I emailed Haddie’s teacher and apologized profusely. I never heard back.

Evidently, she’s a more accomplished juggler than I.

I think I just figured out my 2011 New Year’s resolution.

Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, outdoors

He’s Still Got “It”

December 13, 2010 by Amber

When one enters a new decade such as Jamie did when he turned 40 last week, there is always a bit of fear associated with it. Is he suddenly going to turn old and lame? Will he need bifocals in his 40s? What if he stops being funny and becomes a grumpy old man?

Turns out, I’m more at risk for all the above concerns because my beloved Jamie has still got it.

On his birthday, we went to a hip downtown restaurant, Zengo. If I were to have a last meal on earth, it would be their thai chicken empanadas with chile poblano rajasoaxaca cheese and mango-curry salsa.

Just thinking about it makes me want to die.

As we were driving to dinner, I babbled away like usual. The next day, I was taking the kids to see The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. We did a movie marathon over Thanksgiving where we watched the first two so we were ecstatic to take in the third installment on the big screen.

“Some critics are saying the third movie is the very best one,” I said excitedly.
“I heard that, too. Though I must say the seventh and final book is the very best.”
“How on earth do you know that?” I asked my non-reading husband.
“We read them in our sixth grade class.”
“I appreciate that but I can barely remember what I read last week, let alone what I read 30 years ago,” I retorted.
“When you’ve only read 12 books your entire life, the ones you did read are a standout.”

A few minutes later, I talked about my Christmas baking. For one of my menu items (eggnog snickerdoodles) I put just a touch too much nutmeg into the dough, almost overwhelming the flavor of the cookie.

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that too much nutmeg can be a deal-breaker,” Jamie said emphatically.
Long pause.
“Really? How many times have you said that?” I queried.
“Umm…never.”

On another note, there is one gift Jamie requests year after year: a gift card for R.E.I. (a veritable Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium for outdoor lovers). He spends hours combing through their catalog and online. Only this year was different. He plopped down at my computer and typed in the URL for the North Face’s Kira Triclimate 3-in-1 Insulated Jacket.

“Amber, I want to buy you this jacket with my birthday money.”

My jaw dropped. His spoils didn’t even come close to covering the cost of a jacket of this grandeur and magnitude.

“I can’t accept that. This is your money. You need to buy something for you.”

“This is how I want to spend it. You need a jacket more than anything. “

He’s correct. I’ve had my current ski jacket for 12 years. Not only does it no longer fit but it’s literally falling apart at the seams. I just haven’t felt like I could justify spending the money to buy a new coat.

On Saturday, off to R.E.I. we went. As I modeled my new coat, he could not have looked happier than if he had bought it for himself. And I could not have felt more humbled and blessed to have married such a wonderful, giving man.

I think I’m going to like his 40s.

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

Your opinion needed

December 12, 2010 by Amber

This should not come as a shock to any of you but I offered the dissenting opinion on a hotly-debated child safety issue at MSNBC.com.

Come on over to MileHighMamams.com today to share your take on the controversy.

My feelings won’t be hurt be if you disagree.

But I may hold it against you forever. 🙂

Photo: Southwest Airlines

Filed Under: issues

The HR Lady Does Christmas…No Hanukkah…No Ramadan. Just forget it.

December 10, 2010 by Amber

I heard this on the radio this morning and could not stop laughing.

Mostly because as a former Party Princess/Ward Activities Committee Chair, I could sooooooo relate to all of the different, asinine requests.

Click here:

The HR Lady – Our most requested Holiday Classic!

And join me in the insane asylum at the end.

Filed Under: holidays, Humor

The Lord of the Gourds’ Surprise Birthday Bash

December 9, 2010 by Amber

It’s a big week for birthdays: Jamie’s 40th birthday is TODAY! I’m ashamed to admit I wasn’t going to go above-and-behind for the celebration besides just a nice dinner. Between sickness, travels and our crazy work schedule (not to mention we had something going on every day this week), time is just not on our side.

Until I saw a Facebook conversation between him and my Aunt Sue wherein he stated something along the lines of, “I’m bracing myself for whatever Amber has planned for my birthday.”

CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP!

And so you could say I was forced into action. Last week, I sent an Evite to some of our closest friends and neighbors to come for a casual, dessert-bar surprise party on Monday night. Sound pretty easy?

Then Jamie and I both got sick.

Remember my previous post wherein I revealed our house looked like a bomb went off?

On Monday, my friend Kristen watched Bode for a couple of hours so I could go back to bed and try to sleep off the plague. It worked and I was energized enough to disinfect the entire house, unpack, play with Bode and do five loads of laundry.

It was a modern-day miracle.

My cover for getting us out of the house that evening was I was tired and didn’t want to cook dinner so we headed over to our local Qdoba. I had stashed black streamers, balloons and the desserts in the laundry room so Jamie’s sister Lisa could set them up while we were gone. I had advised our friends not to park in front of the house and to arrive promptly at 6:45 p.m. for our 7 p.m. arrival.

And get this: everything went according to plan. I hadn’t told the children about it because, welp, let’s just say keeping secrets is not one of their strong points. When we arrived home I held the kids back so Jamie could go first but when he turned the knob, it was locked.

I don’t know about you but we don’t carry house keys. Ever. We always enter through the garage and I’ve gotta admit we don’t have a spare set so if that garage door gets locked, we’re outta luck.

Exasperated, Jamie turned to me and reprimanded, “WHY DID YOU LOCK THE DOOR??!!!”

At that very moment, one of our friends flung it open while everyone shouted, “SURPRISE.”

“Surprise” wasn’t even an appropriate word. Maybe “shock” is more befitting, or even “heart attack.”

The man is, after all, 40.

Happy Birthday to the Lord of the Gourds, from those who love him most.

Pumpkin beanie hat and all.

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie

What can Brown do for you?

December 7, 2010 by Amber

Bode was the last holdout for getting the plague and exactly one week from from its introduction into our home, he waved the white flag.

Or an awful lot of Brown (with emphasis on awful).

In the middle of the night, Jamie heard a crash and figured one of the kids had fallen out of bed. A moment letter, Bode appeared in our bedroom. Turns out, the poor little dude had been wandering around in the dark in a (too-late) race to the bathroom and had run into the wall.

Talk about adding insult to injury.

This is the first time the little man has had an incident with Brown since he has been potty trained and believe me, I was wishing for those diapers last night. I’ll leave it at that. Those without children don’t want details and those with children don’t care to relive them.

I obviously kept him home from preschool today. Even though he has not napped in over a year, I insisted we lie down to take one. I recruited Fat Kitty, always a willing snooze buddy. Fat Kitty and Bode have a complicated relationship. Bode loves him to death and though Fat Kitty is a snuggler, he doesn’t appreciate being mauled.

A bit of a killjoy, if you ask me.

For this reason, Fat Kitty just kind of tolerates Bode but is indifferent toward him at best. But not today. Our fat cat strolled on over to Bode and curled himself up on the nape of his neck.

This was better than Christmas for sweet Bode. He cooed over and over about how much he loved him as he reached up to pet Fat Kitty and then me.

I do have irresistibly soft hair.

And the hope that we will finally be rid of this plague once and for all.

Filed Under: Bode, Humor Tagged With: Fat Kitty