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The Marriage Ref: In Pictures

June 21, 2011 by Amber

I have always wanted to see New York City at Christmastime so I was delighted when we were flown out for our Marriage Ref taping early-December (for a glimpse at our Serendipity-themed date go here).

But as promised, here are some additional pictures of our experience on The Marriage Ref starting with our awesome Denver film crew: J.D. (cameraman), Zoran and Casey who are holding the (what else) pumpkin muffins I made for them!
We really bonded after a long day of filming and I’d hang out with these cool guys any day. However, they may have a different opinion. The kids had recently recovered from The Plague and obviously our house was still germ-infested because the day after our taping, poor J.D. was leveled flat on his back from the illness.

Welcome to my life.

Fast-forward to New York City and we were delighted that Zoran and Casey stopped by to visit us, along with the editor (middle) who had put together our two-minute package after wading through hours of pumpkin footage.

I know they’re not supposed to play favorites but The Pumpkin Man was the only contestant he was dying to meet.

From there, we did our run-through. Here is Jamie with our competition.
To look at them, you’d never know all three were dysfunctional enough to air their dirty laundry on national television.

We spent a lot of time in The Green Room shooting the breeze with the producers and the other couples.
I was relieved that the Green Room was, in actuality, green.

There was a huge spread of food but these cupcakes were my favorites.

For obvious reasons.

I had a grand ol’ time in the hair-and-makeup room but was delighted when our primpers followed us around to give us much-needed touch-ups before our appearance.

I could get used to all the fussin’.

Because it was the final day of taping, we were lucky enough to meet the entire Marriage Ref crew prior to the wrap party. I was asked to take a picture of the group that will inevitably go down in NBC’s hallowed archives.

Just don’t tell any of those broadcast professionals my picture was blurry.

Tune in tomorrow to learn about the exciting lead-up to our appearance that was directly related to me and involved a woman and an ambulance.

Filed Under: Humor, Marriage Ref

Who Was the “Rightest of the Right?” Find Out on our June 26 “Marriage Ref” Appearance!

June 20, 2011 by Amber

It is official: My husband Jamie and I will be appearing on the premiere of NBC’s The Marriage Ref on Sunday, June 26, 2011 at 9 p.m. MST.

If you’re not familiar with this Jerry Seinfeld-produced comedy, real couples with funny disputes appear in-studio in front of a panel of celebrity judges where they chose a winner. At the end of each episode, the studio audience votes to make one of the winners “The Rightest of The Right.” That person will receive $25,000 and their very own billboard, in their hometown, declaring they are right.

Of course, I cannot disclose the outcome (something to do with NBC’s 800-page legal contract) but I am thrilled to give you a behind-the-scenes look at appearing on this hilarious network show to debate (what else?): My husband’s obsession with growing The Great Pumpkin (background information is here if you’re just tuning in).

The Auditions
I first heard that the Marriage Ref was holding auditions in Denver for funny couples with quirky disputes on the radio. I wrote about our experience at Battling It Out at Denver’s Marriage Ref Auditions but suffice it to say, we nailed the audition. A 1,000-pound gourd is nothing, if not quirky.

The Whirlwind
Denver was the final city in the Marriage Ref’s nationwide audition tour so things happened quickly after that. Our main obstacle was we needed The Great Pumpkin as a backdrop for when an NBC film crew came to Denver to film us. Pumpkin season was over and our rotting gourd was oozing its guts on our driveway. A casting director told us it would be fine to film some video with our Flip camera and so we did just that before destroying the pumpkin.

Then, a producer told us otherwise. “If there is no giant pumpkin, there is no show,” he told us. So my panicked husband solicited his buddies in The Rocky Mountain Giant Vegetable Growers Group (nope, not kidding about the name) and he was able to unearth a giant pumpkin that had not yet been destroyed. The only problem is it was significantly smaller than his own.

While I was dreading that the camera adds 20 pounds, Jamie was praying the camera added an extra 200 pounds to his pumpkin.

The Denver Filming
After piles of paperwork, interviews with NBC’s legal department, background checks and even a live session with NBC’s psychiatrist (who somehow deemed us mentally competent), we were given the green light. Producers Zoran, Casey and cameraman J.D. flew to Denver and spent an entire day filming us. We went through every imaginable scenario: We started lovey-dovey talking about our courtship. As the day went on, the discussion grew more humorous and passionate about the big, orange wedge between us.

At day’s end, even The Pumpkin Man tired of talking pumpkins and we braced ourselves for the two-minute package that would be pulled together from 12 hours of filming.

Appearing on The Marriage Ref
In early-December, we learned we would be flying to New York City to appear on the final episode with (in my opinion) the very best celebrities of the season: Jerry Seinfeld, Ricky Gervais and Julianne Moore. On filming day, a wardrobe crew met us at the hotel to review our clothing choices. At noon, we met the two other couples appearing on the Marriage Ref with us and took a shuttle to NBC’s studios. We were encouraged to talk freely with them but not to disclose “our issues.”

Kinda tough when you’re drowning in them.

We were greeted with fanfare. Because ours was the final taping, the entire crew had assembled for a wrap party that evening. I knew I was in trouble when staffers singled out The Pumpkin Man, saying they expected great things from him. One even treated him like a celebrity, asking him for seeds.

That afternoon, we hung out in the Green Room, ate a lot of food, did a walk-through in the studio, posed for pictures, got outfitted in Wardrobe and had an extreme makeover in the make-up/hair room. We felt like royalty as a producer followed us around, tending to our every need.

And then came showtime. We were the second couple to appear (though the Marriage Ref may switch around the actual order). Anxieties were high with Jamie but I was surprisingly calm, likely due to the fact I had already stressed out when I appeared on Fox Network’s morning show, Fox and Friends a few months earlier.

As we waited backstage for our queue, we could hear the host Tom Papa riling up the crowd, “Alright everyone. WHO WANTS TO MEET THE PUMPKIN MAN?!”

The crowd went wild as we stepped onto the stage with blinding lights and electric air. We somehow made it to our seats without tripping and after we got settled, we looked up and there they were: Legends Jerry Seinfeld, Ricky Gervais and Julianne Moore sitting across from us as if we were having a casual chat in our living room.

Only this was no casual chat. We were surrounded by a studio audience and on Sunday, June 26, millions of North Americans will be tuning in to learn our fate. As aforementioned, I cannot disclose who won the $25,000 but each couple was given a Second Honeymoon to the Dominican Republic for participating.

After what unfolds on Sunday night, we’re gonna need it.

=======

Also, don’t miss The Marriage Ref: In Pictures and my exciting mishaps during my wardrobe fitting in The Ambulance, The Woman and The Wardrobe.

This was was originally published at MileHighMamas.com.

Filed Under: Humor, Marriage, Marriage Ref, pumpkins

Jamie’s Sub-par Father’s Day

June 19, 2011 by Amber

This weekend, our family did a road-trip to the mountains where we biked and pigged out at the Frisco Barbecue Challenge (more on that later). We fed Jamie his favorite breakfast (gingerbread pancakes with fresh apple marmalade) in bed. We showered him with homemade gifts. The dads had delicious pies at church. Really, our Father’s Day weekend would have been perfect.

If only the children hadn’t been invited.

Child #1: The Firstborn’s Death Attempt

One of my favorite places on earth to bike is around Dillon Reservoir, 70 miles west of Denver. We parked our car at the Frisco Adventure Park and rode the roller-coaster trail around the perimeter of the lake. I lagged back with Bode as Hadley surged forward on her new mountain bike with Jamie closely tailing her.

As Bode and I rounded the corner, we happened upon a curious scene: Jamie splattered on the bridge, his face lobster-red. As it turns out, Jamie had called out to Hadley, “Watch for the people on the trail,” which she loosely translated to say, “STOP, NOW!”

She gets her listening skills from me.

So Hadley slammed on her brakes and Jamie, in an attempt to avoid slamming into her, veered to the side, slammed on his brake and flipped over the handlebars, injuring the entire right side of his body (he has the scrapes and bruises to prove it).

Sensitive soul that she is, Hadley started to laugh that she had never seen him wipe-out before but after taking one look at the steam coming out of his ears, decided sympathy was the answer.

And that is why she is still alive today.

Child #2: The Second Born’s Lack of Love

For Father’s Day, we dined in our formal dining room and ate grilled rib-eye steaks, scrumptious berries, roasted garlic potatoes, fresh Lion House rolls and a variety of Ben ‘n Jerry ice creams.

Me: “I think we should go around the table and say one thing we love about Daddy!”

Hadley: “I love that he takes care of us.”

Me: “How does he take care of you?”

Hadley: “He works really hard so we can have nice things.”

Me: “Bode, what are you grateful for?”

Bode: “I love that Daddy takes care of us.”

Hadley: “I already said that. You need to think of something else you love about Daddy.”

Insert long, pregnant pause with Bode deep in thought. Then finally:

Bode: “That’s all I got.”

Happy Father’s Day, indeed.

Filed Under: Bode, Hadley, Humor, Jamie

The Good Ol’ Boys of Pumpkin Growing

June 16, 2011 by Amber

Even though Jamie and I both work from home and do most of our pursuits together, we have very distinct divisions. He does not interfere with my blogging and I have never ever delved into BigPumpkins.com.

No, it’s not p*rn.

But it certainly sounds like it.

Bigpumpkins.com is the online good ol’ boys club for pumpkin growers. On the forums, they discuss everything from “Vine Attack” to “How Much Mycco?” (and yes, these are actual discussion topics). Though it certainly ain’t my cup ‘o tea, I’m all for Jamie ~~getting it out of his system~~ bonding with his boys.

When Jamie and I first saw The Marriage Ref commercial on NBC with our faces on it (see it here), I had a couple of thoughts. My first was, “Wow, that was trippy!” and my second thought was, “I wonder what Jamie’s buddies are saying about all this?

And so I turned to BigPumpkins.com. I knew Jamie had posted something about the show and our air date. While most of the comments were supportive, two made me Laugh. Out. Loud.

My wife and I will be watching…this hits home in a big way. I grew two pumpkins last year and my wife called them Precious I and Precious II. It was my first year growing big pumpkins. I have two more plants in the ground right now and they are doing great. However this year I am trying hard to make life a little easier and less time consuming in the patch. Life is a balancing act.

A pumpkin dude who actually believes in balance? I didn’t think that existed. And, possibly my favorite posting:

What happens if they side with the wife? We’re doomed!

Say your prayers, Pumpkin Boys.

Filed Under: Humor, pumpkins

Death-defying Pumpkin Experiences

June 15, 2011 by Amber

Jamie spent several days on a business trip to Florida a few weeks ago. I encouraged him to go but it wasn’t until I realized I would be in charge of his pumpkin patch that I started having second thoughts.

If you’re just tuning in, my husband is obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. So obsessed, in fact, that we will soon be appearing on a major television network talking about it. All winter long, he had a makeshift grow room in our basement for his seedlings and transported them outside a couple of weeks ago because they were busting out of their pots.

No pun intended. I assure you the grow room is (mostly) honorable.

Because it is still cold at night, he built temporary wooden hoop houses to shield them from the elements. Every morning, he opens up the hoop houses and every evening, he closes them down while carefully monitoring the temperature of their heaters with his bedside thermometer.

That is another blog post unto itself.

He gave me very detailed instructions on caring for the plants, mostly pertaining to opening and closing the hoop houses. It seems like a simple task but any negligence on my part could be terminal: If I forgot to close the hoop houses at night and adjust the heater, the pumpkins would freeze to death. If I failed to turn off the heater and open them at just the right time the next morning, they would roast.

That’s a lot of pressure for an amnesic Pumpkin Wife.

Jamie grows his pumpkins on our neighbor’s lot and since I’m not keen on hopping two fences, I drove around the block my first morning on the job. I started to get out of the car with my 4-year-old son Bode when I noticed our neighbor’s dogs–a vicious-looking rottweiler and an ivory version of Cujo–ready to make us into mincemeat.

I was not told the pumpkin business was a matter of life and death.

I panicked and raced around to our neighbor’s house but no one was home. Even though I was late for a meeting, I knew I couldn’t leave the overheated pumpkins to melt in a scene reminiscent of the Nazis in the Raiders of the Lost Ark. With new resolve, I drove back around to the patch and I announced to Bode, “Let’s say a little prayer for the dogs to leave.”

I’d like to say it was one of those immortal prayers, much like when Jesus introduced the Lord’s Prayer, but it was more along the lines of, “Please make the bad dogs go away.”

But you know what? Those dogs slunked off not even 10 seconds after my desperate appeal. From Bode’s reaction, you’d have thought I parted the Red Sea and he would later compare the whole ordeal unto Daniel and the Lion’s Den.

I prefer to call it the Parable of the Pumpkin Patch.

Filed Under: Bode, Humor, pumpkins

The act of juggling

June 15, 2011 by Amber

Yes, I’m still alive. It is just the busiest week of our summer as we juggle Haddie’s art camp, Bode’s sports camp, and church and work meetings.

Who said summer was about R&R?

We had quite the week with a summer party in our backyard with neighbors.

Judging from the face of Bode’s bestie, the Fudgesicles were a hit.

As was the 6-mile mountain bike ride as Haddie finally conquered her new mountain bike.

The kiddos were the guests of honor at the inauguration at the Children’s Museum of Denver’s new interactive science exhibit 3, 2, 1…Blast Off (see my review here).

Not to be forgotten was hitting Water World on Wednesday. If you’ve never been to the nation’s biggest and baddest waterpark with 46 water adventures, you’re missing out. This was our best visit ever.

Disclaimer: The first time we went three years ago, baby Bode almost drowned when he fell off the ledge of the lazy river and I dove in after him, tubes flailing everywhere. For my second Water World experience, my friends’ teen-agers dragged me on every suicidal ride in the park–moderately traumatic for a water hater like myself.

Picnics are welcome, however, all beverage containers must be factory sealed. I did not know this and brought along my trusty CamelBak water bottle. Upon inspecting my bag, the worker told me I’d need to dispose of my water. After obliging, I queried “But my firearms are OK, right?”

And yes, such joking would’ve gotten me arrested at the airport.

Once inside the park, we met with a few other Mile High Mamas and their kiddos. Mine were in their element, “It’s like we’re on vacation!” Haddie squealed and she was correct. We were fortunate to chose a day with beautiful weather and minimal crowds.

We were repeatedly told to ride the most popular ride in the park–Voyage to the Center of the Earth–before it got to busy so we high-tailed over there. The problem is this quarter-mile-long plunge into a dark vortex with frightening dinosaurs was a bit too much for my kiddos.

OK, who am I fooling. And for me.

Note to self: Don’t do the scariest ride first.

In the end, the trauma was forgotten and we all had a blast.

Water and all.

Filed Under: Colorado, Humor

Bode’s Big Day and Jamie’s Bad Night

June 9, 2011 by Amber

Bode had a big day a few weeks ago. It was his first field trip ever with his preschool class to see the musical Billy the Kid at Heritage Square. He was practically bouncing off the walls and was most excited about riding his first yellow school bus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, the anti-climax.

But miraculously, everything lived up to his expectations and he was elated when I retrieved him after school. To keep the party going, I took him to McDonald’s for lunch where he ran into a few of his preschool buddies and played with them for a couple of hours.

That night, he and Jamie went on a father-son camp-out with the Scouts from our ward. Last year when they did a similar getaway, Haddie and I had a Girl’s Night In and rented Beverly Hill Chihuahua. This year was one step up and we rented Scooby Doo: Camp Scare.

Next year, I hope to introduce her to chick flicks, ice cream and Kleenex for the ultimate in girl bonding.

Bode and Jamie had a blast. The church owns property at Lookout Mountain, just 20 minutes outside of town. It was the ultimate in male bonding as Bode joined in the fun and played baseball, capture the flag and tag.

“At one point, the firefighters showed up and Bode got to talk with them and the policeman!” Jamie told me when they arrived home.

I figured it had to be some impressive merit badge to get that many public servants to their campsite.

“Naw,” Jamie continued. “It’s because they started a fire in the enclosed fire pit and there is a ban because of all the wildfires Colorado has been having.”

Scouts may have honor but no one ever said they were smart.

“And another thing,” Jamie worried divulged. “I think Bode may be a bit light in his loafers.”
“Why would you say that?” I queried.

As Jamie tucked Bode into his sleeping bag that night, Bode said:

“This was fun tonight but do you know what is better than camping?”
“What, Bode?”
“Musicals.”

Filed Under: Bode, Humor, Jamie

And our big announcement?

June 8, 2011 by Amber

Jamie and I will be appearing on the premiere of NBC’s Marriage Ref on June 26!!!!!!

The week leading up to our big debut, I will be posting about all the behind-the-scenes action of our trip to New York City to film the Marriage Ref back in December.

For additional information, check-out Jamie’s blog DenverPumpkins.com and “friend” The Pumpkin Man on Facebook.

Once this guy has a national audience, there’s no turning back on his obsession.

Pray for me.

Filed Under: Marriage Ref, pumpkins

Bike, Hike or Bust As We Stroll Down My Memory Lane of Misadventures

June 7, 2011 by Amber

One of my favorite parts of our daily routine is going for family bike rides. However as Hadley struggled up the hill to our house last week, I noticed her bike is so small that her knees were practically in her chest (no small feat for a girl who inherited her father’s lack of flexibility).

I resolved to get her a new bike but there was a problem: We didn’t have the money and so I started surveying our house to see what I could sell. We got rid of most of our baby items but for sentimental reasons I have been holding onto two of them: Our beloved REI Baby Carrier Backpack and our Double Chariot Jogger/Bike Trailer, the Rolls-Royce of strollers.

These two items were our vehicles for adventure during my kids’ formative years and I have been strolling down memory lane as I part with them. There were the hundreds of hikes I did with both kids in the backpack.

(Hadley at White Ranch Open Space Park)

(Bode in Eldorado Canyon State Park)

Our marathon ride to Breckenridge with the Chariot bike trailer that almost did us in.

My crazy idea to snow hike with the kids in the Chariot at Chautauqua.
My Dumb-and-dumber attempt to haul both kids all the way to Golden.

Or the near-nervous breakdown it caused in Canada.

I sold the Chariot for $300 and in addition to purchasing some household items, I was thrilled to buy Hadley a kick-butt Specialized mountain bike with shocks yesterday. I’d like to say she effortlessly adjusted to her new bike but remember It’s Like Learning How to Not Kill Your Child As She Learns to Ride a Bike that detailed the travails of teaching her?

This was that bad and worse as she freaked out about being unable to reach the ground.

In retrospect, we should have lowered the seat.

As she lamented about her tough life, we were privy to a rather disturbing glimpse at Jamie’s.

“You know what I rode for TWO YEARS AFTER MY BIKE WAS STOLEN? THE CACTUS FLOWER!” he bellowed. “Yes, that’s right. We were so poor I had to ride my sister’s yellow bike with a white basket and daisies emblazed across it as my buddies rode $500 Redlines.”

We all have our moments of childhood trauma and judging from this list of misadventures, my kiddos will have a good share of their own.

Filed Under: Family, Favorite Posts, hiking, Humor, Jamie, outdoors

Sweet Sabbath Day Solutions

June 5, 2011 by Amber

It’s hot in Denver. Really hot. 95-degree weather is something I’d anticipate in July but not early-June.

Hence the reason why the kids and I will be spending most of next month in gloriously cooler Canada.

In this kind of weather, I make myself scarce. I wake up early to play outside and hunker down with my air-conditioner in the sweltering afternoon. Today is one of those days but it’s also Sunday. As a family rule and part of our faith, we try our darnedest to “keep the Sabbath day holy.” This is a matter of interpretation but for us, we try to spend time as a family. We avoid sporting events, uproarious activities and shopping and instead focus on bettering ourselves and those around us.

And napping. I luuuuuuv my Sunday nap.

We look forward to this “day off from our labors” and it truly is a wonderful time to rejuvenate and refocus our attentions on our family.

Unless it’s really hot and your husband turns on the sprinklers to water the lawn. Moments later, I heard Hadley bolt up the stairs. Now, let me preface this by saying what Haddie requested is in that gray area of Sabbath worship but I knew it would ultimately lead to other requests not in line with how we spend our day.

“Mommy, can we change into our swimsuits and race around in the sprinklers?”

“I don’t know, Hadley. Do you think that’s a very appropriate activity for the Sabbath?”

“I have an idea! We can sing church songs as we do it!”

Filed Under: Hadley, Humor, LDS