Utah Mom Blog & Mommy Blogger | Life Elevated Mom

Postcards from the Edge [of the Pumpkin Patch]

August 21, 2008 by Amber

For those not in the know, I am married to a man who is obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. When not traveling, our summer has been consumed by this orange monstrosity that currently weighs almost 400 lbs and gains 20-30 pounds a day.

Jamie documents its growth on his goofy pumpkin blog,which sort of gets my juices flowing in a weird sort of way.

Especially when he talks about Chlorothalonil fungicide.

But make no mistake, this obsession comes at a price and the cost is a husband who obsessively charts its growth. Who is always online looking for fertilizers. And a man who lives at his parent’s house every evening to provide Dillboy (yes, he named it) with TLC.

Just why is he growing Dillboy at his parent’s house? Because we do not have room to house the orange monstrosity’s vines that measure about 24 X 30 feet.

Instead, he is schooling Hadley on the Fine Art of Pumpkin Growing and her “little” 100+ pounder is taking over a corner of our yard.

Four weeks ago, I staged an intervention. I was sitting on his parent’s deck when he came home from work, breezed past me without a glance and proceeded to tend to his pumpkin for the next 20 minutes. After he finally acknowledged my existence, I blubbered, “You didn’t even say ‘hi’ to me first!”

Note to self: do not stage an intervention when you are PMSing and hormonal. The pumpkin will come out looking better than you.

Jamie has opted not to enter it in our town’s harvest festival, leaving all the glory to Hadley who he hopes will win the children’s division. Rather, he will be at Colorado’s largest competition against The Big Boys–those men whose wives have been suffering from the obsession for years.

I knew it had truly gotten out of hand a month ago. When I was in Canada with the children, I left pictures of us with little notes about how much we loved and missed him all around the house.

A week later, I went to San Francisco for BlogHer. And what was on our headboard upon my return?

‘Nuff said.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

TWITTERpated at last!

August 19, 2008 by Amber

Despite the fact that I am Madame Mommy Blogger I must admit that I am resistant to new technologies. I have never sent a text message in my life and the only reason I bought a cheap cell phone last year was so Hadley’s preschool could reach me in case of an emergency. I use it only a few times a month.

But not to text (see above).

My reluctance to get a cell phone was two-fold:

1) I despise talking on the phone. Always have, always will. I am remiss to say I have let friendships go to the wayside because these people wanted to [gasp] talk and not email.

2) I don’t want to be disturbed when I’m out with my kids. I constantly feel distracted when I am at home so when I am out with Haddie and Bode, I give them my undivided attention. I just don’t want to be that person ignoring them on the playground because I’m checking my email. I do that plenty enough at home. 🙂

Enter: the iPhone 3G. Jamie bought one and offered to do the same for me. I indignantly refused. Until I fell in love with his on our trip. I am still holding strong with my piece-of-crap Nokia and keep reminding myself if I got the 3G, I would have to actually use it.

Twitterpated

Though I am still holding strong against the cell phones and Crackberries of the world, I finally caved on twittering last weekend.

For those as clueless as me, Twitter is a free social networking micro-blogging service that allows its users to send and read other users’ updates (otherwise known as tweets), which are text-based posts of up to 140 characters in length.

Twitting was The Thing To Do at BlogHer. I resisted because it seemed like a royal waste of time. It probably still is but now that I have jumped on the bandwagon, I’m kind of enjoying it because:

1) I can keep apprised of people’s day-to-day happenings in short little bursts. It is much more convenient than blogging in this respect and takes less time. In fact, I encourage all my friends to come on-board (whether or not you have a blog.)

2) I finally found a venue for all those small profundities of my day. The cow that chased off the bear in Colorado? Twittered it. And when I dreamt hunky hubby was a murderer? Definitely tweet worthy.

So, come check it out. I can be found at http://twitter.com/themilehighmama or on my blog’s right-hand sidebar. I’m a newbie at this so let me know if you’re on Twitter, too! And for those veterans, please send me any tips of the trade. And make sure to tune in for my tirades.

In 140 characters or less, of course….

So, what’s your pleasure? Twitter? Blog? Cell phone? Texting? This is a technological conFESSional so let’s fess up!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

To Yellowstone…and Beyond!

August 14, 2008 by Amber

In honor of my Western movie lovin’ Grandpa Wilde, I shall dedicate this post about our vacation unto one of his favorite films: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

The Good: Staying at our brother-in-law’s cabin in Island Park on the Snake River. Paddling the children to get huckleberry ice cream at Henry’s Fork Landing in our inflatable kayaks.

The Bad: The 7-mile hike to Fairy Falls in Yellowstone pushing the children in the Chariot (which performed marvelously as opposed to our Canadian travails). Then carrying the Chariot over the marsh. Then lugging the children…and the Chariot those final miles.

The Ugly: The revelation that your husband bears an unsettling resemblance to a buffalo in Jackson, WY.

The Good: Watching the kids marvel at Old Faithful, finding a hole-in-the-wall BBQ joint and a fantastic playmill theatre in West Yellowstone.

The Bad: Wandering around West Yellowstone searching for stye medicine.

The Ugly: Finishing Breaking Dawn, only to accuse Hunky Hubby of no longer giving me the kind of vampire love that Edward gives Bella. This spurred his amorous attack that resulted in a bloody and swollen lip. Evidently, human love bites.

The Good: Visiting one of my dearest friends, Jason in Rexburg and reminiscing about the good ol’ days. Chuckling at the fruits of his bachelorhood, which consisted of five dirt bikes in his garage.

The Bad: Hadley getting a scratch on her foot and becoming inconsolable for the rest of the visit.

The Ugly: Attempting to take this picture.

The Good: Hiking mind-numbingly beautiful Jenny Lake outside of Jackson. Without the Chariot but with Sherpa Uncle Chris.

The Bad: This conversation whilst driving through Island Park–

Jamie: Better keep your eye out for some Monopolies going across the road!
Me: Huh?
Jamie: That sign. It said “Game Crossing.”

The Ugly: Missing the pinnacle event of the whole trip while I was back at the cabin with napping Bode. My MIL Linda walked across the dock and she lost her balance. And then time was suspended as this woman–the very epitome of class and grace–landed face-first, spread eagle in the river. Her humiliation was rewarded by her insolent children who were on the ground in hysterics.

I only wish I had been there to show this great matriarch of our family the respect that she deserved.

You know. By taking pictures.

To Utah…and Beyond!

August 12, 2008 by Amber

I have officially overdosed on travel. Well, at least until the next trip (which fortunately for me is at least five days away).

Truth be told, I was tired of traveling after my back-to-back Canada and San Francisco fiascoes, only to have to hop in the car a week later and take a huge chunk out of the Western United States.

So, how was it? Exhausting and fun, with an emphasis on the former. And how did the children do after 35+ hours in the car? Amazingly well. Rest assured, the majority of tantrums were thrown by me.

Leg 1 of the trip was a stop in Utah a few days early with the kids and my MIL. I have not been back to Salt Lake City for a few years and I was overwhelmed with love for this great city and my many wonderful memories.

The itinerary? Played in Seven Canyons Fountain with Lori and Co.

Solo hiked Albian Basin at dawn, hung out at Snowbird’s Cliff Spa with former roommmate Kristy (a.k.a. She Who Inspired Me to Start a Blog) and took in the resort’s Rock and Blues Festival.

Admired the crimson sunsets over the Great Salt Lake every night.

Splashed around in Parley’s Creek at Sugar House Park, my old haunting ground.

And last but certainly not least: gorged on The Dodo’s turkey sandwich with secret BBQ sauce (I am a recovering addict) and Cafe Rio’s chicken taco salad. Is The Love of a Salad a good enough reason to move back? Because if it is, I am there.

We stayed with Jamie’s uncle who is the publisher of the city’s newspaper. He and his wife were gracious hosts but picking up after my freeloadin’ children in their museum-of-a-mansion was more upkeep than I am used to in a ~~day~~ year.

But something was unsettling to me. I knew their rug was strangely familiar.

And I just couldn’t place where I had seen something similar….

Until I arrived home.

Join me next time for To Yellowstone…and Beyond and additional confirmation that I am a true blonde.

Filed Under: Family, Family travel, Humor, travel

This Mommy Blogger’s Love Affair With the Olympics…and JumboTron!

August 11, 2008 by Amber

Am I still alive?

Inquiring minds want to know why I have been MIA the past couple of weeks. It is not due to a lack of love (I really have missed you!) but the fact that we returned last night from a road trip that consisted of 35+ hours in the car with The Offspring where we covered five states.

Details will be forthcoming but for now, I am buried under the laundry pile, have an empty refrigerator and rumor has it preschool starts tomorrow. Translation: I have a few things on my plate. Well, except for food and that is why grocery shopping is at the top of my list today.

That, and getting caught up on the Olympics. Speaking of which….

In my long, illustrious life, I have been privileged to live in two Olympic cities: Calgary and Salt Lake City. I was only 16 when the Olympics came to my hometown but old enough to attend many of the events. In the evenings, my friends and I would head down to the Olympic Plaza for the medals ceremony and hang with folks from all over the world. I still remember how cool we thought it was to get hit on by drunken Europeans (we obviously didn’t get out much back in those days.)

In 2002, I was living in Salt Lake City when the Olympics arrived. For my birthday, my friend Dave suggested we try to scalp some hockey tickets for the Canada vs. Finland quarterfinals. For those Americans out there who have blocked this out: Canada swept the hockey golds that year, so this was a big game. Well at least it was for me.

It was the ultimate Olympic experience and worth every expensive penny we paid. I was shocked at our seats. We were right behind the goal-line and mere rows away from The First Family. Noooo, not those Bushes but the First Family of Hockey–the Gretzky’s! I was in maple-leaf HEAVEN!

Now, one would think this night could not get better but I assure you that it did. But at a huge cost.

We quickly made friends with the couple sitting next to us. I got a kick out of the man’s outfit: he had a Canadian maple-leaf shaped hat, a Canadian jersey and was wearing a Canadian flag. I felt an immediate bond to him and asked where in the Motherland he was from and chuckled at his reply: Oregon. I guess if you can’t beat us, join us….

All was going smoothly and I was behaving rather well. However, I cannot vouch for the other rowdy Canucks around us. Dave commented that Canadians and beer don’t mix. I didn’t have the heart to tell him how out of hand they USUALLY get when drinking beer that actually exceeds Utah’s 0.000001% alcohol content.

So anyway, back to how I was behaving so well. It all came crumbling down in an instant. We were cheering with the crowd when, looming high above us, I caught a glimpse at the JumboTron. And a very familiar and goofy-looking guy with a maple-leaf hat. And without thinking, without hesitation, without guile, I, welp, dive-bombed into my neighbor’s lap and was broadcast for all to see.

And I was a hit! I’d say I would have been awarded at least a 5.8 for my dive and the audience’s cheers and cat calls would’ve won me the gold for sure.

And then Canada went on to win the game–the perfect end to a near-perfect evening. Really, the only downer was the butt-whooping I received from Mr. Maple Leaf’s jealous wife after jumping in his lap. “Canadian hussy,” she called me. The nerve. Some people just don’t understand the price of fame.

Filed Under: Canada, Humor

Basement bartering (with a 2 year old’s reasoning)

August 6, 2008 by Amber

Thanks to the thoughtful severance package Jamie received when his former employers kicked his booty out the door, we finally have enough money to finish our basement. Or at least we thought we did until a little thing called a new car put a minor dent in it.

And if it was possible for Jamie to think about something more than pumpkins, this may be it.

We only have a half-basement so are trying to make good use of the space. This space will be a Man’s Mecca and include a home entertainment center with a projector HDTV and we will finally have a home for Jamie’s old-fashioned soda fountain that has been sitting in our garage for TWO STINKIN’ YEARS.

We hired a big, hunky contractor from the local LDS Single’s Ward, which made Jamie a bit nervous.

“I don’t know how I feel about you being home alone all day with such a good looking guy.”

What I wanted to say:

“Oh, you mean that Greek God whose chest is as broad as Bode is tall?”

What I did say:

“Don’t be ridiculous, Honey. He is a mere child.”

The ~~Greek God~~ mere child will be dry walling this week so we have been in the throes of paint and carpet swatches, along with furniture shopping. Overall, Jamie has great taste so I am pretty much letting him do what he wants. I figure it will be nice for him to finally find a home for all those framed baseball cards and Norman Rockwell posters I banned from the rest of the house.

Generous of me, non?

During a recent phone conversation, he mentioned he had bought a popcorn painting for the home theatre room.

“Is that OK, Amber?”

“Whatever you want, Jamie.”

“No, I want you to be a part of it all!”

“Is that why you just bought the picture without consulting me?”

“BUT I WANTED IT!!!!!….”

Filed Under: Uncategorized

When you are not instintively maternal

August 4, 2008 by Amber

I have a good friend at boot camp, Linette. She is in her late-30s and is funny, sweet and successful. She also chose not to have children.

Now, for some women this is not puzzling to me because they are just not “kid people.” But Linette is a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) and selflessly helps children in need.

I finally asked her about it one day and she responded, “Even though I love kids, I just never felt that maternal instinct to have my own and I thought that was an important part of the process.”

I could relate. Ten years ago, having children was the last thing on my mind. And being Mormon where most women seem to be born breeders, I was an anomaly. I wanted a career. I wanted to travel. I did not want to be tied down. I find it ironic that the thing I spent the entirety of my 20s running away from is that which has brought me the most joy in my 30s.

But I have never been that woman to coo and paw over other people’s babies. Newborns in particular freaked me out and I have always felt more comfortable with older children. When Hurricane Hadley was born, Jamie and I anxiously gazed at her and simultaneously queried, “What now?” To make matters worse, she was a tough, colicky baby and though I loved her, I never really felt bonded to her for the longest time.

Jamie and I felt strongly we are supposed to have three children so when it came time to get pregnant, I did it without much enthusiasm (as opposed to Jamie who has always been gung-ho over the baby-making process. 🙂 The next 40 weeks were filled with some excitement yet mostly apprehension that I would give birth to another Hurricane who would level me as Hadley had.

But the moment Bode was born and they placed him in my arms, I felt it. That moment so many mothers talk about – when they instantly fall in love with their new baby and feel that bond. I remember thinking, “So this is what it is all about.”

We are on the precipice of getting pregnant again. Last week at church, I grabbed someone’s infant to play with him – something I rarely do. And as I gazed down at that slobbering face, those burgeoning cheeks and sumo arms, I felt it: that maternal instinct. For the first time, I felt absolutely overwhelmed that I wanted a final child.

As Jamie and I snuggled in bed that night, I relayed my experience to him.

“Well, congratulations Amber. It sounds like your maternal instinct is finally kicking in.”

“Yeah, and it only me took four years and two kids to get it!”

Filed Under: Family, issues

Depression Sucks

July 31, 2008 by Amber

Depression hurts.

At least that is what those ad campaigns for Cymbalta attest. In my experience, depression downright sucks.

I am fortunate I have never suffered from it. But people dear to me do and I am riding this roller-coaster to the greatest of lows with them. I feel helpless, I feel frustrated they cannot see their worth and I feel angry that so many people do not empathize with the desperation they feel.

And I want nothing more than to lift the fog that envelopes them to bring light back into their lives.

Why are so many moms in particular on anti-depressants? Is our job so overwhelming? Do we not have the resources to cope? Are we ashamed to admit we fall short? Do we give so much to our families that we do not have anything left for ourselves?

I don’t have the answers but my heart aches every time I talk to my dear friends who are struggling to find them.

At BlogHer, I met a pretty incredible woman whose spunk put me to shame. She has an incredible story to share of how, in the depths of depression, she tried to end her own life when she was seven months pregnant. She gave me permission to repost her story on Mile High Mamas today–a story that has haunted me since I read it.

Please go read. Comment. Share. And even if you are one of the fortunate souls who still has light in your life, please be empathetic and reach a hand out to those who are in darkness.

Read on

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Good news, bad news and reason #2,434 why you don’t want me as your neighbor

July 29, 2008 by Amber

“Amber, I have some good news and some bad news.”

“Oh no. What?”

“The good news is that annoying mouse is gone from our backyard.”

“Good? That’s GREAT? What’s the bad news?”

“A snake ate it.”

================================================

[Setting: A certain someone calls Hunky Hubby at work singing “Do you love me?” from Fiddler on the Roof.]

“What did you do, Amber?”

“I am offended you would assume the worst.”

“I know you too well.”

“If you must know, I have some good and bad news.”

“WHAT?”

“I was mowing the lawn for you and accidentally destroyed the sprinkler head. You know, the one on the small plot near the mailbox.”

“AMBER, THAT IS THE NEIGHBOR’S SPRINKLER HEAD!”

“Oh? Well, that must be the good news, then!”

==============================================

Just $1

Want to help bring someone some great news? My cute roommate Jill from BlogHer is fundraising for her marathon in November. She has committed to raising $3,500 for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and is asking for folks to donate just $1 (anonymously even). It’s kind of an experiment to see how quickly the kindness of strangers in the digital world can help raise the money. For more information, go here: http://jillwillrun.com/just-1/

Filed Under: Uncategorized

How a lemon car can teach you that your marital relations need some spice

July 28, 2008 by Amber

We bought a new car last week.

Before you send your congratulations, know that this was like those “Oops!” pregnancies and our purchase was unplanned. I am not quite sure how it happened; I wasn’t even ovulating at the time.

From the moment of ~~conception~~ purchase a few years ago, we have had problems with my husband Jamie’s Jetta. But the past month has been a non-stop stream of breakdowns. The car, not me. Mostly.

We had planned to trade it in next year but we were stressed about all the nickles, dimes and dollars we were pouring into its repairs. The worst part of all is the mechanic could not ascertain the problem.

And so we had a tough decision: sustenance for the children or a new car.

Please send food.

I have never made a huge decision so quickly. Well, with the exception of buying the first wedding dress I tried on and oh, can you please throw in that cute veil ASAP because I am late for my volleyball game? Or the fact that I was married within six months of meeting Jamie.

He gives me a hard time about the deluge of children’s items that flood my SUV but nothing could have prepared me for what we discovered when we cleaned out his car.

One could expect some fast-food wrappers.

Several discarded Google maps.

Or maybe a rotting food item…or twelve.

But what Jamie unearthed in the catacombs of his trunk rocked me to my core: an illustrated book entitled The Joy of Sensual Massage.

After drowning in a stupor of silence, I finally sputtered,

“Who gave you this this this this this PORNOGRAPHY?”

“You did. When we got married.”

Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, Marriage