Funeral plans are underway

October 9, 2008 By
I had planned to ditch the pumpkin talk and divulge my experiences with Salem’s witches. Don’t worry–that post will come. It’s just we are in crisis mode Chez Canuck. Forget the bailout, forget politics.

THE DEMISE OF THE GREAT PUMPKIN IS NEAR.

We have been storing The Great Pumpkin in the garage in an attempt to preserve it and planned to put it on display mid-October. Jamie would lovingly stroke it as he walked by and even played fun games like London Bridges.

But then things really did start to fall down as The Great Pumpkin started leaking on Tuesday. Big, orange gobs of greasy, grimy pumpkin guts. And once the leaking starts, so does the rotting.

That night, we resolved to put it on display before it met its demise. Have you ever tried to roll a 755-pound pumpkin? I hope to never do it again. Small children were almost caught in the crossfire and my back will never be the same.

It now has a new home on our driveway and has become our neighborhood’s most popular attraction. And that sign? I spent spent $30 of my Jamie’s hard-earned money to surprise him with it.

Because I am just that nice.

I like to sit hidden on the porch and watch passersby slow down to gawk. I am, however, having an adverse reaction to the whole thing. If someone drives by and does not stop to admire it, I get offended. Much the same as I felt when people would not gush over my cute babies.

Only now I am doing it for an orange monstrosity that I did not even give birth to.

And the saddest thing is Jamie’s obsession is actually making sense.

Actually, that is not the saddest thing. The saddest thing is The Great Pumpkin will not survive until Halloween and there will not be any pumpkin boat races. Nor will there be The Great Pumpkin stand. I admittedly planned to bake 5,000 loaves of pumpkin bread and have little Haddie sell them for me.

Because I am not above 1) capitalizing upon The Great Pumpkin and 2) exploiting my cute child in the process.

Though I cannot imagine the backlash if people had driven by and ignored both her and The Great Pumpkin.

So, here’s my question: how do we dispose of The Great Pumpkin when The End is Near? A great chainsaw massacre? BB gun? Axe? Great Pumpkin Smashing? And if we planned a party around its birth, do we do the same for its death?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Uncategorized

Mr. Lord of the Gourds Visits the Super Bowl of Pumpkin Weigh-offs

October 7, 2008 By

I love Boston.

If I could transport the Rocky Mountains to Massachusetts, I would move there tomorrow. Well, except that I cannot spell M-A-S-S-A-C-H-U- S-E-T-T-S without the help of spell-check.

Jamie and I just returned from Boston and everything about the area resonated with me: the ocean, the rocky crags, the explosion of trees, the locals who can’t say their Rs…all of it was so endearing and I wonder why it has taken me this long to visit.

My new obsession is vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard, Nantucket or Cape Code. If you have a vacation home on any of those islands, I will gladly take it off your hands for a week this summer.

Because I am generous like that.

For those just tuning in, I gave Jamie a trip to the Topsfield Fair for Father’s Day. This community outside of Boston hosts the oldest agricultural fair in the country (190 years old) and if you need a description, just think the Super Bowl.

But with really big, orange balls.


I could make fun of them all but do you know what? I got a kick out of the whole event. These people have giant pumpkin growing down to a science and watching Jamie meet his Pumpkin Idols was akin to watching Hadley score her first goal in soccer.

Should it ever happen.

When we first walked into the arena, the weigh-off was already underway. Jamie has been in correspondence with many of the growers on Bigpumpkins.com, a forum where guys talk about [what else?] pumpkins and the women who love them. Or hate them. It depends on the day.

Jamie was looking for one man in particular and walked up to a group to seek him out. One guy turned around and recognition struck Jamie like a smashing pumpkin: it was his idol Joe Justras who holds the world record for his 1,689-pound pumpkin. Loving wife that I am, I insisted they pose for a picture together.

Though it saddens me this will probably replace the family portrait in our living room.

Jamie spent the rest of the morning watching the weigh-off and meeting various pumpkin growers. They come from all walks of life: farmers, dentists, manufacturing engineers, mortgage brokers, and even the Mafia. Yes, you heard correctly. One man who is allegedly “cut from the same cloth as the Sopranos” showed up with his pumpkin a half hour after the entry deadline.

Funny how they still let him compete.

I thought I had seen everything until I stumbled upon this couple:


They seemed legit but I have learned the biggest con artists are those you least expect. And finding scalpers at a giant pumpkin weigh-off is certainly not expected.

The world record will likely be bested next weekend by Steve Connolly, whom we met at Topsfield. Even though Jamie and I were casual observers, we were still deemed noteworthy and were interviewed for the local newspaper.

I expect The New York Times to contact us any day for the follow-up.

========================================================

Tune in next time as we journey to Salem, the land of the witches, and find out how we relived one of When Harry Met Sally’s more memorable moments.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, outdoors, pumpkins, travel

Your Opinion: How do you handle problems at your children’s school?

October 6, 2008 By

I love teachers. I have many good friends who are teachers and out of all the professions on this earth, I think they are among the most praiseworthy.

But I am having problems with teachers.

Because of my admiration, I always thought I would be the Teacher’s Parent Pet. You know: that go-to person who volunteers at every opportunity and who is loved and adored by all.

It ain’t happening.

It started last year when a little thing called cocaine surfaced on the playground at my daughter’s preschool and parents were not informed. I only found out because I read about it in the Police Beat. My issue was not with the teachers but with the way the administrative staff handled it and I ruffled more than a few feathers. I still feel I was justified but in so doing, I became one of those parents in their eyes.

And I hate that.

Another issue surfaced last week when I drove by Starbucks with my daughter and her friend.

“That is where we get coffee every day!” Haddie announced.
“Who gets coffee?” I asked.
“At preschool. We have a Starbucks center where we get our morning coffee! It’s the only way to start our day!”

I am adamantly opposed to drinking coffee. I fully realize that millions of people are partakers of its caffeinated goodness but for religious and health reasons, my family refrains. And I try to teach my children the same principles.

I haven’t said anything to the teachers and probably won’t. I rationalize it’s not like a liquor store and most people don’t take issue with drinking coffee. Even so, it just seems inappropriate to teach 4 year olds that they cannot start their day without it.

Which brings me to my next point: Hadley will be entering kindergarten next year. The teacher is rumored to be a nightmare. She is close to retirement and taught older children most of her career before she got “dumped” in kindergarten. She is notoriously cruel, yells at the kids and I have several friends who have pulled their upset children from her classroom to attend another school.

Not exactly the way I want my daughter to begin her education.

Would you do anything? The school has an interim principal who is allegedly not willing to address the problem. Several parents at preschool are worried about it and proposed we write a letter but I am hesitant because I don’t want to start my daughter’s education by ruffling feathers at her new school.

And so my question to you is this: where is the line? I empathize that schools are trying to appease so many different backgrounds and belief systems and I know they put up with a lot. I want to show support but I also want what is best for my children. What conflicts/issues have surfaced with your children’s education and how did you handle them?

(Originally posted at Mile High Mamas).

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: issues

The Lord of the Gourd: A Q&A

October 2, 2008 By

Thank you for your overwhelming support for The Great Pumpkin. So many questions, so much sympathy re: my neglected status. I have been asked what our real garden is like and my answer? What garden? Jamie says the reason our garden did not flourish is due to a pesky vole.

I say the reason was the inordinate about of time spent on The Great Pumpkin.

Jamie could not keep up with all the great comments about his 755-pound beast so, for the first time ever, The Great Lord of the Gourds is making his first verbatim appearance on my blog. Join me in welcoming him as he answers some of your questions! (And please excuse the spacing issues on this post; evidently The Great Pumpkin even defies HTML regulations).

1) So did massive amount of Miracle Gro go into this bad boy or what’s the secret?

This pumpkin was grown completely organic, including the small boy up the street that it ate three weeks ago.It was sad to see the boy go but the pumpkin put on 40 pounds that day. Many growers will use MiracleGro and the like to grow giant pumpkins but most of the heavy hitters go completely organic so they can build up the soil and plant on the same spot year after year.

2) What are your plans for The Great Pumpkin?

We are going to cut a hole into the top of it like a Kayak, put it in a lake and paddle around.It is plenty big and buoyant enough to use it as a boat for an adult. Editor’s note: Dear Lord, please do not let The Great Pumpkin sink. I cannot bear to see a grown man cry.

3) How much pumpkin pie will that thing make? And pumpkin bread, cake.

Mmmmm. Love the pumpkin bread. Unfortunately, Dill’s Giant Atlantic variety pumpkins aren’t very good eating I’m told. Editor’s note: thank heavens for this response. Gutting and cooking up that pumpkin would be akin to life as a hunter’s wife.

4) Wow. I’m trying to imagine how much watering/care/etc. a giant pumpkin takes. And yard space!

This pumpkin plant was 30 feet wide by 30 feet long.The pumpkin didn’t fill the entire space but it did take a full 600 square feet of space.Once the plant was completely grown (about 1.5 months old) it was given about 2.5 inches of water per week.I usually tended to the plant about 30-60 minutes per day although Amber would tell you it was about
3-6 hours per day. Editor’s note: And Amber would be correct.

5) When I picture this whole thing in my mind …I just have to laugh. The great pumpkin? The whole pumpkin hobby? The planning of vacations and weekends around what else? Pumpkins! Expound.

Some call it obsession, others passion.Let’s be honest however. How many of us have planned our day around a television show(s) or other fruitless endeavors. At least mine produced some fruit. Actually a whole lot of it! lol

6) I will have to consult with your husband next
year. LONG have I wanted to grow pumpkins, but all three times I’ve tried the vines have sort of melted. Overwatering? General gardening lameness?

Melted?Hmmmm.I would say go to Denver Pumpkins and read what I did.If you start from the very first post you can get a blow by blow of the entire pumpkin season.If that doesn ’t work I’d suggest selling your hoe and giving your shovel a rest. Editor’s note: I’ve been called a lot of things but hoe is probably the most offensive.

7) I’m assuming conversation is going to turn to the new crop, it’s not to early to start planning, is it? What are next year’s plans?

Next years plans are for more pumpkins and a new patch.This year I grew at my parent’s house.That freaked them out the first half of the growing season so I am now going to be growing in the farmer’s field behind my house. Something about yelling at my mom for not throwing her body over the pumpkin plant, like a soldier throwing himself on a grenade, during the 2nd hail storm of the season didn’t sit very well with her (I think my parents actually started enjoying it as the season went on however because it is really kind of fun watching the monster grow).

I have already had a soil test done on the field and have started to purchase the proper amendments to make sure the soil is to world class levels next spring. In the coming weeks I will be adding 5 yards of manure and many pounds of organic fertilizers and minerals to the soil.Next year I will have 3 plants (one for the kids) which will allow me to push the pumpkins a little harder in the hopes of getting to 1,000 pounds. Editor’s note: Great. That means I have a one-week vacation before pumpkin season starts all over again.

8) This might be a stupid question, but when you cut open this giant pumpkin, are the seeds giant, or normal size seeds? Just curious. That’s a great family photo! Jamie doesn’t name the pumpkin does he?

Giant pumpkin seeds tend to be a little bigger than the regular pumpkin seeds. They usually have a harder shell too. This year’s pumpkin’s name is DillBoy. Howard Dill is the inventor of Dill’s Giant Atlantic pumpkin seeds that all of the top growers use for competition.He passed away in May due to cancer.The seed that I grew on actually came from Howard so I name the pumpkin DillBoy in honor of him. Editor’s note: it is sentimental talk like this that makes me worried the man will indeed bury me inside of a pumpkin. Lord, please don’t let me go
first.

9) My question for your interview with Linus (er, Jamie)…how lucky are you to have a wife who not only allows the growing of the Great Pumpkin…but also throws a party for said pumpkin?

I couldn ’t agree with you more.My good wife not only put up with the pumpkin growing, but early in the season surprised me for Father’s Day with a trip for the two of us toTopsfield, Salem and Boston so I could go to the granddaddy of big pumpkin weigh-offs in Topsfield, Massachusetts.

The pumpkin party was completely my idea however.She said more than once “Who is going to go to a pumpkin party? And what are people going to do at a pumpkin party?”My answer, “Stare at the pumpkin.”She just said “whatever” to my reply until it dawned on her that I had invited some of her friends to the party and they had actually accepted. Horror struck my Party Princess wife when she realized that I was serious!

In the end, when the party was all done and the 30-40 guests had all gone home with smiles on their faces that a giant pumpkin has a strange sort of power. We all grew up reading children’s books with abnormally sized objects (fruit, shoes, beanstalks, eggs, candy, vegetables).As a result we kind of think of the whole giant thing as kind of whimsical thing that is way outside of reality.When you see a giant pumpkin for the first time it so breaks the mold of our accepted reality that we have to stare at it in wonder. The typical question, “Is it real or is it fiberglass?” is understandable because the whole thing doesn’t make any sense.How could food be that big?It is like staring at a children’s story book come to life.But then you touch it and stare at it some more the whole thing slowly becomes wonderful because it is like a children’s story book come to life.What could be better than seven hundred pounds of wonderful food all in a single fruit!? Editor’s note: sniff. No comment. Maybe I am a sentimental pumpkin-lovin’ fool after all….

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: holidays, Humor, Jamie, pumpkins Tagged With:
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