A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of Crap

July 29, 2009 By

A note from The Lord of the Gourds regarding the outpouring of support for his now-dead pumpkin’s obituary:

THANK YOU.

Jamie had miraculously seen some signs of life even after the martyrdom but his dear pumpkins finally gave up the ghost yesterday and he cut them off the vine. (Click on the picture to see the extent of the hail-induced welts.)

If this was his pumpkin at only two weeks old, it’s a shame to imagine how big it would have grown a few months from now.

On a positive note, I am a pumpkin widow no more.

On a negative note, I now have a forlorned fella.

I just wish it could have ended differently along the lines of the Holy Ghost descending upon it and transfiguring it up to heaven.

No one wants to end this mortal existence by having the crap beaten out of you.

In other news, we have shifted from non-stop travel to being homebodies the next two weeks. The kids are enrolled in outdoor swim lessons.

During the only week it has been moderately chilly here in Denver this summer.

Hadley is doing great but I cannot stop laughing at Bode. He is a year younger and a foot shorter than everyone in his class. The first day, he followed along but had a “What the Crap” look on his face the entire time. Yesterday, he was “Chicken, Airplaning and Soldiering” with the best of them.


He is the albino on the right.

And I am the proud albino cheering him on from the sidelines.

Stay tuned next week for my updates on BlogHer and the Sara Lee Summit I attended in Chicago. Be sure to tell me how you’re spending the final weeks of summer!

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Jamie, pumpkins

R.I.P. Great Pumpkin

July 27, 2009 By

The unthinkable has happened: The Great Pumpkin never came.

Now, Jamie knows exactly how poor Linus felt in It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

There will be no pumpkin parties.

There will be no weigh-offs.

And I am officially calling off Halloween altogether because what’s the point?

Sniff.

This is the before:


And this is after the tornado that hit our house.


Read the sad details here and be sure to leave my dear, sweet Linus your condolences.

==============

Allow me to dispel a rumor: I did not cause the horrible storm that ravaged Denver last week.

A few so-called friends have accused me of praying it here so as to wipe out my husband’s pumpkin growing season. For those not in the know, I have been christened “The Pumpkin Widow” because I am married to a man who is obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin.

Or rather, a man who was obsessed because after Monday’s storm, I am sad to say that The Great Pumpkin is no more.

In my defense, my children and I were 65 miles away sunning ourselves on the deck at Devil’s Thumb Ranch.

Oh wait. The storm occurred at night. I think I just blew my alibi.

When I awoke the morning after, I was greeted with a series of increasingly despondent emails from my husband Jamie who had remained behind for work.

First, a picture of golf-ball-sized hail. Then another of our yard showing the accumulation. The final was the heart-breaker: his completely obliterated pumpkin patch. Hundreds of hours of soil-testing, fertilizer-obsessing that he lovingly documented on his pumpkin blog–gone in just a matter of minutes.

Our home was near the epicenter of the action and our entire yard was destroyed as well. Fortunately, our house was spared from major damage but many of our neighbors were not so lucky. My heart goes out to those who are still dealing with the aftermath.

Calm before the storm

Calm before the storm

Earlier that day, I had received a jubilant email from him stating that his pumpkin’s circumference was already 30 inches around, just two weeks after pollination. The Great Pumpkin was on the cusp of gaining 30-40 pounds per day and was on track to top 1,000 pounds (200 pounds more than his previous season).

Rest assured, The Great Pumpkin lived and died with greatness. And thus it was: The birth of a storm, the death of a dream.

With a moving obituary like that, you can’t say I wasn’t supportive.

Note: In lieu of flowers, please send pumpkin seeds. :-)

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Jamie, pumpkins

It’s PJ & Pancake PARRRRRTY Time!

July 21, 2009 By

For Bode’s 3rd birthday, I decided we would have a casual PJ & Pancake Party for a few neighborhood kids (photo is from his party invite). Eighteen people ended up attending.

Evidently, I do not do “casual” well.

In the end, it was unavoidable. The few kids he wanted to invite were young, too young for their parents to leave (or rather, too young for me to want to watch them by myself). So, I invited the parents who, in turn, needed to bring their older kids.

Hence the ripe ol’ #18.

That said, it was one of the most casual, easiest parties I have ever thrown and I am convinced that parents over-think, over-plan, over-obsess and over-spend. In the end, kids just want a few key ingredients.

1) Pancakes & all the fixings (and some fixings that should never have been considered on a pancake).

2) Friends in PJs

3) Simple entertainment such as:

Best “Bed Head” Winner, Gavin

A sauna (otherwise known as a bouncy castle on a hot day).

4) Cake. Or rather, panCAKE (made by the birthday boy himself).

5) The Free-for-all (also known as opening presents)

Not to mention bossy sisters who do it for you.

6) The post-party party. Instructions: Just make, like, saaaaay 100 extra pancakes and have them sitting in the kitchen. This will ignite children’s creativity.

Or deviance.

Funny, I never realized how much pancakes resemble Frisbees.

Trust my kids to notice.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Humor

Just when you thought you’d seen it all, the unthinkable happens

July 19, 2009 By

We have had a glorious summer of travel and fun. But for anyone who needs a recap of The Real Glimpse at Family Travel, look no further than this summary of our Tour de Colorado this summer:

Chautauqua–Our car would not start prior to departure. We jump-started it, only to have an electrical malfunction once in Boulder and could not get our car alarm to turn off.

The Broadmoor’s new cottages in Colorado Springs–My parent’s car died in the valet. We had to get it towed to the nearest dealership and then drive 3 hours round-trip to retrieve it a few days later.

Steamboat Springs–We went to the rodeo. Hadley conquered the ram scramble. We went to the car. Couldn’t find keys. Discovered them in the ignition with the car running. Locked. For the past three hours.

Last week, it was Crested Butte. Don’t you think after allllll the trauma, after all the hardships that I deserved “The Perfect Day?”

I finally got one.

Brace yourselves for this because it may never happen again. READ ON.

*Photo taken at Judd Falls outside of Crested Butte. Not the Perfect Day but pretty darn close.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Colorado, Family travel, travel

Happy Birthday to Bode Man!

July 15, 2009 By

Dear Bode,

I cannot believe you will turn 3 on Saturday! I feel like we’ve done a full circle, as we just returned from Crested Butte–the very place we christened you as we watched Bode Miller bomb out at the Olympics.

It could be worse. You could be named after the prostitute from “Forever Amber” like me.

What a wonderful year this has been. We feared a descent into the Terrible 2s but got a mostly jovial little guy who is so quirky, funny, intense and loving. Well, except for the last two weeks, which have been a preview of The Chemical Imbalance Known as the Traumatizing 3s.

But we won’t talk about all those tantrums today because Mommy is, well, traumatized.

You are like a little puppy. Mommy can leave for a only a few minutes but that moment of reuniting again? Sheer joy!

That, or your father claims you have early-onset Alzheimer’s.

Whenever you get excited about something you gasp with delight, reminding us that so many things we take for granted in this world should be deeply revered such as chocolate ice cream for dinner or four minutes of reprieve while your sister is sent to timeout.

You are a wonderfully loyal little thing. From the moment your Aunt Tammy bought Hadley a toy husky dog last summer in Jackson, WY you have loved Lolly. But it had to be from afar because Sissy took her everywhere. The moment Hadley left for preschool, Lolly was yours for a few hours. You took her everywhere: to the store and even on hikes. One day when we were hiking Red Rocks, we stopped to talk to some people on the trail. I encouraged you to say “hello” and you instead grabbed Lolly and howled “Ha-wooooo.”

Even better.

Fortunately, Hadley is fickle and her affections for Lolly subsided as soon as she got another pet toy but Lolly remains your most prized and treasured possession.

In May, Daddy took you on your first father-son camp-out. I died a little bit inside as I saw you pack up all your big-boy belongings for a night in the mountains with your father.

Then I died a lot more inside when Hadley made me rent Beverly Hills Chihuahua for our Girl’s Night In.

You know far more than any kid should ever know about pumpkins and love spending time at the patch. In fact, Daddy even caught you with the tape measure trying to ascertain the size of our butternut squash. If children learn by example, it is my nightly prayer you will not learn from his.

Your best buddy is neighbor Shawnie and why not? You are only one month apart in age, have the same sweet disposition and swap stories about your hormonal sisters.

That is boy bonding at its best.

One day when Shawnie was over, Mommy found you both in your closet sitting atop a huge pile of blankets as you fed him a contraband bowl of marshmallows and Crispex. On the next playdate at Shawnie’s, he cried when Daddy came to pick you up because there is nothing more sad than a Bode-less life.

Despite your occasional affinity to pink umbrellas, you are all boy in your pursuits. You play for hours in the sandbox with your trucks and with your “Choo-choo” track upstairs. You have been known to fight ’til the death if anyone dares to touch Gordon; Thomas is for woosies.

You are into guns. Mommy is not sure from whence this recent obsession came but after gunning everyone down with your straw, she finally bought you some waterguns. She quickly regretted his decision. Death by straw is considerably less wet than by a watergun.

You are such a sweet, calming influence in our lives. Even though you’re busy conquering your world, you still have time to snuggle. When Mommy was cutting your fingernails a couple of months ago you looked up at me and in the sweetest voice, begged me to “Be Gentelw.”

That melted Mommy’s heart whereas Daddy threatened to send you to Toughen Up School. He did, however, gain faith when you brazenly joined your sister in the ram scramble at the Steamboat rodeo. You wisely hung back because well, duh, who is stupid enough to try to grab a flag off a sheep’s butt while getting trampled by the preschooler peloton?

Of course you have been known for other occasional intellectual lapses but we won’t hold them against you.

The reason? They are called “blog fodder.”

Happy birthday and here’s to many more years of it!

Much love,

Mommy

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Humor

Could you survive a TV-less summer?

July 13, 2009 By

Our television recently died.

Well, six weeks, four days and 12 hours ago if you’re counting (which is what I thought my husband would do).

I know this would send many people into a panic but let me assure you we still have two other televisions–one in the basement and another tucked away in our bedroom. Both rarely get used due to their locations. The television in our family room had become as much a part of us as the family pet.

Except we don’t own any animals.

We did, however, feed our television daily. Sometimes several meals a day. We formed the habit of turning on the children’s cartoons as they ate breakfast. Out of laziness, it would sometimes remain on for a couple of hours as we went about our day. We would turn off the television for the often-insipid daytime programs but then would bring it back to life during our favorite Primetime shows.

We currently cannot afford to replace that television so discussed the possibility of bringing the television from our bedroom into the family room.

Until I proposed the unthinkable: to do an experiment and not watch TV for the summer.

To clarify, I wasn’t proposing we cut out our television-viewing habits completely, just limit ourselves and not replace the one that we watch 95% of the time in the most convenient location.

Out of the four of us, my husband probably watches the most television and has gotten into the bad habit of falling asleep in front of it. The kids need their early-morning Dora the Explorer fix like some adults need their caffeine. I probably watch the least but am not without my own sacrifices: I get a lot of work done when my children are plunked in front of it.

I feared the backlash would be similar to when we weaned Haddie from her binky at the ripe ol’ age of 18 months (think: heroin withdrawal). Do you know what, though? Six weeks, four days and 12 hours into (but who’s counting?) we’re surviving. In fact, I’d even say we’re thriving. I can’t say I will ever become one of those anti-television zealots because, welp, I need my Matt Lauer fix. And I cannot discount the educational value of television, as my daughter Hadley demonstrated when she was about to turn 2.

For several months, I had been incessantly reciting 123s and ABCs wherever we went. She would occasionally list off the occasional number just to shut me up but really, she was more focused on becoming am alphabet prodigy. One day we were in the car and I attempted to teach her how to say she was “2 years old,” in honor of her birthday at the end of the month.

She gave me her typical teen-aged “Why are you bothering me, Mother,” look and then casually blurted out, “1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10.” I stopped, shocked. “Did you just count to 10, Hadley?” She repeated herself, this time throwing in the number 11 for good measure. Showoff.

I was practically jumping for joy! Finally, all those countless hours of teaching her, of slaving over her growth had finally paid off! I had a glimmer of hope that I was making at least some difference in her life! Bursting with pride, I wanted acknowledgment and gratitude for my efforts. “Hadley, who taught you to count to 10?”

“Barney!!!!!!!!”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Family, issues

Giving credit where credit is overdue

July 8, 2009 By

I love to tease Jamie on my blog. And for good reason: the man is obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin.

But where much is expected, much is given. And the man is a giver!

Every year he has surprised me with a romantic getaway. One year, it was a gorgeous cabin in Breckenridge. Last year, it was the St. Julien in Boulder.

This year, he told me he was dropping the kids off at Grandma’s and taking me on a date to Sabo Latino, a new-to-me restaurant in the funky Highlands neighborhood. An hour before we were supposed to leave, something happened that had me in a tizzy. In response, I got delusional and said we should just take the kids with us, to which Jamie shook me until the delirium disappeared.

The reason? When we were driving to dinner, he presented me with this:


Three clues for my personal scavenger hunt around town. I programmed each address into the GPS of the iPhone he surprised me with the week prior.

That alone discounts the excessive amount of time he spends in the pumpkin patch.

The first venue was indeed Sabo Latino as he had promised. The food was pretty good but I was through the moon when I discovered my foodie obsession that I developed on our Costa Rica honeymoon: plantains.


My next clue led me to our second activity: a couple’s massage at Indulgence’s Day Spa.


This photo was taken before he told me to “Shut Up.” Evidently, some people do not blabber on during their massage. Something about relaxation.

My final surprise blew me away: Jamie had arranged a slumber party with Grandma for the kids and took me to the Lumber Baron Inn & Gardens, a gorgeous B&B tucked away in the Highlands.


Did I feel guilty that he planned this romantic getaway, knowing that we have been taking a lot of family vacations lately? Certainly. But then I remembered our crummy winter that included The Lice, two months straight of illness and the immeasurable stress of starting our own web development business during it all.


And then I got over it.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Colorado, Family travel, Humor, Jamie, Marriage

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

July 6, 2009 By

From the thrill of victory….

To the agony of defeat.

That involved strange men and crowbars.

For all the sordid details of The Good, Bad and [very] Ugly during our trip to Steamboat Springs, go here.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Colorado, Family travel, Humor, travel

Happy Canada Day!

July 1, 2009 By

In honor of Canada Day today, allow me to divulge a disturbing glimpse into the life of my Canuckian parents who met each other curling.

And no, I’m not making that up. It is the Canadian version of meeting at a bar.

===========
Mom: I guess we need to go and buy another I.D. dog tag for Mia. I can’t seem to find the tag we bought yesterday, and I’m not going to get a good night of sleep until she has her tag.

So they roar off to Petland. On their way to Petland, Mom conducts yet another search of the car, and lo and behold, the missing I.D. tag is found safely tucked into the glove box.

Since they are near The Superstore, Dad pops into the store for a minute,and soon they are on the way home.

Mom: Where is the I.D. tag? I can’t imagine where it disappeared to!

Dad: Well, it has got to be in the car somewhere.

After yet another round of searching, the said I.D. tag is found in Chris’ purse.

Dad: Give me that tag. I am going to hold it until we get home, and immediately put it on that dog as soon as we get home!

===========

Stan (noticing that his tooth brush was wet): Chris ,did you just use my purple tooth brush?

Chris: Your purple tooth brush? The purple one is MY tooth brush.

Stan: No, your tooth brush is blue, I have been using the purple one for the past year!

Hello, Apple? Meet Tree.

====================================

On another note, my friend Cheryl interviewed me today at MormonWoman.org. It’s not so much a site for LDS peeps but rather, a glimpse into what it is like to be a Mormon woman for those not of our faith. It’s a great site that attempts to dispel misconceptions and portray us in an authentic, positive light.

Still trying to figure out why she wanted to interview me. :-)

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Canada, Family, Humor