Annual Crafting Extravaganza Causes Annual Ulcer

November 30, 2009 By

Public voting has ended for my bid to blog at the 2010 Vancouver Games. Microsoft will take the top three finalists and make the ultimate decision in the next few weeks. I cannot thank you enough for the immeasurable amount of support and encouragement you have given me! Regardless of the outcome, I have been thrilled to be a part of it and am grateful so many of you have come along for the ride.

Which has been considerably more rewarding and less suicidal than that crazy skeleton.

Thanks again! And now, back to my regularly-scheduled post….

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It’s the time of year again that my husband Jamie dreads. That time when I become delusional and somehow forget that I cannot do crafts. That I have never been able to do crafts and I never will be able to do crafts.

Every fall, the female members of my church gather for Super Saturday (or Fabulous Friday) in an event that can only be described as Martha Stewart on Steroids.

This year, the classes included photography, dutch oven, bread making and fondue classes, Thanksgiving and Christmas crafts, 72-hour kits and general miscellaneous sessions perfectly constructed to send me over the edge.

With visions of grandeur, I signed up to make READ ON

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Olympics

Little Bit of This

November 29, 2009 By

We ran into Jamie’s work buddy who comped us some tickets for the Holiday Food & Gift Festival next door. We were tired, the car meter was running out and it was snowing.

Me: “Let’s just go check it out.”

Jamie: “Why?”

Me: “Because there are hundreds of samples there. It’s like Costco on Steroids.”

SOLD!

We came home with oodles of goodies but the best one this pumpkin lover bought? White chocolate pumpkin popcorn for my stocking.

Because sometimes Santa needs a bit of help.

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I am hereby going to call last week “The Week of the One-Liners.”

 

As Haddie and I were crossing the street, I told her to hold my hand.

 

“Why do we hold hands when crossing the street, Mommy?


Me: “So when we get hit we can go down together.”

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Hadley has recently fallen in love with bacon. So deep is her love that I think I’ll have to introduce her to the artery-clogging, holier-than-holy bacon taco my sister-in-law made last Christmas.

Much to Haddie’s chagrin, we rarely have bacon but I made baked potato soup and cooked up a batch last week.

Haddie: “Can we pulllease have bacon every day?”
Me: “No, it’s not healthy. We can only have it sometimes.”
Haddie (talking to the bacon): “Bacon, I’ll never forget you.”

She’s too young for me to break the news that neither will her thighs in a few years.

Filed Under: Hadley, Humor

Mirror, Mirror: What Is The Greatest Winter Olympic Sport Of All?

November 25, 2009 By

We all have our favorite events at the Winter Olympics. Some love the Ski Jump, the original extreme winter sport that was introduced at the first Winter Olympic Games in Chamonix in 1924. Others love the team aspect so Hockey rules supreme. And let’s face it: whose heart doesn’t skip a beat when someone lands a triple axel. I’m talking Figure Skating, of course, not Hockey.

Though think of how much more exponentially impressive that would be.

As an ardent promoter of the ski industry, my favorite Olympic event may surprise you: Curling.

You see, I owe my very life to this great sport. My parents MET whilst on a curling team in Calgary. I don’t know what the initial connection was. Maybe she liked the way he threw that big ol’ heavy rock. And I’m sure he was enthralled with her sweeping technique. I mean, what man wouldn’t? It was, after all, the ’60s.

For this reason, I felt it requisite to participate in the curling exhibition during the 2002 Salt Lake City Games. My best friend Stacey was in town from Canada with her sister, Heather. We decided to hit the Olympic Strip, which hosted oodles of entertaining booths and Olympic activities.

The Coca-Cola tent was the highlight of The Strip. Not only could you barrel down a miniature luge run but there were several interactive Olympic sports, including curling.

Remember? The Greatest Of All Winter Olympic Events.

As we waited for our turn, I tried to remain humble. Not only did I have inbred curling roots but I also participated in a semester-long class in high school.

If that didn’t qualify me for Olympic greatness, I didn’t know what would.

I was the first to throw my rocks down the ice towards the house. I made some quality shots and was immediately sent to stand on the gold-medal position of the podium to await the rest of the competitors. I fully expected to stay there.

Until Stacey went. In just a few shots, she knocked me down to silver. And then came Heather. In a seamless throw down the ice, she humbled both Stacey and me, claiming the gold medal. Suddenly I, the person with curling in my blood, was only bronze-worthy.

It got even uglier when a 7-year-old boy knocked me out of contention altogether. Me. The very offspring of curling itself.

In the end, he never actually claimed his medal; something about being knocked out by a curling rock.

Hey, what can I say? Tonya Harding isn’t the only one with a few tricks up her sleeve….

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Thank you thank you thank you for all the wonderful support I have received for my bid to blog at the Olympics in the Microsoft Office Winter Olympics Contest. You may vote daily here until Nov. 29 and believe me, I need all the help I can get.

Special thanks to powerhouse bloggers Design Mom and Loralee for their generous mentions, and also the Denver Westword for running a Q&A.

Happy Thanksgiving!

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Canada, Family, Olympics

The Bonehead’s Version of The 12 Days of Christmas

November 24, 2009 By

I am in Canada this week for American Thanksgiving.

I know. I’ve always been a bit confused.

Last week was a frenzy of voting and downright begging for people to vote for me. In fact, I’m still doing so because the public can vote here daily until Nov. 29. In case you missed my announcement, I am 1 of 5 semi-finalists to blog at the Olympics for Microsoft Office. I even launched a “Just One Tweet” Whrrl campaign to get Ellen Degeneres to tweet for me.

Because she has, like 3 million followers on Twitter juxtaposed against my 3.

Since returning to my childhood home in Calgary, my frenzied pace has slowed down to being fed three meals a day and having in-house babysitters thrilled to play with their grandchildren.

I may never leave.

My husband remained in Denver for work and I’m always a bit worried when traveling alone with the children (for the reason why see one of my many family travel disasters). Shockingly, everything went smoothly and the only mishap was when my hair got caught in the seat belt of my parent’s SUV. OK, this is an understatement. The shoulder belt completely devoured a large section of my curly mop right up to the crown of my head. My dad was one step away from having to give me a buzz cut to get it to release.

At least my head would have resembled a shiny tree ornament for the holidays

We will be here for 12 days, the longest we’ve been away from my husband Jamie. I wanted to do something above-and-beyond daily phone calls to let him know we were thinking of him.

And to remind him that the peace and quiet he’s enjoying during his throwback to bachelorhood really does suck.

I recruited my 5-year-old daughter and we made cards for every day we’d be gone and hid them all over the house. Hadley wanted to draw a map. I told her it would be easier to just do a master key detailing the location of his scavenger hunt and we’d call him every day with the clue.

Sound seamless? This is me we’re talking about.

In the beginning, everything went as planned. We drew, we hid and we wrote the master key. I was careful to place it in my purse so I would not forget it at home. That first morning in Canada, I went to call him with his first clue….

….and it was gone. Vanished from my purse. Some swarmy member of the Taliban likely swiped it when I was busy telling the grumpy Customs officials I was, in fact, their friend not foe.

Or more likely I am just always cursed.

I broke the news to Jamie and begged him not to tell Hadley I had screwed up our surprise. “We’ll just have a different kind of scavenger hunt,” I consoled him. “One where I try to recall where we hid all 12 of the cards!”

This, from the woman who finally remembered where she cached her husband’s Christmas present six months after the fact.

It’s going to be a long 12 days.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Canada, Humor, travel

Help me help Ellen DeGeneres help me get to the Olympics!!!

November 19, 2009 By

Have you heard my news? I am ecstatic to be 1 of 5 semi-finalists in Microsoft Office’s Winter Games contest. I would be thrilled beyond measure to be an accredited blogger at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics because winter sports are my passion!

I grew up playing street hockey with my brothers in my Canadian hood. When we came “of age” to enroll in community hockey I lined up with all my boys, fully expecting to join the team. I was absolutely sure this was my first step to becoming an Olympian.

Until I was turned away and told to enroll in figure skating.

Disclaimer: I have absolutely nothing against being a figure skater.

Unless you have speed-skating thighs and a killer slap shot.

Now, a different Olympic dream is coming to fruition. I not only need your daily vote (here) but I am soliciting THE Ellen DeGeneres as well! Click the image below to view my “Just One Tweet” campaign.

Powered by Whrrl

I take that back. Maybe my figure skating legs don’t look too bad after all.

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Anyone ever had their water break at Einstein Bros. Bagels? I am over at Design Mom today talking all about it. Also, thanks to The Vacation Gals (one of my favorite travel sites for moms) for giving me an Olympic-sized shout-out. Thank you everyone for your support!

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Canada, Humor, Olympics

Amazing News–Help Me Win My Own Olympic Bid!

November 17, 2009 By

I am notoriously unlucky.

I once went to France for a wedding, got lost en route and missed the entire celebration. The only contest I have ever won was the infamous Fred Seymour Elementary School Cakewalk.

And even then, I knocked my biggest competition out of the way when no one was looking.

That is why the news I recently received came as an absolute shock to me: I have been chosen as 1 of 5 semi-finalists in Microsoft Office’s contest to blog at the 2010 Vancouver Olympic Games.

(Please excuse me while I pick myself up off the floor).

I entered on a whim when I saw a tweet about the contest on Twitter. Of course, as a notoriously unlucky person, I never imagined I had a shot amidst the thousands of entries.

Now, I have a 1 in 5 chance.

My love affair with the Winter Olympics began when I was a wee lassie growing up in Calgary. The Olympics came to town in 1988 and we lived and breathed everything about it. Our physical education curriculum was modified to include Olympic sports such as luge lessons at Canada Olympic Park. My family attended a number of events and we partied it up at Olympic Plaza every night for the medals ceremony. As an aspiring journalist, I dreamed of someday covering the Olympics.

Fast-forward 14 years. I worked as an adventure-travel writer and freelanced at Metro Networks radio when the 2002 Games came to Salt Lake City. I was thrilled with the prospect of my dream finally coming to fruition.

Until I got assigned to cover traffic.

I made the best of it. When not reporting transportation terrors, I attended evening concerts and numerous events, including the Canada vs. Finland hockey quarterfinals. Canada went on to win the gold. I made Olympic history when I dove across my maple-leaf-clad neighbor for a five-second spot on the Jumbotron.

We all have our Olympic moments.

Now, I would love to have another! Microsoft Office is sending one lucky female blogger to cover the 2010 Vancouver Olympic Games and this Denver mom needs your help. Public voting will start here TODAY and continue through November 29.

Because this former cakewalk con artist would be honored to legitimately have my cake.

And eat it too.

You can vote every day, once per day at https://www.officewintergames.com. Thank you!

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Olympics

This Veteran’s Day: Remember

November 11, 2009 By

Veteran’s Day is one of the things Canada does better than the United States. We call it Remembrance Day and I loved what an important part of our lives it was. At school, they distributed poppies for us to wear. We recited In Flander’s Fields. And we remembered.

I had forgotten the significance of the poppy:

This is because the corn poppy was one of the only plants that grew on the battlefield. It thrives in disturbed soil, which was abundant on the battlefield due to intensive shelling. During the few weeks the plant blossomed, the battlefield was coloured blood red, not just from the red flower that grew in great numbers but also from the actual blood of the dead soldiers that lay scattered and untended to on the otherwise barren battlegrounds.

Source: en.wikipedia.org

Of course, my dear husband never forgets a holiday.

Jamie: Today is Veteran’s Day so I expect you to take really good care of me.

Me: Why? You’re not a veteran.

Jamie: No, but I could be.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Canada, holidays

As bad as it gets

November 10, 2009 By

Our church building is located on a large property with a beautiful grove of trees. People often hold wedding receptions there and church members are responsible for its maintenance. In the winter, we shovel. In the summer, we weed. And in the fall, we rake.

Leaves, in case you are not aware, are allegedly a great source of nutrients for some people’s pumpkin patches.

As we were leaving church on Sunday, the kids and I started walking to the car while Jamie made a beeline in the opposite direction. At first, I had no idea what he was doing.

And then I saw the bags of recently raked leaves in the garbage.

Me (beckoning across the parking lot): “Jamie, you are wearing your suit. Get out of that dumpster!!!!”

Friend Dawn who was walking by at the time: “Are things really that bad at home, Amber?”

Me: “You have no idea.”

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Humor, Jamie, pumpkins

My rivoting commentary on babies and b*oob jobs

November 9, 2009 By

Has it really been almost a week since my last confession posting? I’ve been busy. Really busy. Busy not sleeping due to the blasted time change, busy wrangling children, busy with travel.

Yes, my friends I have been in Motown where I came face-to-face with $100,000 crash dummies.

Not to be confused with some of my former flames.

They would definitely not be worth that much.

So, come on over to Mile High Mamas and find out what babies and b*oob jobs have in common.

I promise it’s not what you’d think.

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In March 1996 I was hit and run over by a semi-truck while driving on the freeway. I obviously survived. I should not have. My car was broadsided by the semi and after a deadly pinball machine game, I wound up splattered against the median. The semi’s tire tracks mere inches behind my seat.

An experience like that forever changes your perspective on car safety. I was fortunate to be wearing my seat belt, a fluke because I was a carefree college student who rarely wore one. I have no doubt it saved my life.

Since having children, I have researched the best car seats. I always have them professionally installed by the fire department after hearing staggering statistics that 80 percent are done incorrectly. But I have to be honest: I have never really considered how safe my car is. I drive an SUV that was built in the last five years. Price, reliability and consumer ratings were my utmost concerns when purchasing it. It has safety measures like airbags for the front seats but never once have I thought about the backseat, generally viewed as a safer place to be but without protective measures in place.

Until now.

I was invited to attend a Ford safety event in Michigan last week. Even though I have worked with Ford in the past, I thought it was strange they would fly out a handful of perky mommy bloggers to a press conference that was dominated by brooding automotive journalists.

And yes, we did stand out just a wee bit.

Then Ford unveiled the auto industry’s first-ever inflatable seat belts, which are designed to enhance protection for rear-seat occupants in a crash (basically, a backseat version of airbags). This groundbreaking new technology will make them a champion among parents. The reason: Our children are often seated in the back and are the ones most vulnerable to head, chest and neck injuries.

airbag

The room was abuzz after the announcement. This technology has been in development for almost 10 years and these automotive dudes were excited. Ford had a sample inflatable seat belt and I gave it a try. The seat belt itself appears normal but its rounded edges are more comfortable than traditional ones. It inflated like an airbag upon impact and spread the crash forces over five times more area of the body than conventional seat belts, reducing pressure on the chest and helping control neck motion.

The moms banded together to pepper the safety technical leader, Srini Sundararajan, with questions. Yes, he said Ford had thoroughly tested it with all kinds of car and booster seats. Yes, they had experimented with it in a number of different positions, such as when children are slumped over sleeping or they twist the seat belt. No, it is not currently available but will launch on the 2011 Ford Explorer.

Then one of the moms hesitatingly whispered to me, “What about breast implants? How will it impact them?”

I brazenly stepped forward and asked this question of all questions. To his credit, Mr. Safety Man did not flinch and assured me the seat belts are perfectly safe for breast implants.

I can guarantee that question was never posed by any of those brooding automotive types.

In the end, I was given a greater appreciation for automotive technologies and the years of experimentation that are for our safety and benefit. I was especially impressed with Ford, which was the first company to develop and launch seat belts (1955) and airbags (1985). I later toured the safety lab and witnessed various Myth Busters-esque crash tests (and even performed one myself).

Anyone who has known me more than 10 minutes will find humor that I, of all people, was entrusted with such a responsibility.

And I’m also impressed with their latest technology:

Ford’s Rear Inflatable Seat Belts: Friends to Both Babies and Boob Jobs.

I think I may have clinched their next marketing campaign.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Uncategorized

The party’s over

November 2, 2009 By

Halloween a.k.a. my month-long party is over.

Well, month-and-a-half-long party if you count back to mid-September when I put out the decorations (much to Jamie’s dismay).

In the end, we had really easy costumes: Bode wanted to be a firefighter (again) and Haddie opted for a bat. I simply resurrected the bodysuit from her kitty costume last year, found a pair of butterfly wings at the thrift store that I spray-painted black, styled her hair into bat ears and had Jamie make her a mask.


Cheapest Halloween ever.

We participated in our neighborhood’s annual parade and the procession was led by a fire truck, perfect for the little firefighter himself.


And hung out with our neighborhood besties.


It was the first year the kids really got into trick-or-treating and wanted to venture beyond just our block.

Because they figured out more houses = more candy.

I did not approve of Haddie’s choice to be a bat and cringed every time she made me do online research about them. She wanted to be a “mean bat” and was repeatedly annoyed when folks would comment how “cute” she was.

Bats are not cute, people. They are creepy, scary and ugly.

I mourned when I took down the decorations and lamented to Jamie, “Now that Halloween is over, what do I have to look forward to?”

Jamie: “How about Christmas? You know. Jesus‘ birthday.”

Oh yeah. That.

Ever wonder where my Halloween obsession comes from? Checkout my parent’s house in Calgary:

That picture is not even including the blow-up giant pumpkin on their lawn.

And my brother Jade’s “Duct Man” costume this year.


Still searching for an explanation for this one.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog
Filed Under: Bode, Family, Hadley, holidays Tagged With: