When fathers wax sentimental about their “children”

On Hadley’s birthday, she slept late (my gift) and I made her favorite breakfast: oatmeal cookie pancakes (her gift).


As we were piling into the car afterward to go to Grandma’s, Jamie commented,

“I just want to warn you about something.”

“Oh no. What?”

“I may be a little emotional today.”

“Why?”

“Wellllllll, first my little girl is turning five.”

“Yeah right, whatever. What’s the real reason?”

“My back-up pumpkin plant is running into my main one. I will have to kill it today.”

How Moms Are Not Only the Queens of Comedy but Also Improv

I got asked to lead a round-table discussion for the Boulder Chamber’s PR & Social Media Event on Friday. There were some local social media rock stars who presented including Andrew Hyde of TechStars, Ari Newman of FiltrBox and Mile High Mama Holly Hamann from The Blog Frog.

And then there was me.

Though I did shower for the occasion, which should count for something.

My topic was “How to pitch a blogger,” with the intent to teach businesses and publicists how to approach bloggers for potential coverage. I was asked to present in two different sessions and was under the impression that I was supposed to speak on, well, how to pitch a blogger.

Until my first panel began.

I had everyone go around and tell me what they hoped to get out of my class. Here’s a little hint: their responses were not about pitching bloggers. Most of them wanted to know how to start a blog for their business and to learn the basics of social media.

I did not prepare a 50-minute class on how to start a blog or the basics of social media.

Nor did I bother to bring my laptop because I had prepared some nifty handouts of some great pitches I had received from various publicists. Because, if you will remember, that is what I was asked to speak about.

So, what did I do?

1) I sweated.
2) I swiped borrowed someone’s laptop during both sessions.
3) I improvised my entire presentation during the first presentation.
4) I thanked the good Lord that I am a mom.

In the past, I may have not been so quick on my feet but motherhood has prepared me to roll with the punches and adapt to every new situation.

Some examples:

I believed that my children would never be *those* kids who throw public tantrums. I was wrong. Improvisation: I pretend not to know them when this happens.

I assumed that bath time was instituted to clean the children. I never dreamed they would ever defecate in that very cleansing bathwater. Improvisation: I have my husband hose them off in the shower while I pretend not to know them.

When I had children, I thought I would someday get some sleep. I was wrong. Improvisation: I do not sleep, all the while pretending I do not know them.

My validation that I had pulled off my little improv routine was at the end of the event when the organizers thanked each of the presenters. The people at my table clapped and hollered louder for me than anyone else. Of course, they may have only seemed louder because they were sitting next to me and were yelling directly into my ear.

Just to be safe if I am ever asked to present again, I will be sure to bring a plan and a back-up plan.

And a Zoloft or two to dissipate any improvisation-induced ulcers.

Happy 5th Birthday to Hurricane Hadley!

Dearest Hadley,

I cannot believe you turned 5 today; it seems like just yesterday you turned 4! This was a magical year. You were not colicky, you did not keep me up all night, you were not throwing toddler tantrums nor were you potty training. In fact, I did not want to ship you off to Grandma and Grandpa B’s in Canada even once this year. That is progress and definitely love.

Speaking of Grandma B, you have a new obsession with talking to her on the phone. You are learning how to dial her number and will rattle on for ages. In fact, sometimes I’ll completely forget you’re even talking to her and will rescue Grandma B an hour later. It’s nice that your chatty Grandma has finally met her match. We knew what we were doing when we named you Hadley “Christine” after her.

Of course, sometimes you’re a bit too eager to share, like when you told your friend Maeve (whom you hadn’t seen for a while), “First I was sick, then I had lice. Now I’m constipated.”

Charming.

You cannot wait to start kindergarten in the fall. Last week, you started complaining about preschool for the first time. When I asked you why you didn’t like it, you claimed it was because your teachers make you listen. Imagine that! Good thing you don’t have to do that at home, either! I forewarned you that kindergarten is equal unto boot camp and you will likely do military-like listening drills every single day. But you were unfazed. The reason? You finally get to ride The School Bus! The greatest thing in the world!

Until you actually experience the sad reality of riding in it.

You had a busy year and are learning to ride your bike without training wheels. You have also taken up roller-blading and were a veritable ski bunny in Keystone and Park City. But your favorite of all was ice-skating on Keystone Lake. You were thrilled you didn’t need Mommy’s help and were performing a triple-axle by the end of the day. At no other time have your Canadian roots shone so brightly.

Except for when you decided to run through the sprinklers when it was 40 degrees outside.

You are currently enrolled in gymnastics, you played soccer last fall and will be in swim lessons this summer. You enjoy them all but are not passionate about any of them. When I was talking about this to your father, I mentioned I wished I could figure out what your niche is. Daddy looked at the long trail of paper, scissors, markers and storybooks that you write every day and queried, “Gee, you can’t figure it out?”

I’m a little slow. You see, I never thought I would breed a Starving Artist so I never viewed your affinity toward writing books and drawing beautiful pictures as a legitimate pastime. But I am thrilled for your wonderful imagination and maybe for your sixth birthday, I will introduce you to the ultimate outlet for all your stories.

It is called a blog.

Which means you will officially be A Chip Off The Old Blog.

Your obsession with getting a dog continues and you adopt every stuffed animal you see. For those following this saga, you are on Year 3 of wanting a pet. Daddy still hasn’t surrendered his “Not until everyone is potty trained” policy but as Bode gets closer and closer, Daddy is sweating bullets. We consoled you that your Aunt Lisa–who just bought her first house–plans get a dog. You finally had a ray of hope until she divulged she first has to save up some money.

Clever girl that you are, you snuck into Lisa’s room, put $2 in an envelope and set it on her pillow. We did not make a connection until your evening prayers when you humbly pleaded with the good Lord to help dear Aunt Lisa have enough money for a dog. So nice of you to help fund such a worthy cause.

With money that you stole from your father.

Speaking of swiping, remember that one time you took Mommy’s camera and shot a little video of your own? It resulted in the first YouTube video I have ever posted.

If the blogging thing doesn’t work out, I foresee a future in Hollywood.


You love Colorado’s outdoor playgrounds. Last weekend, we had a staycation in Boulder and we stayed in a darling cottage in Chautauqua, one of our favorite areas. One night, we went for a hike when the sun was setting behind the Flat Iron mountains and the air was so sweet we could taste it. You were in your element. As we trekked up Bluebell Road, you blew seeds from a dandelion and announced, “I wish Mommy would always love the mountains.”

And I hope you will always share that love with me. I know we sometimes clash but it’s because we’re so much alike. I see so much of my good…and bad in you. You are delightful, spirited, charming, funny, stubborn, bossy and creative. From Day 1, you have humbled us and our world has revolved around you.

We wouldn’t have you any other way.

With love,

Mommy

P.S. For Grandma and Grandpa: I had a fun time reading back upon Haddie’s previous birthday letters. To get caught up: her 2nd birthday, 3rd birthday and 4th birthday.

My Reward for Surviving the Year of the Plague a.k.a. 2009

**EDITED**

This will be the summer of staycations! Our little foursome just got back from Boulder and will be hitting Colorado Springs/The Broadmoor, Steamboat Springs, the Crested Butte Music Festival, Devil’s Thumb Ranch, YMCA of the Rockies and Beaver Creek.

It will be a veritable Tour de Colorado!

Something else I’m excited about is a trip I’m taking to the Olympic Peninsula. Without the kiddos. The area is the perfect family-friendly travel destination and I’ll be delving into a plethora of activities that includes a Twilight tour, outdoor adventures, arts and culture, northwest history and culinary tourism.

Best of all I will be hooking up with Sandra, one of my dearest childhood friends whom I haven’t seen in 20 years, when I am in Seattle.

I leave in two and a half weeks. Oh, and did I mention I will not be dragging the kids along?

Because nothing says “Family-friendly vacation” like leaving the kids at home. :-)

We interrupt this Twilight week to bring you

An “Incredibles” birthday party….like you’ve never seen before.

And which you won’t see yet because I’m too tired to write about it.

Just who is this masked woman behind the secret identity?

Only time will tell….

Team Edward vs. Jacob–Twilight Played Out in Real Life

IT’S TWILIGHT WEEEEEEK!

I was on a trail run recently when I started pondering the complexities of life. I felt gratitude for where I am today and thought of those who had a part in forming who I have become.

OK, I’m talking ex-boyfriends. It sounded better when I sugar-coated it.

I’m really not one to dwell on the past. I have 30 wonderful years of pre-marriage memories but I truly am happy as a married woman. I did not have my first serious boyfriend until my freshman year of college and we were together five years. After that, great guys came and went. I traveled the world with them and they become intrinsically connected to my love of the mountains as Southern Utah’s deserts became our balm.

In my mid-20s, I met someone who would weave in and out of my life for the next several years. He was different. He was tall, dark, handsome, athletic, successful and passionate. Many people didn’t “get” him because his prose was of another generation and his intensity made them nervous. I was swept up in another world whenever we were together.

But we were different. Really different. We had divergent goals and religious affiliations. Things I valued. Things I wanted. When the bridge would seem too big to cross, we would break up, only to gradually find our way back together again.

He was my Edward.

In Twilight, Edward Cullin is beautiful, intense, passionate and protective. But as a vampire, he is also unattainable. Mere mortal Bella fell for him–who wouldn’t? He was every girl’s dream and that’s why we have all fallen hard for him. They broke up over the impossibility of the situation but in the end, surmised they could not live without each other.

Then there are the Mike Newtons of the world. Those good guys on the sidelines who vie for our affections but–as much as we want to–we can never love them in that way. I had a few Mikes over the years and they still remain a cherished part of my life.

At last, there is Jacob Black. Sweet, funny, a ray of sunshine and loving. He would have given Bella the life she deserved, not the life she sacrificed everything to live with Edward. Sure, author Stephanie Meyer made Bella’s transformation into a vampire coven seem desirable and idealistic. But she gave up the very core of her being to be with him. And how does that often turn out in the real world?

It’s called divorce.

When I met my husband, I was still tangled up in the Edward web and was trying to break free. Jamie was supportive, patient, sweet, grounded, wise and loving. Most importantly, he shared my same goals and I knew I would be able to live out my dreams with him.

My “Edward” and “Jacob” proposed to me the same week and even “Mike” came out of the woodwork at the last minute.

In the end, I chose Jacob.

I have never faltered in my decision. Though I felt very connected to Edward and cherished Mike, we never would have been able to make each other happy. So, today I am declaring myself a member of Team Jacob.

Well, at least in the real world. :-)

Good Karma Yurting in Sun Valley, Idaho

Originally published in Sports Guide magazine, 2001

Men. You’d think after surviving a lifetime of torment as the only sister in a family of brothers I’d have a clue. I don’t.

This was confirmed during a recent trip to Sun Valley with my friend John as he gunned my Jeep up a precarious road. It was evident that my warning, “Hey don’t forget about the bikes on top” was completely lost on him when he replied “Great point, Amber. We can ride them back out when we get stuck.” We somehow made it out alive but that was just the first of many perplexing glimpses into the male psyche during the trip.

The Valley of Sun
What took nature millions of years to create has in the last several decades become the outdoor playground for the rich and famous. Sun Valley and neighboring Ketchum are gold-plated European-style resort towns with a gentrified Western feel.

While celebrities, gilded shop signs, a clock tower, opera house and fine dining all characterize Sun Valley, there is a lot more to this celebrity enclave than meets the eye. Venture a few miles out of town and you will encounter the largest roadless area in the lower 48, much of it encompassing the 756,000-acre Sawtooth National Recreation Area.

Not to be missed is the 8,701-foot Galena Summit Overlook, which marks the separation of two watersheds: the Big Wood to the South and the Salmon to the North. Galena has expansive views of many of the 40 gray needlelike spires that march more than 10,000 feet across the 35-mile Sawtooth range. With 300 lakes, four mountain ranges, and headwaters that feed four of the region’s major rivers, the Sawtooths provide what money can never buy.

Conversion in Sun Valley
John and I wanted a unique backcountry experience, so we turned to Sun Valley Trekking, featured in Outside magazine for their hut-to-hut backcountry skiing. Co-owner Carrie Douglas informed us that only one of their five yurts—Coyote—remains open during the summer because of Forest Service permit restrictions.

Nestled at 8,700 feet in a stand of spruce and fir, Coyote has a vast network of hiking and mountain biking trails for all abilities: from rolling Jeep roads for beginners, to hardcore singletrack leading to Baker Lake, to fat-tire classic Adams Gulch. Throw in some spectacular views of Boulder and Pioneer Mountains and you’ve got a yurt made for a Mongolian King in a Sun-kissed Valley.

Sound too good to be true? Yep. It was May and the yurt was still surrounded by snow. Carrie suggested we take advantage of one of their lower-elevation yurts—Fishhook—before they took it down for the summer. A 2.2-mile hike from Redfish Lake leads to this yurt where the Sawtooth’s highest peak—10,766-foot Thompson Peak—stands sentry.

It was not her description of the environs that piqued John’s curiosity, but rather the fact there was a hot tub at the yurt. That is, if you consider an old trough heated by a wood-burning stove a hot tub. John was not rattled when she told him it would take 70 buckets of water from the nearby creek to fill it.

He deflected my disparaging look. “I’ll fill that tub myself,” he announced. His machismo then proved spiritual: “It will be good Zen.” Good Zen? Last I heard, he was not a convert to Buddhism.

We set out on our Zen-ith experience to Redfish Lake, about 60 miles north of Sun Valley on Highway 75. We stopped atop Galena Pass. The sweeping views of the Salmon River’s headwaters reflexively caused a deep, whistling intake of breath. The descent into the postcard-perfect Sawtooth Valley was effortless, the mountains growing larger until we were swallowed by their shadows.

We arrived at Redfish Lake, snuggled under 10,229-foot Mount Heyburn. Named for the sockeye salmon that once spawned there by the thousands, Redfish is the Sawtooth’s largest and most popular lake.

Once at the Redfish Lake trailhead, we loaded food, clothes and sleeping bags in our backpacks. Carrie recommended we pack lightly because the yurt provided most essentials such as matches, dishes, lanterns, a stove and sleeping pads. We set out on the easy trail and wound along Fishhook Creek through a forested valley.

After a 2.2-mile jaunt, we came to an open meadow and a view of Williams and Thompson Peaks. The area is a compendium of striking vistas and a labyrinth of streams that mirror serrated peaks chiseled by a goliath’s saw.

A Yurt, a Trough and Zen
We bushwhacked back through the forest about a quarter-mile until we found the yurt–
rustic, remote and fortified by a wall of firewood. Bunk beds lined one side of the concave walls, a rectilinear table divided sleeping and cooking quarters, and mice had left their droppings as welcome.

John immediately started hauling buckets of water to the hot tub. Ten trips into it, the shirt came off. Thirty-eight buckets later, he was weary but finished.

We then explored the area. The yurt’s guidebook contained a topographical map with a gallimaufry of hiking routes. Our options for the next day were to summit snow-covered Thompson or Williams Peaks (we had no mountaineering gear), bushwhack a few miles using a map and compass to Yurt Lake (we had no compass) or to hike the well-marked 10-mile round-trip trail to Marshall Lake. We chose the latter.

Upon return from our explorations, John gathered kindling and chopped firewood. It finally came time for the pinnacle Zen cleansing: to light the fire. I reverently stood by. And I kept standing by for quite some time. John had made the inauspicious discovery there were no matches. Anywhere.

I am sure that even Buddha would have had a good chuckle over this one. After an hour of ransacking the yurt, we halfheartedly settled down to eat (note: no matches plus a gas stove equals a cold dinner).

During our meal, John thought to read the yurt guidebook, which disclosed the location of the matches. Now, this would mean good Karma for most, but not for John. While I leisurely watched a double sunset: one igniting the peaks, the other shimmering across the water, John spent four hours chopping wood and stoking the fire. He finally took a brief plunge around 11 p.m.

And his payback? He was so sore and tired that he couldn’t get out of bed the next morning. So much for our hike to Marshall Lake. Ahhh, men. Or would that be Zen?

Mountain Biking with Karma
We eventually backpacked out and then drove to Hulen Meadows, just outside of Ketchum. I left John to ponder his Zen experience while I went in-line skating. A paved 21-mile bike path winds from Ketchum to Bellevue through the Wood River Valley. I took a 14-mile chunk out of the beautiful trail that winds along the Big Wood River, through residential lands and past Sun Valley Resort.

Carrie had recommended a few areas outside of Ketchum for mountain biking that included the fat-tire classic Adams Gulch, the Norton Lakes Loop off Baker Creek Road, and the Fox Creek Trail, often referred to as the best all-around trail in the region. Again, we chose the latter.

In keeping with bad Karma, the Fox Creek Trail was closed due to high water damage from the river. We resorted to the Adams Gulch Trails network, within a short distance of downtown Ketchum. Unfortunately, we were not the only ones who chose the area—the parking lot was full when we arrived in the popular valley.

We had a couple of options. We could do the 5.5-mile loop, often called the ultimate loop in the Sawtooths, with numerous side trails and a complimentary grind during a steep 1,270-foot ascent. Or we could opt to do the Adam’s Gulch Trail, a 14-mile out-and-back with a 2,450-foot elevation gain. My sources at the trailhead used such descriptors as technical, serious and abusive. We chose the former.

It should have been the wise decision but we did not have time to fully study the map before two busloads of children arrived. Panicked by the threat of a kiddy obstacle course, we set out in the counter-clockwise direction. The only thing I could remember about the Adams Gulch Loop was that the trail started on a Jeep road. (We started on singletrack.) And that there were several stream crossings on the ascent. (The trail was dry.)

With 6-year-olds hot on our wheels, we eased through aspen groves and tight lodgepole forests. It was a climb of attrition, as biking turned into hike-a-biking in some of the steeper areas. The ascent made me forget why I like mountain biking.

But it was during our wet-footed, mud-dotted descent that I remembered. A white-knuckled
downhill led us over epic singletrack and several stream crossings. Footbridges are in place so getting splattered is optional, but all of the traverses are rideable. Well, mostly rideable. Fortunately, my inadvertent dunk was nothing short of refreshing.

We finally hit a Jeep road that felt like a freeway after the constricted trail. It took me a few moments before I clued in that this was the road we should have tackled at the beginning. We had indeed done the loop in the wrong direction. Bad Karma? Perhaps.

But hanging out in Sun Valley can only be good Zen.

-Amber Borowski Johnson ©

Twilight, BlogHer, Spa and Bullies, OH MY!

Twilight Week

It’s been a busy week of recovering from my latest ailment (because that is what I do). I have a lot going down and some very fun news I’ll divulge next week once it’s confirmed. It involves Twilight. In fact, I’m declaring next week Twilight Week. Who’s in? If you haven’t read the book or seen the movie, there is still time to come over to The Dark Side!

BlogHer or Bust

As many of you know, I have attended BlogHer the last two years–the biggest, baddest blogging convention around for women. This year, I got wait-listed. Because that is what I do. And then I get sick.

I just heard back that I’m *in* if I want to be. Problem is I’m not sure if I want to go. I may have missed the boat on getting a roommate who does not get sick as often as she blows her nose. Oh wait, that would be me and I am the bestestestest roommate around. Just ask Jamie. The guy who sometimes sleeps on the couch. I’m curious if you know of anyone who got added at the last minute to the BlogHer roster or someone who is looking for a spooner roommate?

A ‘Lil Thing Called Lice

Today, I will be checking out the reputable Indulgences Day Spa for a Mile High Mamas feature. If you will recall, my last spa visit elsewhere resulted in this catastrophe. I have high hopes I will not acquire H1N1. Because acquiring infectious diseases in the most unlikely places is what I do.

P.S. Any potential BlogHer roommates? Please disregard the last paragraph. I swear I am disease-free. For now.

Bully or Bust

We are also in the throes of party-planning for Haddie’s big bash on Monday. As we were discussing her invite list, conversation turned to a kid who can sometimes be a bully. I am also good friends with his mother, which means Said Bully will be in attendance.

Hadley gets along fine with Said Bully but her friend Alex does not. When she asked if he would be invited, I responded affirmatively. Alex started to protest but my dear Hubby, ever the diplomat, stepped in:

“Don’t worry, Alex. He’s mean but fair. He beats on everybody equally.”

A Sordid Tale of When One Loses More Than Just One’s Mind

It’s the second worst time of the year. For those not in the know:

#1 = Bathing suit season.

#2 = Suffering through multiple exercise routines as you repent of all those comfort foods you packed on during winter so you can fit into that bathing suit.

As part of my repentance process, I decided to take 33-pound Bode on our first ride of the season in his bike trailer last week. (Sure, I could have rounded his weight down to 30. But I want you to feel Every. Last. Pound. Just as I did.)

It was one of those delightful Spring days last week and we started strong. Translation: we went downhill. My house is perched atop a hill that takes me about two minutes to ascend on my bike, 20 minutes when pulling Bode and about 2 hours with my 40-pound daughter Hadley added to the mix.

There was a good reason I chose to do the ride when she was still in preschool.

Bode and I have a regular route through a nearby Open Space park. We often pass “Swiper” the Fox by a footbridge, “Daffy” Duck paddling in the pond and if we’re lucky, we’ll spot “Wile E.” Coyote perched under his favorite shade tree.

Our animal nomenclature is commercialization at its best.

That day, we were delighted to encounter many of our favorite animals as we cruised along the undulating landscape and marveled at the profusion of wildflowers starting to explode. All was going well–blissful, even–until our ascent up The Great Hill.

It was a warm day and I realized I wasn’t the only one who packed on a few pounds during winter. Turns out, Bode may not be fitting into his swim trunks anytime soon, either. We slowly crawled up the hill and upon reaching the apex, I encountered my neighbors and gasped, “First ride of the season but we did it and….”

Then came Bode’s interruption.

“I wost my Cwoc.”

“What? YOU LOST YOUR CROC? WHERE?”

“Dunno!”

I dubiously stared at him, hoping this was a 2-year-old’s idea of a sick joke. It wasn’t.

I had a few options. 1) Write off the $30 Croc as one of the many casualties of life. 2) Drag Bode back on the recalcitrant route. 3) Detach the bike trailer, dump him off with our neighbors and try to find the Croc by myself.

I chose #3. Even though it was the best of the three options, it wasn’t pretty. I was exhausted and going on a Croc Rescue Mission was the last thing I wanted to do. Worst of all? The Croc was tan-colored, not a delightful fluorescent that would have made it easily identifiable. After 30 loooong minutes, I found it perched atop another hill.

Because it would have been too easy for it to be nicely waiting for me at the bottom.

Bode was delighted to be reunited with his beloved Croc. He slipped it on his foot, gave me a charming grin and queried, “Go biking again, tomorrow?”

Didn’t happen.

Memories

This year for Mother’s Day, I got tickets to see Wicked and the flu. One is MUCH better than the other! For my mom, I put together this cool little video of some quality blackmail shots of us all.

How was your special day?