My mother’s horror and our best Canadian day ever

I’m a sucker for traditions and on our trip to Calgary, we instituted a new one.

Much to my mother’s horror.

Remember when I let the kids jump into Fish Creek fully-clothed and we had the best night ever?

They begged my dad and me to take them back during the day so they could wear their swim suits. We went to our favorite spot: the ice caves. Remember last winter when we literally walked on water?

It’s a much different scene in the summer.

 We were delighted to stumble upon some kids who were attempting to catch minnows and they graciously loaned us their nets. 

Who knew miniature carp could be so fascinating?

Grandpa also held a tutorial on skipping rocks.

I only got pegged once.

But what unfolded next is still causing my mother sleepless nights. When we were at this area last summer, we saw some teens who were covered in mud. I didn’t think much of it–they had climbed straight up a precipitous cliff to get there and risking life and limb didn’t appeal to me. This summer, some teens emerged who’d done the same thing but it wasn’t until I saw a family of four take a much tamer path up the mountain that I decided to investigate.

“C’mon, Hadley,” I barked. We were Johnson girls on a mission.

We climbed for a few minutes until we stumbled upon a trail that was covered in mud. Thinking this was the final destination, Hadley and I called the boys up to come check it out. We then, of course, got dirty.

Really dirty.

Bode and my Dad joined us and Bode tepidly stepped into the mud. His shoe sank. He panicked and soon his other shoe got stuck, he freaked a bit and I thought he was having nothin’ to do with that mud.

Until Grandpa saved the day.

While Hadley and I had assumed this was the final destination, my dad forged forward through the mud and continued upward on the dry trail. And that, my friends, is when we stumbled upon a mucky, oozing wonderland: the mud pits. There were literally pools and slides of mud.

“Well get in!” I squealed.

My kids hesitated. Could it be? The woman who is always saying “stay out of the mud” was actually encouraging it?

They never looked back.

Muddy kids w/ view of Fish Creek below
Cooling off later at Annie’s Bakery & Cafe

 And we’re counting down the days until we can do it again next summer.

A Day in the Canadian Countryside

One of my favorite outings when I come home to Calgary is going to the Millarville Farmer’s Market. Located about 30 minutes southwest of Calgary, this small community is dripping with nostalgia with its sweeping pastoral views and old-timer charm.

I would be the old-timer.

And their farmer’s market? It’s one of the largest and most successful of the Alberta-Approved Farmers’ Markets and is chock full of my childhood goodies. Favorites include saskatoon berry jams and syrups (we’re bringing some home for Jamie), oodles of beef, crafts, gluten-free, glorious bakery items and a montage of ethnic selections (Thai and Indian are my favorites–still reeling over the mango butternut squash soup I sampled).

Did I mention it was 72 degrees? I was in heaven and so were the kids.

Bode driving the tractor. See that blue backside behind the wheel? Thus were the remains of Hadley.

My mom is turtle-obsessed and many of her treasures were destroyed in their garage fire. They added this turtle solar lamp to their collection.

I’ve decided I’m in love with beavers. Here’s Bode staring one down.

Old buck-tooth totally won. There’s no competing when you’re sporting a Canadian flag.

And our lunch of champions? Kettle corn, pina colada fudge, Skor fudge, French fries and fresh peas.

Give us a break–we’re on vacation.

When we left Millarville a couple of hours later, Dad suggested instead of going back to Calgary on the 22X (highway), we try to find a charming country church he loves on the backroads around Millarville.

We never found it and ended up doing a big detour through country hamlet Black Diamond and then Okotoks, which has grown to a bustling city of 30,000.


We used to nickname it “Hickville” when I was a teenager, which just shows how old I really am.

“Let’s stop at Bulk Barn in Okotoks,” my mom suggested.

Now, I don’t know about you but anything with “bulk” and “barn” are not very alluring. But do you know what? I’ve never seen anything like it. Bulk Barn is a veritable bulk foods emporium with over 4,000 products and is Canada’s largest bulk food retailer. Rows upon rows of bins with the most amazing selections, many of which I’d never heard of–everything from soup to nuts, candy and snacks, baking ingredients, health food and pie fillings.

Hadley tried Turkish delight, I freaked over plantains and mango-flavored craisins (I brought home a bunch for salad), and Bode fell in love with  creamsicle Big Feet (like orange-flavored Swedish fish in the shape of feet). Talk about getting your hand caught in the cookie jar.

Or rather, the bulk food bins.

But the item I was most excited about? In the baking section, they had a large selection of various kinds of chocolate for making desserts. I have a snickerdoodle bread recipe and have been trying to track down the requisite cinnamon chips to make it. Bulk Barn didn’t have them but had something even better: lemon chips. I’m totally making some cream cheese oatmeal cookies with lemon and  white chocolate chips with coconut.
.

Now is the time for my local friends to start sucking up.

Or that should be “puckering up.”

Party, party, party and The Face Plant

Bode has it pretty darn good when it comes to birthdays. We’ve been in Canada the last couple of summers so he usually gets a fete with friends before we leave. As previously mentioned, this year it was a Super Mario/Beach Party.

Party #1: The Super Mario/Beach Party


 Party #2: The Pretend Birthday

We wanted to celebrate Bode’s birthday in Canada before my brother and his family took off for their two-week lake vacation.

And truth be told, we really wanted Jane’s famous beef tenderloin.

So, we planned a little celebration on our back deck that included fabulous food.

The Cool Kids Table

 And fun with Grandma’s treasure hunt with lots of clues and goodies.

Scavenger Hunt Haul

And a Stampede ice cream birthday cake. After all, when in Rome.

Or rather, that would be cowtown…..

Party #3: The Real Birthday.

The boy had VERY specific instructions about how he wanted to spend his birthday, starting with breakfast in bed with pancakes and a fresh fruit salad.

Though it was already 9 a.m., his moody sister wasn’t yet awake (thanks to their gloriously dark and cool basement) and didn’t appreciate the interruption. I enthusiastically asked Bode about something he’d be able to do now that he is 6 that he couldn’t do when he was 5.

Hadley interjected. “Now that he’s 6, he has to pay for Stampede.”

Trust Grumpy Head to remind us of the 5 and under free policies that no longer apply.

At Bode’s request, we went for an epically long golf cart ride in the gully.

And went to Peter’s Drive-in for their famous milkshakes.

That evening we gave him the choice of going to the Telus Spark, Calgary’s new Science Center or to a gorgeous picnic area Dad and I stumbled upon during a bike ride. Much to my delight, he chose the latter so we had a fantastic picnic at Shannon Terrace in Fish Creek Provincial Park, one of the largest urban parks in Canada.

There is an adjacent Environmental Learning Center (that I’m bitter our school never attended) and a network of paths perfect for little people and dogs to explore.


And glorious Fish Creek is always great for water play.

Unless you’re a water-adverse dog and get dragged through it.

Dad stoked up a stellar fire to cook smokies, which is a little cut of heaven when you live in Denver where there seems to be an eternal fire ban.

My friend Stacey joined us for the festivities as well. I recently realized I’m always the photographer and forget to take pictures of myself so here’s a token shot.

Now, for the moment that had us laughing. There was a gopher-filled meadow that kept the kids entertains for HOURS. When they weren’t chasing gophers with the dogs, they were “fishing” for gophers using gummy worms as bait on the dog leashes.

Suddenly, I saw crying Bode racing toward me with blood gushing down his face. He was so hysterical I couldn’t get the story out of him for a while. Had a gopher fought back?

The story is much better than that. Part of their strategy for catching the gophers was to pick some grass and place it on top of their holes. Sobbing, Bode relayed the story.

“And den, I was pulling up the grass but it was too hard.”
“Too hard?”
“Yes, too hard, I was pulling on the grass and it wouldn’t come out. And I fell over.”

Then I realized what happened: While trying to pull the grass that wouldn’t budge, he had fallen forward and face-planted in Said Grass.

Dad confirmed it all.

“I was watching him. He just just kind of tipped over.”

Better luck for Birthday No. 7. Minus killer grass mounds and gophers.

Tales from the Motherland

Though I have a camera or my iPhone in my kids’ faces taking pictures on an almost daily basis, I rarely shoot video. Once upon a time when I was a broadcast journalism student at BYU, I became really proficient at shooting and editing video. I had to be. We had zero budget to do otherwise.

But that was 15 years ago and I haven’t kept up with all the photo editing tools that are out there so that corner of my life has gone to the wayside.

Until my friend Stacey stepped in.

At Bode’s birthday last week at Fish Creek, she shot several short vignettes of the festivities and edited them together through iMovie on her iPad into a darling/hilarious superhero birthday movie trailer.

I’d show it to you but she has yet to send it to me. Something about having to join YouTube or Facebook in order to upload it.

As great as she is with technology, it cracks me up she wants nothing to do with either of them.

So she graciously came over to my parent’s house yesterday to show the kids and me how to make our own movie trailer using Jamie’s iPad. I was delighted it was pretty easy but we quickly realized we needed a lot more footage than our little outings that afternoon and I regretted I hadn’t been shooting video of our entire trip.

There’s always next time.

So, take 1 minute (that’s how long it is) to check out an afternoon in Tales From The Motherland. I think we did a pretty darn good job for our first effort. though I realized I would never make it as a movie director; it made me too bossy.

“No, stop there. Come back. Now run. Don’t smile at the camera. Look natural.”

You get the idea.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30hnfTOmgcI]

I expect Hollywood to come calling any minute.

Part II: Another Crazy-fun Day at Fish Creek Provincial Park

Know those parents who would never let their kids play in the mud?

Getting dirty with Grandpa B.

Apparently I am not one of them.

(Sordid details forthcoming. See Part I here.)

Part I: One Enchanted Evening in Fish Creek Provincial Park

Know those parents who would never let their kids jump into a river fully-clothed?

Apparently I am not one of them.

(See Part IIhere).

Luxury Travel

This is how we ride to church in Canada.

The torrential downpour on the return trip?

Not documented.

Happy 6th Birthday to My LIttle Man!

Dear Bode,

Five years old was YOUR year and you really came into your own. You started half-day kindergarten sweet, thoughtful and a bit shy as your worried you wouldn’t know anybody in your class and emerged nine months later with a posse of besties and half the school at your beck-and-call.

That, my popular little dude, is remarkable.

With kindergarten besties Nicky, Timmy and Curtis

And why shouldn’t everyone like you? You’re kind to everyone, fun, smart and cool. This was confirmed during a recent trip to the Children’s Museum when you and your BFF Sean were playing in the Woodland area and he was wearing a squirrel costume. I tried to lure you into the floppy bunny-eared one but you were too cool to have anything to do with it.

My blackmail days are growing to a sad, sad close.

In terms of activities, you’re great at lot of different things and have been playing on the same soccer team for a few years. You overcame your fears on the skate park and are now launching off the big bumps and are doing the same on the ski slopes. I was so proud when, after just one week, you went from faking a leg injury to being a “Superstar” at Park City Mountain Resort.

Mommy face-planted on that same run as I was trying to photograph you.

 I just asked you what things you like to do and you told me, “I like to play Wii, I like math, I like to color and I love to go on trips.”

Wii
You love your Wii so much you even had a Mario Party for your 6th birthday. You’re limited to playing it a few times a week but so great is your love for the Wii that I’m able to motivate you to do anything for it and you subsequently always have your homework and chores done and a clean room.


Pretty much if anyone asks me why you’re such a great kid and praises my mothering efforts, I’ll give props to Mario & Kirby.

At your 6th birthday party: A Mario Beach Bash!
Crowding around Mario Party
Water balloon bash

Math
 It’s true, you’re a great little mathematician and constantly drill me with numbers. You’re even helping Hadley with her second-grade homework and yep, I still have high hopes for you to do our finances in a few years. In addition to math, you’re a fantastic little reader and were bumped up to attend Mrs. Dorough’s first grade reading class and are already tackling Hadley’s chapter books.

Reading to Fat Kitty. He prefers the Bad Kitty series–his alter-ego

Coloring
OK, I’ll vouch for being good at coloring but drawing? Let’s just say you had top scores in all your subjects on your report cards except for art. Hopefully your artistic sister Hadley can help you out with this one.

Trips


You and Hadley have been traveling since you were in the womb so it’s pretty much in your blood. Some favorite trips you’ve been on this year include Utah to visit family and ski (you loved the mini snowmobiles), Disneyland to check-out the new Cards Land, YMCA of the Rockies, in Estes Park, camping Bear Creek, Colorado Springs (you adored feeding the giraffes at Cheyenne Mountain Zoo) and we’re currently in Canada.

Finding out you were going to Disneyland

When asked where you want to go when you’re 6, you said, “Disney World, Utah, Canada and then Disneyland again. And that’s all.”

You don’t ask for much, do you?

Adventure Boy climbing Garden of the Gods, Colorado Springs
Adventure Camp
YMCA of the Rockies Estes Park
Soaked on the Grizzly River Run, Disneyland
Junior Naturalist at Lookout Mountain

Stomp rockets at Chatfield State Park

You are unfailingly responsible and try to set anyone straight who is not following the rules. During our most recent trip to Canada, you stormed into the kitchen, spewing “I AM SO UPSET. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON TO WASH THEIR HANDS?”

Turns out your 4-year-old cousin had left the water running after she she cleaned up. I’m sure she won’t dare do it again after the lecture you gave her.

 Though I’m excited for you to go into first grade, I’m literally mourning the end of an era when you get to spend a good part of your day with me. When asked what I should do when you’re finally in full-day school school next, you advised “Go hiking and biking!”

My mourning period should be over pretty quickly.

You’re a peacemaker, are always mauling us with hugs and kisses and are the big unifier in our family. Sometimes after you say your prayers, you call everyone into your room and shout “Group Hug” as we pile onto each other giggling and laughing. You complete this family in such a wonderful way and we’re so very thankful to have you a part of it.

Happy birthday!

Love,
Mommy

===

For a stroll down memory lane, birthday letters 1, 2, 34 and 5.

Denver snow day
Cooking boys
Sledding in Canada
Being brave–broken wrist

Volunteering for the Rotary Club’s Short People at Stampede

On Thursday, I received the following email from my bestie, Stacey:

I am volunteering at a Rotary Club fundraising event for the Stampede tonight.  They are short people.  Would you be interested?

One of my favorite things to do is volunteer at such functions. On my mission in Switzerland, my favorite Christmas ever was serving dinner to the homeless. Last Thanksgiving, my little family served dinner at a homeless shelter. So I was in, hook, line and sinker–especially because I’d never worked with short people before!

It was only after re-reading her email a half-hour later I realized she could have phrased it better by saying, “they need more volunteers” and that we would not, in actuality, be serving short people.

In her defense when I teased her about it? “Give me some credit. I know they’re called ‘little people.’”

We’re both naturally blonde.

The Oxford Stomp is a long-standing tradition in Calgary’s Corporate Community. The private charity event includes the Rotary’s famous beef-on-a-bun dinner and performances each night by three international recording artists.

“International” meaning American. Goo Goo Dolls performed the night we were there.

When Stacey and I arrived, we grabbed some grub (the smoked beef was amazing) and checked in at Station 6.

Seven volunteers lined the table and we were each given an assignment. I served coleslaw and Stacey slopped the beans. Then the stampede of hungry cowboys began.

Now I know where they got the name for it.

We had a blast. Thousands of people were at the shindig and several people commented that Station 6 was not only the fastest line but the most fun and loudest.

What is most shocking of all: I wasn’t even the loudest in the group and “fork-man” James (who distributed the forks) was the rowdiest of us all.

Nice to know I’ve met my match.

The event was held at historic Fort Calgary where, in the fall of 1875, the North West Mounted Police built a small wooden fort at the confluence of the Bow and Elbow Rivers. They laid the foundation for the city that became Calgary and we got to witness a cool piece of history: a military chopper took off from the grounds carrying the American flag to the Calgary Stampede grandstand show.

Not-so historic: when the helicopter took off, this happened to ma hair.

Welcome to Jamie’s world every morning.

Stacey and I hung around talking late into the evening and as we were walking back to our car, the street-side revelries were well underway. Translation: hundreds of drunk cowfolk.

Buses were transporting people to the after-Stampede parties and a few drunk cowboys offered to escort us.  When we politely declined, one of them staggered over to a community garden and picked us a bouquet of flowers, which he quickly trashed when he realized they were plastic.

It would have been a flattering moment if 1) the flowers were real. 2)  he hadn’t attempted to steal them. 3) He wasn’t fall-down drunk and 4) I wasn’t married.

But still, the Oxford Stomp sure delivered a hootin’ hollarin’ good time.

Short people and all.

Yahoooooo: Why the Calgary Stampede is the Great Outdoor Show On Earth

I’ve been to a lot of cool festivals and celebrations all around the world but nothing even comes close to what happens during the Calgary Stampede, “The Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth.” For 10 days, the city pretty much shuts down to party, cowboy-style. Everything from free pancake breakfasts to hoe-downs to soirees to playing on the Stampede grounds.

People stagger into work late (if at all). Wanna take a 3-hour lunch? No problem. It’s Stampede week. Calgary turns into Jamaica and it’s “No problem, mon.”

And if you don’t own cowboy boots or a hat? ForgetAboutIt.

Which means since I don’t own either, I’m a reject in my own hometown.

This year was Stampede’s 100th anniversary so instead of just a nightly fireworks show above the fairgrounds, five international-scale firework displays occurred at the same time around the city, making it the largest and most sophisticated firework event ever produced in Canada.

We didn’t make it out to see them. In our defense, it doesn’t get dark until after 11 p.m. in the summer.

And yes, I am lame.

But we did make it to the Stampede grounds with Jamie this year. We have yet to buy tickets to the world-class rodeo (Chuckwagon races being the favorite) but the midway is always a great time. Prior to setting out, I posted this Facebook update:

YAHOO! Hitting up the Calgary Stampede today and, of course, Heart Attack Alley. What would you choose out of these gems? Bacon sundae funnel cakes, deep-fried Kool-Aid, Wagon Wheel or pickle chips. Then there is the 1,550-calorie doughnut cheeseburger with bacon, the macaroni and cheese pizza, deep-fried Coke, deep-fried Pop-tarts and a pulled pork parfait featuring mashed potatoes, gravy and pork presented to resemble an ice cream dessert. Salad, anyone? :-)

Turns out we never made it to heart attack alley (the reason we’re still alive today) but we still had a swell time on all the rides.

They’re smiling only because they found joy in giving the gift of whiplash

Only problem is it was sweltering. Remember how I came to Canada to escape the heat? The first few days of our visit, it followed us here. As we were standing in line at Niagara Falls (the log ride) counting down the moments until we’d get splashed, I looked around and everyone in line was panting or making makeshift fans out of anything they could find.

I pointed it out to Jamie and proclaimed, “THESE ARE MY PEOPLE!”

Finally, someone who could relate to my heat-induced coma this summer.

======

If you Google “Calgary Stampede Pancake Breakfast” a medley of websites and apps appear to help you navigate the onslaught of free pancakes breakfasts that occur daily during the 10-day celebration. Yep, that’s right: All. FREE.

The pancake breakfasts are put on with varying degrees of fanfare so we used FlapJackFinder.com to track down a fete where the Caravan Committee would be hosting, which is the biggest and baddest celebration of them all. We found them at our local mall–Southcentre–and had a blast listening to the live band and (of course) gorging on our breakfast of pancakes, real strawberry topping, sausage and cookie.

Bode with my niece’s darlings Arianna & Naomi
Nieces Emily & Ashton, Jamie, Hadley, Naomi, parents, Bode & Arianna
Balloon animals
Pony rides & a petting zoo

You will note that all the poor animals were crowded to the shade in the corner to escape the heat.

Even our animals are smart in the Great, White North.