Ralphie Does Leather

I’ve never liked Ralph Lauren…from his yuppie cashmere to his pouty, anorexic models. And after this weekend, I have even more reasons to hate him. Y’see, good ol’ Ralph couldn’t just settle for his high-society clothing but had to make the transition to paint (not exactly a natural evolution). And not just any paint but faux finishes and techniques that caused us extreme angst during Extreme Makeover: Den Edition.

Jamie confessed to me that he received his inspiration to do the Ralph Lauren antiqued leather faux finish in the most unpretentious of conditions–on the toilet reading Newsweek. Wouldn’t ol’ Ralph be pleased?

Our goal was to achieve Ralph’s antiqued leather look, where “rooms are transformed into regal environments, replicating the worn nuances and appearance of aged leather.” Since when do people want leather walls?* And since when do people use words such as “regal” and “nuances” when describing a den? After hitting Home Depot up for more brushes and paint textures than I could count, I wondered whatever happened to the yonder years when you’d simply slap on a layer of paint and be done with it?

After three layers of the base coat, we brought out the fitch-edging tools and stipplers. Don’t have a clue of what I’m talking about? Neither did I until yesterday. Picture taking a toothbrush that you bought for $20 and blotting every single square inch of a room to give it a “leather” feel (*note: see aforementioned query).

We spent two days in that tiny room. Two days of paint fumes, spills and stress. And what do we have to show for it? Red leather that I’d never be caught dead in. But tan leather; that’s another story. I can just see it now: Extreme Makeover: Master Bedroom Edition….

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