just heard some news about my college roommate. Horrible news. Last week, she and her family were involved in a car accident while en route from Colorado to Utah. Her oldest daughter was killed.

How does a person ever recover from the death of a child?

When my son Bode was nine months old, I dreamt he died.

As if the end result was not painful enough, within my dream, I had a dream about how it would all unfold. How he would get sick. How I would have to watch him slowly deteriorate. And I foresaw how and when that exact moment of his passing would occur.

And I painfully waited, heart broken, relishing every last moment with him.

I awoke at 3 a.m. in a flood of tears. My husband Jamie consoled me by suggesting we sneak into Bode’s room. I was touched at his thoughtfulness as we crept in there to hear the comforting cadence of his breathing.

“He’s OK” I whispered, relieved, and reached down to remove his bottle that he had drunkenly thrown to the wayside.

And then he woke up. Forcefully. And very loudly objected as if to say, “What da freak? Just let me sleep, woman!”

And never before have a baby’s cries provided such peace.

How does a person ever recover from the death of a child?

Before I became a mother, I just didn’t get it. I figured it would be horribly difficult to get over but you would just move on. Particularly when I heard of a baby dying, I thought, “Well, at least they were still little so the parent didn’t have time to bond very much with them.”

My thoughts were the same on miscarriage. I mean, the kid hadn’t even been born yet. What is the big deal? You can just try to conceive again.

Never once did I consider the feeling of holding that newborn life in your arms, of knowing you had played an integral part in forming this little person. I never considered the sheer joy of seeing him grow, love and learn. And I certainly never understand that for so many of us, the hope of these things is engrained from the moment of conception.

I finally get it.

But pray I will never have to.

Deepest sympathies to the Weber family who will commemorate the life of their beloved Sidney today.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

The Hurricane threw a beach party for her 4th birthday. She had originally requested a princess theme but after attending three consecutive princess parties in a row, the only pink I wanted to ingest was Pepto Bismal.

And model mother that I am, I gently led her to believe that a beach party was really what she wanted instead.

Unfortunately her father is not as easily manipulated coaxed.

Over the past four years, I have grown wiser. The first two years of her life, I invited every friend we have ever had. Hosting such a crowd was a veritable nightmare. Last year, we had an intimate family dinner at Casa Bonita (though I don’t know if having a dinner at a gaudy tower the size of a stadium could be considered intimate).

This year? She invited seven friends (the perfect size) and all the festivities went splendidly. When I asked her what the highlight of her party was, I was admittedly hoping for a pat on the back for my superior party-planning skills.

Was it receiving a lifetime supply of princess presents?

Nope.

We’re getting closer.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

Eight weeks into Front Range Adventure Boot Camp, I have become bored with my food choices. A person can only eat so much chicken before they have an adverse reaction.

Cluck, cluck.

The only thing that has not caused ennui is incorporating one of my favorite foods – pumpkin – into my daily menu. In the past, I had always associated pumpkin with pies, cookies and rolls. Well, let’s face it – I still do. But now my indulgences of this low-calorie, potassium-rich food have evolved into Kashi’s Pumpkin Spice Flax Bars and pumpkin protein shakes.

I was recently at [where else?] Super Target and the woman in front of me noticed the conveyor belt full of pumpkin products.

“Do you like pumpkins?”
“What gave me away?”
“Ha ha. Have you heard of Hungry Girl?”
“What did you call me? Is it that obvious?” (In case you are wondering, I was a comedian in a former life.)
“No, not you. There is a Web site – Hungry Girl - that has a lot of healthy pumpkin-based recipes.”

It was then I knew it was love.

But before this Hungry Girl divulges too much, my weekly weight loss is 2 pounds with a 2% drop in body fat. My eight-week total is 20 pounds.

Most people would be happy with these totals but coupled with my struggle to switch things up, I had a glass-half-empty kind of week and felt defeated about how far I still have to go.

So I went out and bought The Hungry Girl cookbook. The author – Lisa Lillien – has been everywhere in the media lately. She proclaims that she is not a nutritionist, just hungry, and has struggled with weight issues for most of her life. Now, she is at the forefront of the latest trends in food and dieting, living the Hungry Girl lifestyle and loving what she eats.

I tried a couple of her recipes – the vegetable egg rolls and healthy strawberry scones – and loved what she eats as well.

However, my big challenges this week are not about mixing it up but having waaaaaay too many choices. My daughter’s birthday parties are on Saturday and Sunday, followed by a Memorial Day breakfast and BBQ. I am not too concerned about losing weight this week but certainly don’t want to gain any back. What tips do you have?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

I recently waged a battle with the various remote controls for the new HDTV in our bedroom. Jamie and I had watched a movie the night prior and for the life of me, I could not switch the input back to TV. My life depended on it (or at least a shower while Bode watched Elmo). But much to my frustration, I could not get it to work.

It reminded of my first meltdown the day after I moved to Colorado. I had given up everything: friends, a career and city I loved, a cool house across from Sugar House park and my independence. All for a guy I had met on the Internet.

Internet Guy had gone to work and I was left alone in the condo we would share together after our wedding. I half-heartedly unpacked some boxes but feeling overwhelmed, I grabbed the remote to watch some television. I had never even heard of Dish Network, let alone taken the requisite Ph.D. course to navigate it.

For an hour, I battled that remote and lost. And so I did what any sane person would do who had just left her entire life behind:

I freaked out.

I called Jamie, sobbing about how I could not get the remote to work. Of course, the remote was just the straw for this camel. He wisely came right home, consoled his train-wreck-of-a-fiancee, set me up on the television with reruns of The Newlywed Game, and still chose to marry me. Even after full disclosure.

It has been five and a half years since that day. With a new home, two kids and great life together, we have come a long way.

Well, except that I still cannot work the stupid remote.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

I’ll admit it: I am a pain in the arse sometimes. Like when Jamie emailed me a few weeks ago and invited me on a date to Jill’s, a snazzy bistro in the St. Julien Hotel and Spa in Boulder. Problem is I hadn’t heard of it. Bigger problem is when I set my mind to something, I can become a bit difficult.

Turns out we didn’t need ‘em.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

II tried an experiment and allowed myself an indulgence last week.

Then again, to consider it an experiment perhaps I need to garner inspiration from my science fair days and write a solid hypothesis and carry out a detailed plan of action.

I suspect my spur-of-the-moment hypothesis, “Those ice cream sundaes and bacon asiago bread look tasty so I will eat them” does not really count.

This must be why I was a science-fair failure.

I know of many diets that give you a free day or free meal so I decided to apply this to my Mother’s Day dinner and lo, I did eat. After all, we were celebrating my motherhood with carbs and ice cream. How could I pass that up?

Did it work? My weekly weight loss is: 2.5 pounds, making my Week 7 weight loss total 18.5 pounds. One could conclude the experiment worked, though I may have possibly lost an additional 4 pounds had I not taken that extra scoop of chocolate fudge. Or two.

At this point in my journey, every day has a struggle of some kind. But after a month and a half of participating in The Front Range Adventure Boot Camp, I am learning what my body needs. That it is not about deprivation but moderation, an important life lesson for maintaining this lifestyle.

Every week, a few of us meet at someone’s house for a healthy dinner as inspirational life coach Robyn guides us on our path. And every week, I am touched in some way and leave feeling infallible, like no temptation is too great.

Until a certain someone’s husband returns home with the kids from Grandma’s with a plate of freshly-baked brownies moments after the meeting has been adjourned.

And then you realize that the source of the enticements, the one who is sent to lure you out of that paradisiacal garden? Some call him Satan.

Or Jamie.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

I am bored. I hate being bored. For so long, I was this crazy, stressed lunatic woman and you know what?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog