It’s the moment you have all been waiting for: the true glimpse into The Dysfunction of the Crazy Clan as we party in honor of The Great Pumpkin.

If you don’t like pumpkins, walk away now. And don’t come back until after Halloween. Later this week, I will do an interview with Mr. Lord of the Gourds whom you know only as my king of one-liners. In his humorous way, he will answer everything you have ever wanted to know about his freakish hobby of growing freakishly big pumpkins. So, please ask away in the comments below.

Now, onto the parties. It did not start well. You see, we had to borrow our neighbor’s trailer in order to haul The Great Pumpkin. I knew I was in for it when Jamie asked me to help him hook the trailer onto our SUV.

“Jamie, are you going to yell at me?”

Ten minutes later, the trailer pummelled down our driveway and landed on our flower beds. Evidently, I did not do a good job.

And yes, there was yelling.

But onto more important things….

The makings of a pumpkin party are:

1)The Great Pumpkin. And yes, we did decorate the canopy with [what else] pumpkin lights.

2) Food. And excited children to eat the food (Hadley’s own pumpkin served as our table display and she placed third in the children’s competition the next day!)

3) Pumpkin pie. Please disregard the blasphemy-that-was-the-apple-pie that dared to crash our pumpkin party.

4) Prayers to The Gods of the Great Pumpkin for the strength to move it.

5) Eight big, strong men [stupid enough] to haul it with The Lifting Tarp…

…and who can still smile when it’s over.

6) The tear-jerker ending as the sun sets on the now-empty pumpkin patch.

For details of the big weigh-off, go to Jamie’s blog, Denver Pumpkins. He has a slew of pictures of the crane they used to haul these beasts as well as some cool shots of the prize-winning pumpkin.

Oh, and a parting shot of Father and Son. And yes, Jamie did have that shirt custom-made. Did you really need to ask?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

It’s a big weekend in the Johnson pumpkin patch. Friday, Jamie is having an Open House for his pumpkin (yes, you heard correctly). I am sure hoards and hoards of people will come to watch it…sit. And engage in stimulating conversation such as fertilizer…and bat juice.

Jamie says the Open House is just a ruse. What he is really trying to do is lure people to his parent’s backyard so they can help haul the beast out.

Why?

The big weigh-off is on Saturday. Conveniently, I have to work at a Baby Expo the whole weekend. It wasn’t planned. Really.

Featured is the picture Jamie included on his invitation for his Open House.

Didn’t receive an invite? It is because:

1) You live too far away

2) We don’t like you

3) I like you too much to submit you to an open house celebrating an inanimate object.

4) All of the above

So, here’s the big question: have you ever or would you ever attend an open house for a pumpkin?!

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

I’ll admit it: I’m Halloween obsessed. Ever since Halloween decorations started gracing the aisles at my favorite stores in August, I have been chomping at the bit to decorate our house. Some people think the best shopping day of the year is the day after Thanksgiving. Not so. For me, it is on November 1st when all the Halloween decorations are half-price. Rifling through last year’s purchases I had long forgotten was like Christmas…OK, better than Christmas.

On Saturday, we decorated the house. Or rather, Hadley and I gleefully decorated while Jamie pretended not to know us and Bode cried from the trauma of Marcus the Carcass and this year’s edition: haunted eyeballs.

The kid just needs to learn to suck it up.

The biggest obstacle was finding the actual decorations. We are finishing our basement so nothing is in its regular place.

Not that this is unusual. But it’s nice to at least have an excuse.

We found our huge box of decorations at the back of the crawl space. My loving husband (who would never complain over such an undertaking) crawled in and slowly inched the behemoth box to the door.

The problem was not getting it out of the small opening and over the ledge. The problem was that I have not been to boot camp for a couple of months and I was responsible for easing the 100-pound box to the ground by myself.

Rest assured, there was no easing whatsoever.

Instead, there was a whole lot of shouting as Marcus came smashing down on me.

And my loving husband’s reaction? Did he come to my rescue by snatching Marcus off of me?

No. He instead lamented that I had scraped up the newly-painted ledge while I lay recovering in a heap.

Death by carcass. Kind of ironic, don’t you think?

After that little incident, Pumpkin Man had better watch his back…and his orange monstrosity.

Now, if I could only lift the darn thing….

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

I usually don’t do contests on this blog and reserve that for Mile High Mamas. However, I am running a contest over there that I feel you should be a part of. Because you’ve been with me from the get-go and have suffered through It with me.

It being The Great Pumpkin.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

Couple illness with our busy life and I feel like we have been in hibernation for the last two weeks. So at the first hint of normacly, I planed a day jam packed with fun: we would meet some friends for a playgroup at the park, drive downtown to R.E.I. to buy a bike pump, go for a long walk past Confluence Park along the Platte River (one of my favorite areas) and then have some free pie as a part of ABC’s promotion for the television show Pushing Daisies.

I generously let Hadley play hooky from preschool so she could join us. Because I’m nice like that. And also because her carpool buddy is out of town and to have to drop her off and pick her up? Unthinkable.

We had a jolly old time with our friends and then headed downtown to R.E.I. and on our walk. It was a beautiful day, the kids were content and we were going for free pie. Could life really get any better?

Or rather, I should say, “Could life get any worse?” Because guess what: it always can.

The plan was to go to where ABC had parked their traveling Pie Hole promotional bus, grab some pie and then eat lunch at a hip little market in Larimer Square. The problems began not with the pie, but with their free promotional balloons. One would think the acquisition of Said Balloons would be innocent enough.

Until the fights ensued.

So violent were the squabbles that Bode went on a pie strike, refusing to eat. And just as the pies were going to be used as weapons of war, I confiscated Said Weapons and nipped the rebellion in the bud.

Or more appropriately, in the Pie Hole.

Funny, I never knew where that term came from until now….

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

Do you ever have times when life is just not going your way? That would be my last 72 hours. I haven’t been able to access Mile High Mamas most of the day, only to find out that the denverpost.com’s producer accidentally deleted an entire month’s worth of posts and forum discussions. The last few days, I have spent hours writing these posts on an upcoming Expo, as well as linking to everyone who attended our inaugural Mama’s Night Out on Friday.

All of it, gone.

If that doesn’t tick me off enough, I also had several weeks of posts that were queued to be published. Gone. Hours and hours and hours of work sitting in my drafts. Gone.

Maybe my new theme song should be John Mayer’s Gone. Baby Gone, Gone, Gone, Gone, Gone.

On a positive note, Bode’s illness will hopefully soon be gone. He has had a lingering cold that augmented last weekend. Sunday night, he was inconsolable and I stayed up with him ALL NIGHT LONG as he sobbed “OUCHIE.” At about 3 a.m., we almost made our first trip to the ER but held off and went to the doctor in the morning.

The culprit? His EARDRUM RUPTURED. Here I am whining about a deleted database and the poor little guy thought his head was going to explode. With the help of antibiotics and painkillers, he is finally turning the corner. Thanks to my good friend Lisa who took Hadley for the day, Bode and I were finally able to get some sleep that afternoon.

The sad thing? I was more functional on no sleep than I am on seven hours of it. Go figure.

The happenings of the last few days remind me of when Haddie and I recently watched Enchanted. As I gazed over at her, I was touched by just how sweet and beautiful she looked.

Believe me some days, I know the feeling.

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog

A special thanks to everyone who talked me off the ledge. My frustrations are not with the many wonderful bloggers who have become part of my circle but the people I already know in real life who have left me out of it. I’m not fixing to quit anytime soon but I just don’t understand the dynamic. I’m jealous of those folks who have real-life friends who have become active bloggers so they can share that with them.

And to the lurkers who came forward to say “hi–thanks! I don’t expect everyone who visits to leave a comment because that would be millions and millions tens and tens of them. I like to visit those who come visit me and I went through a stage when I was obsessed with receiving oodles of comments but it was nearly impossible to keep up with them all. Just not worth it. So, thanks to those who keep tuning in to read about the Crazy Crew!

In other matters, The Hurricane had her first soccer game ever on Saturday. BHAHAHHAHA. Details forthcoming.

Oh, and I partied a lot last week. On Wednesday, Mile High Mamas was invited to an exclusive preview of Colorado Ballet’s new season. It was their dress rehearsal and I’m not sure what I was expecting. Certainly not the male danseur who was dressed down in an ensemble that looked suspiciously like Bode’s flannel PJs or the other guy whose sweats had a hole in the crotch.

It was ballet like I’ve never seen before.

Thursday was Enrichment Night at the church. The topic? Self-esteem. They kept the topic a secret because well, we’re all too lacking in self-esteem to be reminded that we don’t have it and would not have shown up. The night was soooo cheeseball but really well done. We broke off into two classes and had the cutest Size 2 shop-a-holic try to convince a group of frumpy housewives to spice up their wardrobe. It worked. I went shopping the next morning. Jamie says he plans to bill her later.

The other class was yoga. This is where the comedic value kicked in and I internally laughed my butt off at how ridiculous we all looked trying to awkwardly contort our bodies. One thing’s for sure: I won’t ever look at these women normally again without thinking, “Hey, nice downward dog.”

Because isn’t that what every ward needs to bond?

© Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck–A Denver Mom’s Blog